Originally Posted by
Drumcondra 69er
Had an old e mail from Trigger's finest moment when he made Roy lose his head with his 'put it in your book Roy' remark. Here's the ode to Jason's intelligence in full!!
In all the fuss over Roy Keane's latest dive off the deep end,
haven't we forgotten someone?
The man who was on the receiving end of Keane's elbow in Saturday's
bad-tempered 1-1 draw at Sunderland? The man who, quite brilliantly,
responded to He Of The Bulging Vein's on-field jibes by mimicking
writing them all down in a book? The man who, in the wake of Keano's
sacking from Ireland's World Cup camp, revealed that the departed
skipper had taken to gnomic utterances like "fail to prepare; prepare to
fail" and "only dead fish go with the flow"?
We're talking about the man who said he'd rather read a Bob The
Builder book than Keane's autobiography. The man who then joked that
the Irish camp were planning a whip-round to buy one copy of the tome
"so we don't make Roy any richer than he is already". ?
Step forward Jason McAteer - and these are among the other highlights
of your brilliant career so far.
1) After dumping Jase, former girlfriend Donna Air told an interviewer,
"I wouldn't date any more footballers - they're not the brightest of
people." Which is saying something as Donna is famous for once asking
brother-and-sisters bodhran botherers The Corrs how they met.
2) On spotting another famous face in a Dublin nightclub, Jason decided
to make the star feel welcome by yelling out a catchphrase he would
naturally be familiar with. What snooker's Jimmy White made of the
sudden cry "One hundred and eighty!" is sadly not recorded.
3) Jason's nickname is Trigger, after the Only Fools And Horses
character ("If it's a girl, they're gonna call it Rose, after
Del's mum. And if it's a boy, they're gonna call it Rodney,
after Dave"). This caused problems when he first arrived at Liverpool as
Rob Jones, then regarded as the least cerebral player at Anfield,
already owned the name. In recognition of his superior claim, however,
McAteer was later christened 'Double Trigger'.
4) According to former Blackburn team-mates, Jason's greatest moment
came on a squad night out to an Italian restaurant. Asked by the
waitress whether he wanted his pizza cut up into eighths, McAteer is
alleged to have replied, "Nah, I'm not that hungry - just cut it into
four."
5) In another possibly apocryphal (that means it might be made up,
Jason) story, McAteer is reckoned to have asked a Liverpool team-mate
what to put in the space marked 'Position In Company' on a credit
card application form. According to legend, the source of McAteer's
confusion was that "I'm a central midfielder but the boss is playing
me at right wing-back."
6) Jason is a keen gourmet. After Ireland qualified for the second
stage of the 1994 World Cup finals, he spent the night eating Chicken
McNuggets while sitting on the bonnet of a stretch limousine in New
York's Times Square in the company of U2 bassist Adam Clayton. Among
his happiest memories of first club Bolton are "getting out on my own
and going down to Tesco to buy my favourite biscuits". Jason also
believes Gerard Houllier's biggest mistake at Liverpool has been
ordering the players to abandon their morning ritual of eating toast
before training.
7) Many cruel folk have suggested that Jason doesn't know much at
all. But according to the voiceover on his bewildering 1998 Head And
Shoulders advert, "Jason knows he can have it all". In this case, "it
all" appeared to involve soaping himself homoerotically with the
well-known salve for the flaky-scalped. L'Oreal hawker David Ginola
was said to be "not losing much sleep" over our boy's performance.
8) Jason calls his best friend "a deep thinker - he could easily be a
news reporter". Jason's best friend is Phil Babb.
9) Ireland's otherwise unremarkable World Cup warmup match against
Sanfreece Hiroshima was memorable for two things: a dreadful late foul
upon our hero by Tulio and Jason's subsequent assessment of his
injury, picked up expertly by Sky's pitchside microphones for
broadcast to the watching millions back home: "My knee's f***ed! My
knee's f***ed!" Needless to say, it wasn't.
10) Ireland team-mate Ian Harte says: "The other week Jason gave a
Ralph Lauren polo shirt to his mum to wash and those shirts are longer
at the back than at the front. His mum didn't spot this until after
she'd washed it, thought she'd shrunk the front, and so cut the back to
make both sides equal. He says that's where he gets his stupidity
from."
11) When Jase was made captain on his 50th appearance for Ireland he livened up the press conference with Mick McCarthy by announcing that as Mick had been known as Captain Fantastic he wanted to be called Captain Sensible. A clearly amused McCarthy stiffled a giggle and asked 'Since when have you been sensible Jason?' 'Since you made me captain gaffer' came the lightning reply!
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