Jokes (READ FIRST POST)

**strangeirish** · 19/05/2011, 11:19 PM

Originally Posted by cornflakes

God bless America

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/cr...t-stabs-marine

http://www.snopes.com/politics/milit...bbedmarine.asp

I know, I know, it's in the jokes forum.

**Spudulika** · 20/05/2011, 7:28 PM

Sounds like something that happens in a Garda station.

**SkStu** · 24/05/2011, 2:33 PM

**strangeirish** · 24/05/2011, 6:19 PM

Echoing his predecessor, Obama declared, "You're either for us, or you're a Guinness".

**Mr A** · 25/05/2011, 7:18 PM

**SkStu** · 27/05/2011, 1:06 AM

It's just been announced that Ryan Giggs' wife will get half of everything when she divorces him.

That will give her 6 more premier league medals than Steven Gerrard.

**KevB76** · 27/05/2011, 4:55 PM

Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that even though he's happy in Manchester he does Miss Wales occasionally.

**strangeirish** · 27/05/2011, 7:16 PM

Dirk Kuyt is the latest footballer linked to another super injunction. Apparently, the bird he was with doesn't want to be named.

**Real ale Madrid** · 28/05/2011, 10:16 PM

Apparently someone has unfurled a MUFC 19 times banner at Old Trafford in recognition of how many touches the united players had tonight.

**pineapple stu** · 29/05/2011, 7:55 PM

Giggs spent millions looking for anonymity; turns out all he had to do was head to Wembley.

**DeLorean** · 01/06/2011, 8:12 AM

My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker

...well she's not actually my girlfriend, yet

**DeLorean** · 01/06/2011, 8:46 AM

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Drums.

**Deckydee** · 01/06/2011, 11:33 AM

What's the difference between Sepp Blatter and Colonel Gadaffi?

Ones an old, deluded dictator of an out of date regime who rigs elections with his gang of brain washed followers, the other one's got Oil!

**3 Heroes** · 04/06/2011, 10:35 AM

Getting worried - some sites are on about an Irish striking partnership tonight of Long Cox, but can you imagine if it's Long Cox and Keane, Ashley Cole and Sol will be salivating

**the 12 th man** · 06/06/2011, 9:30 PM

What is the first sign of madness?

.

.

.

.

.
When you look out your window and see Suggs walking in your front gate.

**SkStu** · 07/06/2011, 4:27 PM

My wife was just starting to moan about my obsession with Ross Kemp.

I could see things were about to kick off, so I got out of there

**Deckydee** · 09/06/2011, 10:58 AM

I phoned OK magazine but, when they answered, they said, "Hello."

So I hung up. I must have got the wrong number.

I don't tell sexist jokes at parties any more.

They're too complicated for women.

**strangeirish** · 09/06/2011, 10:57 PM

A blonde just texted me and asked "what does idk stand for? " I said " i dont know" she said "Omg! nobody does!"

**SkStu** · 10/06/2011, 5:56 PM

**the 12 th man** · 12/06/2011, 2:56 PM

My wife stormed into the house today and said she was leaving me because of my lifelong obsession with the 60's pop group The Monkees,I thought she was only messing with me and would never leave me but Then I Saw Her Face and now I'm a believer.