Lines for your Valentines cards

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07/02/2006, 1:07 PM
carrickharp

Lines for your Valentines cards

(These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the MOST romantic first line... but the LEAST romantic second line.)

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was p1ssed.

Thought that I could love no other
until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
07/02/2006, 1:24 PM
Risteard

:D :D Think i'll adopt

My love, you take my breath away,
what did you eat to fart this way?

for the highly flatulent love of my life.

She'll see the fun side.
07/02/2006, 1:43 PM
paul_oshea

risteard thansk for sharing that about your girlfriend with all of us! :D
07/02/2006, 1:48 PM
Magicme

Bet he gets extra loving when she finds out! :eek:
07/02/2006, 1:54 PM
Risteard

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magicme

Bet he gets extra loving when she finds out! :eek:

:D Ya, she couldn't give a f uck.
She'd be delighted with a card saying that.

Very eh . . . . ladylike.
07/02/2006, 2:27 PM
Magicme

I would be delighted with a card....:(
07/02/2006, 2:36 PM
HuRya

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magicme

I would be delighted with a card....:(

Do they sell valentines cards in Monaghan?
07/02/2006, 3:39 PM
carrickharp

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magicme

I would be delighted with a card....:(

Aw here you go it cost me a good bit did that card;) .
07/02/2006, 6:38 PM
hamish

Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's you�re ass.
or
This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't 250 a night
or
I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
or
If you think that love-bite looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
or
Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
or
My love is true, my love will grow
You're the best damn ride in ol' Beeslow
or
My love, please dream of me in sleep?
If not, I'll stick to sh@gging sheep. :eek:

Hope the above helps to warm up the romance in the lives of all you young, lusty Footypersons:p

Hamish - spreading the lurve in Foot.ie.;)

heh heh
07/02/2006, 6:50 PM
strangeirish

One for sorrow, two for joy
I once was a girl, but am now a boy.

*Wife packing bags as we speak*
:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by sirhamish

Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's you�re ass.
or
My love, please dream of me in sleep?
If not, I'll stick to sh@gging sheep.

:D :D
07/02/2006, 6:54 PM
sligoman

My favourite:

"I like your hips, I like your lips,
but most of all, I like your ...."

Finish the sentence;) :D.
07/02/2006, 6:56 PM
strangeirish

Quote:

Originally Posted by sligoman

"I like your hips, I like your lips,
but most of all, I like your ...."

Finish the sentence;) :D.

Hair????:D
07/02/2006, 7:39 PM
sligoman

Quote:

Originally Posted by strangeirish

Hair????:D

Close but guess again:p.
07/02/2006, 7:47 PM
hamish

Quote:

Originally Posted by sligoman

"I like your hips, I like your lips,
but most of all, I like your ...."

Finish the sentence;) :D.

whips??:D

Excerpt from a valentine card sent by a Sligo Rovers fan to his one true love.

Oh Nellie, you are mighty,
Especially in your nighty,
With moonlight flits,
Across your tits.
Jesus Christ Almighty.

:p :D

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh, makes your heart go all fuzzy it does.:D
07/02/2006, 9:57 PM
The Stars

Quote:

Originally Posted by sligoman

"I like your hips, I like your lips,
but most of all, I like your ...."

Finish the sentence;) :D.

Deltoid Muscles(shoulders)?
07/02/2006, 10:01 PM
sligoman

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Stars

Deltoid Muscles(shoulders)?

:rolleyes:. Just to stop people guessing now, the answer is tits! Most of ye knew, I know, but I just had to say it:D.
07/02/2006, 10:17 PM
hamish

Quote:

Originally Posted by sligoman

:rolleyes:. Just to stop people guessing now, the answer is tits! Most of ye knew, I know, but I just had to say it

"Tits" doesn't rhyme with "lips" so I presume you were referring to assonance.;) :D
07/02/2006, 10:19 PM
sligoman

Quote:

Originally Posted by sirhamish

"Tits" doesn't rhyme with "lips" so I presume you were referring to assonance.;)

Trust you to give me an English lesson:rolleyes: :D
07/02/2006, 10:25 PM
hamish

Quote:

Originally Posted by sligoman

Trust you to give me an English lesson:rolleyes: :D

Ah just messing amigo - know you can take a slagging as good as giving a slagging.

Here's one you can send to..eh......Angel:D

My Phallic Lover

You're the train inside my tunnel
You're the finger in my glove
You're the gear stick in my gearbox
My god this must be love

You're the drill inside my cavity
You're the handle in my broom
The lead that fills my pencil
I'm your gate and you're my boom

You're the carrot in my crisper
You're the ladder to my loft
You're the pistol in my holster
Mind you don't go off!

You're the sword inside my scabbard
The sausage in my hotdog
You're the French stick in my basket
You're my snake and I'm your log

You're the eel that swims my waterhole
The utensil in my drawers
You're the cork that seals my bottle
Yes it's you that I adore

In my engine you're the piston
You're the toothpaste in my tube
The zucchini in my fettuccini
Oh I'm so in love with you

You're the rat inside my drainpipe
You're the log that burns my fire
The banana in my smoothie
Yes it's you that I desire

You're the bottle in my cooler
The plunger in my loo
Your torpedo fills my submarine
Yes my darling I love you

You are my phallic lover
We are a perfect fit
I'd like to do some things with you
If you'd be up to it?

So take me back to your place
And we can have some fun
It feels just right to hold you tight
As we two become as one

All together now.........aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.
07/02/2006, 10:31 PM
sligoman

For Hamish:

Oh, (put sheeps name here) thou art so gorgeous,
Your eyes so (eye color here) are like that of a temptress,
With your love you have made me complete,
My passion burns like (pet name) when she is in heat.

The love you give me spreads like an infection,
Which is why (name of sheep who dumped you) gave me a rejection,
So let me reveal a secret to you,
And then you can decide what you must do.

:p
07/02/2006, 10:39 PM
hamish

Quote:

Originally Posted by sligoman

Oh, (Vanessa) thou art so gorgeous,
Your eyes so (blue) are like that of a temptress,
With your love you have made me complete,
My passion burns like (Vanny) when she is in heat.

The love you give me spreads like an infection,
Which is why (Nellie) gave me a rejection,
So let me reveal a secret to you,
And then you can decide what you must do.

:p

Heh heh not bad sligoman.:D
07/02/2006, 10:41 PM
sligoman

Quote:

Originally Posted by sirhamish

Heh heh not bad sligoman.:D

:mad:, ya fecker ya!:D.
08/02/2006, 11:43 AM
Block G Raptor

when I saw u at the bus stop I thought u were a Ride
but when I got closer i nearly FCUKING DIED !!
08/02/2006, 5:36 PM
Magicme

Quote:

Originally Posted by HuRya

Do they sell valentines cards in Monaghan?

Yeah but they dont pay men to send them to me! :mad:
08/02/2006, 6:15 PM
hamish

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magicme

Yeah but they dont pay men to send them to me! :mad:

Don't worry Magicme - we all love ya. You're cool.;) :)
08/02/2006, 10:21 PM
ccfcgirl

roses are red your zits are too if you need some help I squeeze them with you
09/02/2006, 1:37 AM
hamish

Quote:

Originally Posted by ccfcgirl

roses are red your zits are too if you need some help I squeeze them with you

Yuk, that's yukky ccfcgirl.:eek: :p :D
10/02/2006, 1:18 PM
Magicme

Quote:

Originally Posted by sirhamish

Don't worry Magicme - we all love ya. You're cool.;) :)

Am too old to be cool but thanks for the sentiment!

Anyone sending flowers c/o Century Homes Park, please note that I dont like roses but do like Sunflowers and tulips (especially purple ones!)

:D
10/02/2006, 4:15 PM
Block G Raptor

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magicme

Am too old to be cool but thanks for the sentiment!

Anyone sending flowers c/o Century Homes Park, please note that I dont like roses but do like Sunflowers and tulips (especially purple ones!)

:D

I Like tulips on my organ !

Taaaaaaxxxxxxiiiiiii for BGR
13/02/2006, 11:51 AM
Pauro 76

Not a line but Asda over here have a Valentines Day card you can buy for just 8p!!!!!!! going to use that as a joke for my girlfriend tomorrow to wind her up! :D
13/02/2006, 10:10 PM
Dazzy

Just get her a big box with a note inside "A box full of my love" Bet she will be ****ed off then :D
16/02/2006, 10:56 AM
CollegeTillIDie

Too late for 2006 so in preparation for 2007 and oldie but goldie written by the bard Traditional !

Roses are pink
Violets are purple
Many Poems rhyme
This isn't one of them
16/02/2006, 5:25 PM
strangeirish

Bit of help for next year...Some multi-cultural rituals to keep in mind:D

WHITE WOMEN

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN

First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN

First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later ~ her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

Not very pc, but funny anyway.
17/02/2006, 9:11 AM
CollegeTillIDie

Another one from Traditional

Kisses spread Germs and germs are hated
Kiss me quick I'm vaccinated
20/02/2006, 9:44 AM
Den Perry

For next year......

Roses are red,
violets are blue
I'm a scizophrenic
and so am I