Jokes (READ FIRST POST)

**SkStu** · 23/03/2011, 1:44 PM

**BigfeetBigsocks** · 23/03/2011, 3:10 PM

The Japanese Government have thanked Britain for sending out Rescue Dogs....they said they were Delicious

**Real ale Madrid** · 24/03/2011, 1:25 PM

Whole host of celebrites at the O2 last night for the Kylie gig.

Apparently even Sile Seoige came.

**SkStu** · 24/03/2011, 4:10 PM

I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds are all over it!

**OwlsFan** · 30/03/2011, 9:16 AM

The house that looks like Hitler:

http://www.independent.ie/world-news...r-2600243.html

**Lev Yashin** · 30/03/2011, 12:04 PM

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner
Dad to son, where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps son, Ok I lied I went to the movies.
Dad: Which one?
Son: Toy Story. Robot slaps son again! Ok, it was Date with Pornstar.
Dad: What? when I was your age I didn't know what porn was... The robot slaps dad..
Mum; ha ha! He is certainly your son. The robot slaps mum.:

**Mr A** · 30/03/2011, 6:58 PM

I guess he has dropped the hand for the last time.

**Magicme** · 30/03/2011, 7:37 PM

Nearly spat lemon and ginger tea over my phone there Mr A!! Your a very bad person.

**strangeirish** · 30/03/2011, 9:36 PM

Originally Posted by Mr A

I guess he has dropped the hand for the last time.

He's a true one armed bandit...Or, maybe he's actually in jail abroad somewhere and is trying to escape back home...

**the 12 th man** · 31/03/2011, 12:58 PM

A Russian walks into a pub in Mullingar.He asks for a Vodka."That'll be 2cent says the barman".

"Why so cheap?" says the Russki.

"The pub is 100 years old today and we're charging the old prices for today.

The Russian notices a load of local Mullingar heads peering in the window."What are they doing?" he asks.

"Their waiting for happy hour" replies the barman.

**strangeirish** · 31/03/2011, 5:40 PM

What do gay horses eat?

Haaaay!

**Lev Yashin** · 31/03/2011, 7:20 PM

One i made up

I saw a tax form walking down the street when it tripped on its lace and slipped on a banana skin just then an anvil fell on its head..

It was sooo funny.

But then i do love fiscal comedy.

**A N Mouse** · 01/04/2011, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by shannonman

One i made up

I saw a tax form walking down the street when it tripped on its lace and slipped on a banana skin just then an anvil fell on its head..

It was sooo funny.

But then i do love fiscal comedy.

Audit feckin believe it!

**stann** · 01/04/2011, 1:33 PM

Very poor!

**DeLorean** · 01/04/2011, 8:22 PM

Only a few hours left to get someone with an April Fool's prank. Try this:

At the family dinner table, unscrew the top of the salt shaker. The next person to use it will get salt everywhere! And when they lean over to clean up the mess, inject them with AIDS.

**the 12 th man** · 02/04/2011, 12:35 PM

The KGB, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

**Spudulika** · 03/04/2011, 5:15 PM

Originally Posted by the 12 th man

The KGB, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

The KGB in this joke used to be the RUC. Kind of had some emotional stuff there :-)