Oh Us Nattering Biddies

[kingdom hoop]

I was just thinking it might be amusing to have a general thread on little oddities, funny occurrences, the weather, random daydreams, that sort of thing, which we come across in our daily lives but perhaps might be reluctant to start a new thread about. Basically an anything and everything goes kind of thread, a coffee-shop level of discourse, with a general emphasis on amusement and casting a smiling eye on things life throws at us. Some people might think it's rubbish but I'd say the more light-hearted amongst us might get something out of it.

Ok so, I'll get the ball rolling with a few little snippets from my life over the past week or so. First, last Saturday was my friend's birthday so ten of us, between male and female, went to his house for dinner. All was going swimmingly, the succulent roast lamb was graciously devoured; we now awaited the dessert with anticipation.

But then something funny happened. Two of our party mysteriously disappeared. Not much heed was paid for a while as we rejoiced at a little lamb sacrificing themselves for our pleasure. But as the minutes ticked by we began to wonder where Jack and Jill had got to. A search party was sent out. However, they didn't have far to travel. Two steps outside the kitchen door and it became apparent, through audio rather than visual senses, what the rogues were up to. Yes, you've guessed it, in the middle of our cultured dinner party two guests failed to contain their desires, and indulged in a spot of fornication in the bathroom! While of course frightfully indecent, I think a very funny story at the same time. :D

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Elsewhere, I laughed out loud last night when I was told a story that culminated in the question; "What kind of person steals board game pieces?" :eek: Yeah, apparently someone slyly pocketed a few Trivial Pursuit wedges from a friend's house so as to make up for pieces they'd lost over the years!

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Finally, I think some silly question that might be appropriate here might be something like; as a term of address do you more often use; bud; dude; man; mate; buddy; sir; I don't address people.

Ok you probably have a rough idea of what I'm getting at now, feel free to hijack and contribute with your own inane ramblings. :)

[jebus]

I say mate far too much for a non-Englishman.

Anyway your board game query reminded me of an amusing episode from when I lived with two guys in Cork. Basically one of them (let's call John, mainly because that's his name) had a competitive streak like no-one I;ve ever met before, really gets upset at losing at anything. Anyway one night myself, John, Scott (our other housemate) and two others were playing monopoly for a few hours. The game was a good one, but gradually the two non-housemates went bankrupt so that all was left was myself and John in very commanding positions, and Scott with quite a bit of property to his name. After another bit of play Scott decided to drop out and handed all his holdings over to me (which pretty much meant I had won the game as I had taken a slight lead in properties over John at this point). John started in on us saying that that is against the rules, that all his property gets put back into the bank, and that we can't do that. I said that it was well within the rules, it was his property and money and could do what he liked with it. So that went back and forth until John decided to get the rule card and see what that said. So he looked for it, and looked for it, and looked for it, all the while muttering about how he hadn't lost the game. Little did he know that Scott had realised as soon as the argument had broke out that John would resort to this, so had swiped the rule card, made an excuse of going to the bathroom and put the card into his wall safe in his bedroom. John spent the rest of that night, and the subsequent days following trying to find the card, all the while muttering about it being against the rules to himself :D

I had fun anyway

[noby]

John was right.
The real question is why Scott gave you all that cash and property? My guess is that he wanted the space in the middle of the board re-zoned, and that you held some political clout.

[jebus]

John was right.

Oh we all knew that.

Your other question reminded me of a t-shirt I saw on sale in a shop window in Templebar during the weekend. It reads:

Ireland
Been There
Bought The Taoiseach

:D:D

[noby]

I never read the full instructions for Monopoly.

Does it say "The game is complete when one player tips the board over and storms off in a huff"? Because that's how it always ended in our house.

[kingdom hoop]

:D :D Great story! You have to love taking advantage of competitive people's competitiveness like that. Well done Scott.


I say mate far too much for a non-Englishman.



I'm predominantly a 'man' man myself. Probably too much so at times. Anyone else cringe a little when women use 'man'? Doesn't sit easily with me anyway.

[jebus]

There was no need to delete calling me a cheat sligoman I know I am, I once even cheated at an eye test when I was kid. I was brought in when my brother was doing his, so I just memorised the sequence and read it off as I was asked. Sadly I normally had pretty bad eyesight and wouldn't even be able to come close to that without cheating, so I guess the optician realised that either I was cheating or I had met Jesus on my travels and changed the chart and got me to do the test again :(




I'm predominantly a 'man' man myself. Probably too much so at times. Anyone else cringe a little when women use 'man'? Doesn't sit easily with me anyway.

I used to use man quite a bit too, but one of the lads I lived with down in Cork used it a bit too much and it just sounded like I was copying him when we were out. I still use it a bit though, not as much as mate however

[sligoman]

There was no need to delete calling me a cheat sligoman I know I amNoby pointed out John was right so I said that was enough and you didn't need me pointing it out too:D.

[Block G Raptor]

Just on tests and such, At home we gave my Dad some stick as the only test he's ever passed was the hearing test for the Army deafness claims a few year's ago. The funny thing is if you're looking for something off him he's deaf as a fuppin' post.

[Ash]

Just on tests and such, At home we gave my Dad some stick as the only test he's ever passed was the hearing test for the Army deafness claims a few year's ago. The funny thing is if you're looking for something off him he's deaf as a fuppin' post.

Same as that with my Dad. He didnt want people to think he was deaf so he
kept clicking the clickler continously during the hearing test. Got top marks and
when the assesssor gave him the results his response was "What? Sorry couldnt
hear" They all though he was joking!!!!

[jebus]

Same as that with my Dad. He didnt want people to think he was deaf so he
kept clicking the clickler continously during the hearing test. Got top marks and
when the assesssor gave him the results his response was "What? Sorry couldnt
hear" They all though he was joking!!!!

:D:D:D

[Bluebeard]

I tend to use two forms of address - "Bloke" in the third person (Who's that bloke I saw you with you perfidious whooooooorrrre!) or in cases of direct address, I join Jebus on the "Mate" front (I'd get the flock out of dodge right now, if I were you, mate)

Jebus - were you not liable for Capital Acquisition Tax (or whatever it is called)? In that case, John was wrong as you don't re-deposit all of Scotts property and earnings in the central bank - but they take it off you anyway, having teased you with it for a few weeks first.

[jebus]

Jebus - were you not liable for Capital Acquisition Tax (or whatever it is called)? In that case, John was wrong as you don't re-deposit all of Scotts property and earnings in the central bank - but they take it off you anyway, having teased you with it for a few weeks first.

They enquired about my assets alright, but I used the age old, get out of jail excuse that my brother gave some of it to me, my mother another piece and the rest, ah I can't be remembering every one who gives me 5k and upwards, be it in property, money, beauty products or whatever

[Bluebeard]

They enquired about my assets alright, but I used the age old, get out of jail excuse that my brother gave some of it to me, my mother another piece and the rest, ah I can't be remembering every one who gives me 5k and upwards, be it in property, money, beauty products or whatever

Hmm. If it wasn't for the fact that you appear to be articulate and not nearly an utter muppet, with financial management like that I'd recommend you for Taoiseach.

[jebus]

Hmm. If it wasn't for the fact that you appear to be articulate and not nearly an utter muppet, with financial management like that I'd recommend you for Taoiseach.

I also dislike Bass, and so clearly would not be able to compete with our head of state for the votes of people, who presumably, decide which box to tick on that basis (I can only imagine that's a large slice of electoral pie, I can't think of any other reason these people would cast their vote for the Taoiseach, I really can't)

[Pauro 76]

I also dislike Bass, and so clearly would not be able to compete with our head of state for the votes of people, who presumably, decide which box to tick on that basis (I can only imagine that's a large slice of electoral pie, I can't think of any other reason these people would cast their vote for the Taoiseach, I really can't)

Is Bertie's local the only pub in the country that serves Bass? Ive never ever seen in any other bar....

[jebus]

Is Bertie's local the only pub in the country that serves Bass? Ive never ever seen in any other bar....

They get it in specially for him don't you know, that PROVES that he is the living embodiment of everyman Ireland, Viva Il Bertie!

[kingdom hoop]

I think Bass used to be popular in years gone by? My dad often exhales "ah, that's Bass" after taking a drink in honour of some ad with that catchphrase.

[Magicme]

I think Bass used to be popular in years gone by? My dad often exhales "ah, that's Bass" after taking a drink in honour of some ad with that catchphrase.

Dont pretend you are too young to know that ad!

[kingdom hoop]

:o Must just have a bad memory so!

[jebus]

Just thought of another one I was told when I was back down in Cork two weeks ago visiting.

One of my mates, Paul, was telling me this one that another one of the lads did in Limerick a few weeks back. Anyway this guy, O'Dea, was out in Costellos bar for the night and was heading back out to his family house in Castletroy for the night. So himself and a few others are walking down the street towards one of the taxi ranks (the one outside the Globe for you Limerick heads) and there was 5 cabs lined up waiting for people. (this was told to the lads out in a phone call later in the night, although they can confirm that he did the actions described below, just not the audio) So O'Dea hops into the last cab in the row on his own and says to the driver, 'Look, I'm out of money and need to get out to Castletroy, so if you'll take me I'll give you a blowjob' to which the cab driver asked him to get out of the car. Next O'Dea went into the fourth cab in the queue and repeated his offer of a blowjob for a lift to Castletroy, getting told to **** off this time. This continued for the next two cabs until he got to the head of the line, the cab he should have gone to in the first place anyway, where O'Dea jumps into the cab and asks to be taken to Castletroy please, and off they go leaving the other 4 cab drivers to wonder if their workmate had just now given away the true secret of his sexuality :D

[Pauro 76]

I think Bass used to be popular in years gone by? My dad often exhales "ah, that's Bass" after taking a drink in honour of some ad with that catchphrase.


That was a great advert. I sometimes say it when I have a cuppa tay.

[Block G Raptor]

Just thought of another one I was told when I was back down in Cork two weeks ago visiting.

One of my mates, Paul, was telling me this one that another one of the lads did in Limerick a few weeks back. Anyway this guy, O'Dea, was out in Costellos bar for the night and was heading back out to his family house in Castletroy for the night. So himself and a few others are walking down the street towards one of the taxi ranks (the one outside the Globe for you Limerick heads) and there was 5 cabs lined up waiting for people. (this was told to the lads out in a phone call later in the night, although they can confirm that he did the actions described below, just not the audio) So O'Dea hops into the last cab in the row on his own and says to the driver, 'Look, I'm out of money and need to get out to Castletroy, so if you'll take me I'll give you a blowjob' to which the cab driver asked him to get out of the car. Next O'Dea went into the fourth cab in the queue and repeated his offer of a blowjob for a lift to Castletroy, getting told to **** off this time. This continued for the next two cabs until he got to the head of the line, the cab he should have gone to in the first place anyway, where O'Dea jumps into the cab and asks to be taken to Castletroy please, and off they go leaving the other 4 cab drivers to wonder if their workmate had just now given away the true secret of his sexuality :D

I can assure you that story is as old as taxi ranks. In fact the firtst time I heard it I laughed so much I fell out of my crib and landed in Brontosaurus Sh!

[thischarmingman]

Just thought of another one I was told when I was back down in Cork two weeks ago visiting.

One of my mates, Paul, was telling me this one that another one of the lads did in Limerick a few weeks back. Anyway this guy, O'Dea, was out in Costellos bar for the night and was heading back out to his family house in Castletroy for the night. So himself and a few others are walking down the street towards one of the taxi ranks (the one outside the Globe for you Limerick heads) and there was 5 cabs lined up waiting for people. (this was told to the lads out in a phone call later in the night, although they can confirm that he did the actions described below, just not the audio) So O'Dea hops into the last cab in the row on his own and says to the driver, 'Look, I'm out of money and need to get out to Castletroy, so if you'll take me I'll give you a blowjob' to which the cab driver asked him to get out of the car. Next O'Dea went into the fourth cab in the queue and repeated his offer of a blowjob for a lift to Castletroy, getting told to **** off this time. This continued for the next two cabs until he got to the head of the line, the cab he should have gone to in the first place anyway, where O'Dea jumps into the cab and asks to be taken to Castletroy please, and off they go leaving the other 4 cab drivers to wonder if their workmate had just now given away the true secret of his sexuality :D

Very good. :D

Reminds me of the story about the Derry taxi driver who was taking a young women home from a night out when she realised she didn't have enough money. When he turns to her at the end of the journey she has her skirt lifted and her legs spread to which he responds in the classic taxi driver manner: "Awk, have ye nothin' smaller?"

[Bluebeard]

Just thought of another one I was told when I was back down in Cork two weeks ago visiting.

One of my mates, Paul, was telling me this one that another one of the lads did in Limerick a few weeks back. Anyway this guy, O'Dea, was out in Costellos bar for the night and was heading back out to his family house in Castletroy for the night. So himself and a few others are walking down the street towards one of the taxi ranks (the one outside the Globe for you Limerick heads) and there was 5 cabs lined up waiting for people. (this was told to the lads out in a phone call later in the night, although they can confirm that he did the actions described below, just not the audio) So O'Dea hops into the last cab in the row on his own and says to the driver, 'Look, I'm out of money and need to get out to Castletroy, so if you'll take me I'll give you a blowjob' to which the cab driver asked him to get out of the car. Next O'Dea went into the fourth cab in the queue and repeated his offer of a blowjob for a lift to Castletroy, getting told to **** off this time. This continued for the next two cabs until he got to the head of the line, the cab he should have gone to in the first place anyway, where O'Dea jumps into the cab and asks to be taken to Castletroy please, and off they go leaving the other 4 cab drivers to wonder if their workmate had just now given away the true secret of his sexuality :D

Gold star!:D:D

Speaking of taxi drivers, the last two I got in Dublin seemed reasonable, educated and hardly bigoted - was this just a freak occurrence or have things changed?

[Paddyfield]

Reminds me of the story about the Derry taxi driver who was taking a young women home from a night out when she realised she didn't have enough money. When he turns to her at the end of the journey she has her skirt lifted and her legs spread to which he responds in the classic taxi driver manner: "Awk, have ye nothin' smaller?"

I was on a drunken night out in Brugges, with two lads who are from Tipp a few years ago. We were on a mini pub crawl ang lost our sense of direction and were lost. We eventually called it a night and were delighted to find a taxi rank. We jumped into the first cab and said to the driver to take us to the Crowne Plaza Hotel. He had little English and protested with us. I showed him my hotel key card with the name and address of the hotel on it, but he kept saying "no" and mumbling other stuff in his native tongue.
Eventually, he sighed and drove us to the hotel. It was about 100 meters away. He charged us too.

[Wolfie]

The Taxi stories bring me back to some old trials and tribulations (mostly self inflicted) that have befallen me on the Dublin Nitelink buses between some heavy drinking years circa 1993 - 2000.

I had a woeful knack of falling asleep on these buses and recall one occasion where I woke up to find the upstairs lights turned off and the off-duty bus hurtling towards the depot in Phibsborough - not unlike the film "Speed".

I legged it down the stairs of the empty bus and frightened the life out of the unsuspecting bus driver, who obviously hadn't checked that everyone had departed the bus. His immediate, obviously primal "fight or flight" response could be summarised as thus: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH"!!!

When he managed to calm down, I was released from the bus where I located a fast food joint and devoured a burger to rue my drowsy carelessness.

Ever notice those bus seats that are "loose" - in that they're not secured down. Myself and my mates used to have a challange to see who could smuggle a bus seat off of the Nitelink without the driver noticing. Just for the hell of it.

On one such occasion, I managed to smuggle one such seat off the bus, as my mates distracted the driver with a cunning diversion of asking him if this was the last stop. In my drunken state, I believed it was perfectly reasonable to carry the seat home. A "Finders/Keepers" rationale.

I was still living with my parents at time. Picture the scene, as I'm passed out recovering from the Niagra of gargle I'd consumed the night before and my mother potters into my room with some ironed clothes - to be presented with a standard issue Dublin Bus seat lying across my bed.

I was given until mid-day to dispose of the seat. I succeeded in doing this by, still heavily intoxicated, strolling around our surrounding estates looking for a skip. You can imagine I got some very odd looks strolling around with this seat in broad daylight on a Sunday afternoon. I eventually found a skip and less than surruptitiously dumped it and walked off.

[Magicme]

Our paper did a feature on the village of Drum (yes Dodge Drum!) and was telling my dad about my adventures there. It is the first place outside of Northern Ireland to have one of Rev Paisley's churches.

My dad told me about how he was working on Paisley's church in Drum and cut himself with a stanley knife. The blood was pouring out of him and the Minister of the church came over and said "Aw Brendan what have you done to yourself". My dad replied "I just fulfilling the prophecy. When Paisley opened this church he said "there will be papist blood spilt here"." The minister still laughs about it!

Another of my dads greatest moments was when he went to Australia about 20 yrs ago and customs asked him if he had a criminal record. He replied "Do you still need one to get in here??"

[Block G Raptor]

The Taxi stories bring me back to some old trials and tribulations (mostly self inflicted) that have befallen me on the Dublin Nitelink buses between some heavy drinking years circa 1993 - 2000.

I had a woeful knack of falling asleep on these buses and recall one occasion where I woke up to find the upstairs lights turned off and the off-duty bus hurtling towards the depot in Phibsborough - not unlike the film "Speed".

I legged it down the stairs of the empty bus and frightened the life out of the unsuspecting bus driver, who obviously hadn't checked that everyone had departed the bus. His immediate, obviously primal "fight or flight" response could be summarised as thus: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH"!!!

When he managed to calm down, I was released from the bus where I located a fast food joint and devoured a burger to rue my drowsy carelessness.

Ever notice those bus seats that are "loose" - in that they're not secured down. Myself and my mates used to have a challange to see who could smuggle a bus seat off of the Nitelink without the driver noticing. Just for the hell of it.

On one such occasion, I managed to smuggle one such seat off the bus, as my mates distracted the driver with a cunning diversion of asking him if this was the last stop. In my drunken state, I believed it was perfectly reasonable to carry the seat home. A "Finders/Keepers" rationale.

I was still living with my parents at time. Picture the scene, as I'm passed out recovering from the Niagra of gargle I'd consumed the night before and my mother potters into my room with some ironed clothes - to be presented with a standard issue Dublin Bus seat lying across my bed.

I was given until mid-day to dispose of the seat. I succeeded in doing this by, still heavily intoxicated, strolling around our surrounding estates looking for a skip. You can imagine I got some very odd looks strolling around with this seat in broad daylight on a Sunday afternoon. I eventually found a skip and less than surreptitiously dumped it and walked off.

I've done the same with a builders cone. Alway's wanted a Bus Shelter and a Phonebox for my bedroom. my bed would have fit nicely in the bus shelter and the Phone box would have made a pretty cool wardrobe, alas I could never work out a way of getting one home whilst drunk

[noby]

Aah, students bringing crap home. That takes me back. We had the Wilton bus stop in our sitting room for about six months. The 42A had to reverse through the kitchen.

[Schumi]

Ever notice those bus seats that are "loose" - in that they're not secured down. Myself and my mates used to have a challange to see who could smuggle a bus seat off of the Nitelink without the driver noticing. Just for the hell of it.

On one such occasion, I managed to smuggle one such seat off the bus, as my mates distracted the driver with a cunning diversion of asking him if this was the last stop. In my drunken state, I believed it was perfectly reasonable to carry the seat home. A "Finders/Keepers" rationale.
Tried bringing a pitchside ad home with me from a match in Drogheda in 2000, when we qualified for the InterToto. Half way up the pitch, decided it was too much hassle. :D

[Bluebeard]

Another of my dads greatest moments was when he went to Australia about 20 yrs ago and customs asked him if he had a criminal record. He replied "Do you still need one to get in here??"
:D:D

Your Da is a Hall of Famer for that alone, never mind the Paisley comment

[Magicme]

A few years later my brother went to Australia and wore a t-shirt with an Oscar Wilde quote "I have nothing to declare except my genius" through customs. So if I ever go to Australia it is my turn to wind them up.

[Lim till i die]

I think Bass used to be popular in years gone by? My dad often exhales "ah, that's Bass" after taking a drink in honour of some ad with that catchphrase.

My Dad says the same thing all the time, despite Bass being, in his (believe me expert) opinion, "Pi$$"

I suppose that Bass ad was their generations Whassssssssuppppppp moment :)

Slightly funny story from earlier on in the season which involves a fairly regular Limerick poster. For the purposes of protecting his identity I will refer to him as tough talking, hard drinking, Hibs loving detective "Rebus".

Now "Rebus" is one of the Dublin based Limerick fans and around last October time we were away to Kildare County. No problem says "Rebus" with Kildare County playing their home games at Station Road I'll just hop on the train and be there in no time.....

About a half an hour before kick-off "Rebus" rings me to let me know he has arrived at the train station and asks for directions to the ground. I thought this was odd as the ground is more or less on the train track but I told "Rebus" take a right out of the station, carry on over the bridge and the entrance to the ground is right there on your left...........

Twenty minutes later I get another phonecall from "Rebus", who in slightly worried tones tells me he left the station, took a right over a bridge and was now in the middle of nowhere. Odd, I thought, but told him to retrace his steps back towards the station and he was bound to see floodlights eventually...........

Mid-way through the first half I get another phonecall from "Rebus" to tell me he has given up for the night.......

Turns out "Rebus" was in Kildare* :D





*For those not au fait with the Eircom League Kildare County play in Newbridge.

[jebus]

Alright LtiD it's on, let's air the dirty linen in public! :)

In my defence the previous two times I had been to Kildare had always been in the back of Gael's car, and on this occasion I was hungover! :D

Now let's get on to the various adventures of whitey pulling LtiD, Special Olympics flag stealing SLK, road raging Gael and homeless lady beating Nempton.....

[Lim till i die]

Now let's get on to the various adventures of whitey pulling LtiD

I genuinely have no idea what this is about your honour :)


Special Olympics flag stealing SLK, road raging Gael and homeless lady beating Nempton

These, on the otherhand, are all classics :p

Oh Nempton, Limerick's streets are a poorer (albeit safer) place without you :D

[Wolfie]

My Dad says the same thing all the time, despite Bass being, in his (believe me expert) opinion, "Pi$$"

I suppose that Bass ad was their generations Whassssssssuppppppp moment :)

Slightly funny story from earlier on in the season which involves a fairly regular Limerick poster. For the purposes of protecting his identity I will refer to him as tough talking, hard drinking, Hibs loving detective "Rebus".

Now "Rebus" is one of the Dublin based Limerick fans and around last October time we were away to Kildare County. No problem says "Rebus" with Kildare County playing their home games at Station Road I'll just hop on the train and be there in no time.....

About a half an hour before kick-off "Rebus" rings me to let me know he has arrived at the train station and asks for directions to the ground. I thought this was odd as the ground is more or less on the train track but I told "Rebus" take a right out of the station, carry on over the bridge and the entrance to the ground is right there on your left...........

Twenty minutes later I get another phonecall from "Rebus", who in slightly worried tones tells me he left the station, took a right over a bridge and was now in the middle of nowhere. Odd, I thought, but told him to retrace his steps back towards the station and he was bound to see floodlights eventually...........

Mid-way through the first half I get another phonecall from "Rebus" to tell me he has given up for the night.......

Turns out "Rebus" was in Kildare* :D





*For those not au fait with the Eircom League Kildare County play in Newbridge.

Would you believe my slapstick transport moments are not reserved for bus travel alone. I can identify with "Rebus" train nightmare.

I was working in Longford and travelled home to Dublin at the weekends by train. I went on the absolute slaughter one particular weekend (Ireland were playing Iceland in the infamous "Keane booed" incident - 1996?).

I hopped on the Sligo train at Heuston, on time and all was well. I should be in Longford in roughly 2 hours I said. I was so knackered I fell asleep but woke up as the train pulled into the station.

I hopped off the train, drawing a sigh of relief. Just as I thought I'd avoided disaster - I was met with the legend "WELCOME TO DROMOD". I was in Leitrim. It was 5 to 9 and the Station shut down at 9.

I just about had time to order a Cab back to Longford before the entire station was plunged into darkness. The eery thing was that there was NOONE around. Deserted.

For what felt like 24 hours later, I finally could see two headlights in the distance. It was the cab.

My humiliation was complete when I outlined my tale of woe to the taxi driver - who literally cracked up laughing on the spot. :o

[Bluebeard]

Just as I thought I'd avoided disaster - I was met with the legend "WELCOME TO DROMOD". I was in Leitrim.

Jaysus - Leitrim. What an awful place to be stuck. Absolute disaster in my book - nice place to visit, but I cannot imagine there being anything going on after dark.

Anyone on here admitting to being from Leitrim?

[osarusan]

My humiliation was complete when I outlined my tale of woe to the taxi driver - who literally cracked up laughing on the spot. :o

Did he survive?

Yours,

P. Dant.

[Wolfie]

Did he survive?

Yours,

P. Dant.

Nah! - the literal cracks produced from the fit of laughter were terminal I'm afraid!!!!! :(

Proof that mocking is catching. I think I listed the mis-use of "literally" on a previous thread. :o

Sin bin for Wolfie.

[jebus]

A question over on the Limerick forum just reminded me of this one.

Was over at my girlfriend's then apartment two years ago and a few of us were settling in to watch Aliens (or possibly Alien, can't fully remember), as the opening credits rolled and we got a shot of a spceship floating through space one of the girls turned and asked 'is this a true story?' :D

Remains the single most dumbest thing I've ever heard, although in fairness to the girl as soon as she said it she buried her face in her hands and stayed quiet during the laughter that followed for the next couple of months

[stann]

Nah! - the literal cracks produced from the fit of laughter were terminal I'm afraid!!!!! :(

Still, free car, so, you know, every cloud... :D

[MojoPin]

this thread has reinded me of a tale associated with my uncle.

my uncle got a job working in the local dockyard. the first day on the job he was asked could he operate a crane. he didnt have a clue so they trained him up! now this crane was attached to a truck, big heavy duty stuff ya know. so after a whole days training picking up stuff holding stuff moving stuff he was given the keys to the truck and told to move some stuff at the far side of the yard around.

my uncle looks at yer man stupidly and says "sure i dont know how to drive!!!!"

same fella was once in his neighbours house doing some DIY and was offered a cup of tea! how many sugars do you take in your tea? " i dont know youll have to ask my wife that!

[osarusan]

My parents have a story about me from when I was only 6 or 7. I have no memory of this at all, but the guy involved was a close family friend and related the story basically word for word.

The friend called our house, looking for my father. I answered, and simply said, "He's not here". The guy asked if I knew where he was and I said "No". He then asked "What time will be home?", to which I replied "I don't know". Finally, using a different tactic, he asked "well, what time do you have dinner in your house?". My answer was "Oh, you could have dinner anytime around here". At that the guy burst into laughter and said he'd call back.

[Wolfie]

Christ Stann. I was watching the remake of "The Omen" at the weekend. Check you're post count!!! Spooky.

http://foot.ie/showpost.php?p=883616&postcount=42

[Bluebeard]

Christ Stann. I was watching the remake of "The Omen" at the weekend. Check you're post count!!! Spooky.

http://foot.ie/showpost.php?p=883616&postcount=42

Is the re-make any good at all? As a rule I tend to avoid the re-made horror. The only one I can remember that was an improvement was Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. The Dawn Of The Dead remake wasn't bad but not an improvemnet on content and comment.

[Wolfie]

Is the re-make any good at all? As a rule I tend to avoid the re-made horror. The only one I can remember that was an improvement was Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. The Dawn Of The Dead remake wasn't bad but not an improvemnet on content and comment.

I fell asleep half way through it which is not the greatest ringing endorsement, although it was late on Sky Movies.

From what I saw, it doesn't take any liberties with the original film. Practically all of the key scenes are re-created as opposed to having a new interpretation.

[jebus]

Just thought of another incident last year whilst reading the Brits thread.

My girlfriend's cousin was getting married last year, so she went off with her family to the wedding. She told me that the bride was the grandaughter of 'some soccer guy' (she doesn't watch football at all), turns out it was Ken Bates grandaughter. Anyway she was sat at the same table as Bates and his wife and got talking to them (she says they are really nice) and text me who she was talking to when he told her he was the chairman of Leeds.

Being a fan of Sheffield Wednesday, and having a few pints in me I asked her to call me, which she did, where I proceeded to to tell her that Bates was a scumbag and Leeds were rubbish, what I didn't realise was that she was relaying this information to Ken himself, who was sat beside her, who in turn started loudly saying 'I hear your boyfriend is a Sheffield Wednesday supporter, and he's from Limerick, you do realise that's two pikeys rolled into one don't you?'

I thought it was a funny putdown anyway :D

[osarusan]

J
and having a few pints in me I asked her to call me, which she did,
Cheapskate!

[paul_oshea]

osasuran, can you tell me, did you mean it like:

We have dinner at any time in the day
or as an invitation to the guy to say he would get dinner anytime?!

I don't see how the question "what time do you have dinner here", would lead to the answer from you as an invitation, moreso that you were saying ye have dinner at anytime during the day, but for a 7 year old to respond to answer like that would be rather quirky, and could be seen as funny.