Originally Posted by
Drumcondra 69er
Already posted this on another thread but this is all anyone needs to know about Very Terribles,
Hell Tell
CRYSTAL PALACE 1976-80
Promoted from his coaching role at Crystal Palace in 1976, Terence
Frederick Venables took managerial charge from Malcolm Allison and
saw his Eagles soar from Third Division to First in three dizzy
seasons. With success built on Allison's brave youth policy, sages
such as Jeff Powell dubbed Palace the 'Team of the Eighties'.
But Jeff and his mates were too easily pleased, frankly, for
although Palace topped the First Division the following season, the
leaves were not yet off the trees, and by the season's end,
mid-table obscurity was the best Venables could muster. With that, a
younger, leaner, less tikka-tinged El Tel took his sheepskin coat
and burgeoning reputation off to west London, leaving Palace in
disarray.
QPR 1980-84
As Palace slipped back down to the Second, Tel kept himself buoyant
by winning promotion to the First Division (after three seasons) and
taking the Rs to the 1982 FA Cup final (one of the most intensely
irritating of all time; 210 minutes of abject tedium with Glenn
Hoddle emerging as the hero).
Taking a small club up - and to Wembley - put him right up there
with greats of the game like Graham Taylor (although unlike Watford,
QPR never became league runners-up under Tel's tutelage). In fact,
you can't even compare Tel's achievements at this level to those of
Southampton's Lawrie McMenemy, who not only matched Taylor's
achievements but won the Cup as well.
Can't compare to Lawrie McMenemy: now there's a damning phrase if
ever there was one.
BARCELONA 1984-87
Tel's amazing feats in west London caught the attention of Barcelona
president Josep Lluis Nunez, who was in no way looking for a cheap
option to replace Cesar Luis Menotti. On the face of it, Tel did
reasonably well: his team won a weak Spanish league in his first
season, and made the last two of a ****-poor post-Heysel European
Cup field in his second.
But his decision-making was more often than not found wanting. He
chose to sign Steve Archibald ahead of Hugo Sanchez, a man who would
later become a La Liga legend at Real Madrid. He played a patently
unfit Archibald in Barca's abject European Cup final defeat at the
hands of Steaua Bucharest. And he didn't listen to his staff when
they pleaded with him to rebuild his humiliated team around the
sublime skills of Ruud Gullit and Marco van Basten, choosing instead
to sign Gary Lineker (poach!) and Mark Hughes (hoof!).
By the end of Tel's reign, Barca were being trashed out of sight
home and away by Dundee United, while Milan's Dutch contingent were
about to swagger all over Europe. A great continental manager
indeed.
TOTTENHAM 1987-91
Let's put aside the 1991 FA Cup. For a start, Forest should have
walked the final; and in any case, Tottenham's whole run was down to
the supernatural feats of one rotund Geordie (and one hell of a
lucky draw).
The rest of it? Well, there's all that faffing around in the world
of business. And boy, could Tel faff. If he wasn't trying to wedge
his chubby legs and feet under the White Hart Lane boardroom table,
he was spending increasing amounts of time looking after his
nightclub investments. And singing bad songs. While being discussed
in depth on Panorama.
It all came to a head when Alan Sugar tired of Tel's meddling and
ousted him - but let's not use that to deflect attention from his
on-the-pitch record. Venables was never able to compensate for the
loss of key players. Gazza, Chris Waddle, Richard Gough and Neil
Ruddock were replaced with sub-standard fare, so Spurs under
Venables drifted aimlessly in mid-table. The excuse was, of course,
that he had no money to spend. One question: isn't this guy supposed
to be England's best coach?
ENGLAND 1994-96
During the first two years of Tel's stewardship, England played some
of the most mind-numbing football of all time. Friendlies against
Denmark, Nigeria, Romania, Norway, Uruguay, Sweden, Colombia,
Bulgaria, Croa... you've slipped into a light coma, haven't you?
England's Euro 96 team was not a good one. The hosts could only
honestly claim to have bettered Holland, a team rife with internal
racial conflict. An unlucky Scotland were only undone by a moment of
genius, as Paul Gascoigne turned up to salvage Tel's reputation once
again; the Swiss and Spanish both deserved to win.
England then played above themselves in their final game before
going out bravely. This makes Tel nothing special; they always do
this. Although interestingly, the only England manager in recent
times NOT to preside over a brave departure from a major
championship is Sven-Goran Eriksson, another man with a reputation
disproportionate to his ... ah, but that's another story.
PORTSMOUTH 1996-97
Brought in as a consultant to revive ailing Portsmouth in August
1996, Venables treated himself to a 51% stake in the club for a
solitary pound and took the chairman's reigns. All the while
attempting to steer Australia to the 1998 World Cup finals in a
part-time managerial role.
After less than a year at the club, having struggled to attract the
investment he hoped for to Fratton Park, El Tel walked away, after a
bitter wrangle, with around £250,000 for his shareholding. He'd
reportedly been holding out for £500,000, with Pompey bottom of the
First Division and losing £150,000 a month.
Before the compromise was reached, Portsmouth's ever-unpopular
former chairman Martin Gregory summed it up best: "The time is right
for Venables to go. He should walk away. I realise I am not the most
popular person in Portsmouth but things were never this bad."
AUSTRALIA 1996-97
Prior to their elimination from the 2002 World Cup, Terry Venables
was responsible for the darkest hour in Australia's football
history. Granted, that's really not saying very much, and from a
Pom's point of view, is really no bad thing either.
But having won their first 12 games with Venables as manager, the
Socceroos ripped through their Oceana group and into a two-leg
play-off with mighty Iran. The Aussies, boasting a team stuffed with
European-based players, looked to be heading to their first World
Cup since 1974, particularly after a 1-1 draw in Tehran. And you'd
have bet your fancy west-end nightspot on them heading to France
when they found themselves two goals up with just 10 minutes of the
decider remaining.
But if you had, you'd be in the market for a new nightspot, as two
late Iran strikes saw them through on away goals. To this very day,
El Tel struggles to explain what went wrong.
CRYSTAL PALACE 1998-99
Never go back, they say, and on this occasion, they were spot on.
Perhaps Venables thought he had unfinished business at Palace. Then
again, call us cynical, but maybe he had another less romantic
incentive for returning. Perhaps it was the £750,000 net contract he
was given, more than Alex Ferguson or Arsene Wenger were earning at
that time. No wonder Venables crowed: "Palace was my first club as
manager and now I think it could be my last."
But by the time of his first Palace game - an InterToto Cup match
against Samsunspor - El Tel was elsewhere, having taken the evening
off, claiming to be worn out from his television work during the
World Cup. Trouble was clearly brewing, and within six months, after
having voiced concerns that insufficient funds were being made
available (and with a reported clause in his contract, giving him 2%
of every transfer sale), Venables had stepped down to become a
"consultant".
It was only fair that he left with another sizeable pay-off. It's
difficult to imagine a more sorry episode than Venables' Portsmouth
affair, but this was it.
MIDDLESBROUGH 2000-01
With the good ship Middlesbrough heading for the rocks with Bryan
Robson at the wheel, Boro chairman and bankroller Steve Gibson came
over all sweaty at the prospect of slipping out of the Premiership
and losing several million pounds in the process.
Sensing the importance of tactics in the modern game, Gibson asked
Venables to help out alongside Robson, a variation on their England
partnership of the mid-1990s. In truth, it was Venables who called
the shots, and steered Boro to eight wins in 25 matches and clear of
relegation. He became a saviour on Teeside, though in effect, all
he'd really proved was that he was a better manager than Bryan
Robson - a trick even Phil Neal may have pulled off.
Having proved to his doubters that he'd not lost the old magic, Tel
declined a full-time contract at Boro for the comfort of a seat next
to Des Lynam.
LEEDS 2002-03
Took a top 5 squad in to relegation trouble by Christmas playing
Harry Kewell as an out and out striker, Mark Viduka in the hole,
Erik Bakke as a holding midfielder while ignoring David Batty and
driving Ollie Dacourt to Italy. Sold Robbie Keane to make way for
Nick Barmby. Bought Paul Okon.
Just like at Palace three years' earlier, Tel missed his first game
in charge of Leeds. What was the problem? He was filming for the
BBC's Holiday programme. Some things never change.
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