funny things?

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17/02/2009, 2:07 PM
paul_oshea

MC/Compere lines/funny things?

Lads doing a bit of that this weekend. Ive done it before at socials and stuff with about 100 or so people and made the usual obvious/take the **** jokes, however this weekend its a bit more formal, 250+ guests, plus my parents will be there, and we have proper guest speakers over so cant be cursing or taking the **** kinda jokes. Wondering does anyone have quirky/quick easy gags that would come off who have done this kinda thing before, as I wont be doing a lot of talking?

I remember best man lines being very funny on here before so just wondering if people have anything similar!
17/02/2009, 2:14 PM
Sligo Hornet

This almost certainly may not be appropriate........was at Jongleurs in Edinburgh and the MC got chatting to a few early on...he then picked on a young lad at the front..."Are you here with friends, or is that lady beside you your girlfriend?"...he replied "No, she's my Mum!".....the MC then came back with..."Oh well, a Shag's a Shag":D
17/02/2009, 2:16 PM
paul_oshea

no i certainly dont think i can say that....
17/02/2009, 2:45 PM
gustavo

I was quite nervous before I came up here on stage , So I prepared a few lines

which I snorted in the toilets.
17/02/2009, 3:28 PM
OwlsFan

"Most people when they get up to speak say 'Brace yourselves, this won't take long', words my wife is well used to hearing".

I have actually spoken at formal functions in the UK and Ireland. I'll pm you a speech. Some won't be relevant but hopefully some might be of use. One that always gets a good laugh is.

"When I first saw my wife, I thought she was drop dead gorgeous so I went up to her and said 'Hi gorgeous' to which she replied 'Drop dead!'
17/02/2009, 3:44 PM
strangeirish

'Hello, my name is Paul O'Shea'...That should have them ROFL...:D...Works well with a big mad bog accent too.
17/02/2009, 3:45 PM
sligoman

Are you not meant to just be funny yourself as opposed to making people laugh off others material?;)
17/02/2009, 4:07 PM
paul_oshea

ya i am but some cheesy lines are always a help silageman!
17/02/2009, 6:48 PM
Pauro 76

Get yourself a piece of toast, and produce it when you say the words 'Id like to propose a toast!'
17/02/2009, 7:25 PM
osarusan

From Tommy Cooper - hang a tap from a piece of string and jerk it up and down....when the time is right, say, "Tap dancing."

Or walk out with a heater, and put it down on the stage - start to walk off, and then say as if it puzzles you, "The manager (or whoever) told me to go out and warm you up."
17/02/2009, 8:11 PM
beautifulrock

Paul, if you really want the audience to have a good time then....get some else to do MC :))
17/02/2009, 10:11 PM
Mr A

Remember- swearing is big and extremely cool. The more curses you can fit into every sentance the more entertained and impressed the audience will be.

Also, decapitating a puppy on stage is a sure way to impress the ladies present.
17/02/2009, 10:47 PM
paul_oshea

Quote:

Originally Posted by beautifulrock

Paul, if you really want the audience to have a good time then....get some else to do MC

thanks rock, i knew i could count on you to add something worthwhile as always ;) :D

ya the puppy one im not so sure.

The heaters are too big and chunky to carry out on stage!!!:D
18/02/2009, 1:41 PM
Den Perry

Listen, this could either go really well or completely back fire...

Why don't you let your flute hang out of your flies and see what kind of reaction you get?
18/02/2009, 3:19 PM
Wangball

I was best man at a wedding last year and I found a corking opening line....."I'd be lying if I said that this was the first time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a scrap of paper in my hand"
18/02/2009, 3:21 PM
Mr A

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wangball

I was best man at a wedding last year and I found a corking opening line....."I'd be lying if I said that this was the first time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a scrap of paper in my hand"

That would be particularly funny if his trousers were round his ankles at the time.
18/02/2009, 4:41 PM
NeilMcD

Quote:

Originally Posted by sligoman

Are you not meant to just be funny yourself as opposed to making people laugh off others material?;)

You obviously have not met Paul.
19/02/2009, 10:15 AM
Bluebeard

Quote:

Originally Posted by paul_oshea

Lads doing a bit of that this weekend. Ive done it before at socials and stuff with about 100 or so people and made the usual obvious/take the **** jokes, however this weekend its a bit more formal, 250+ guests, plus my parents will be there, and we have proper guest speakers over so cant be cursing or taking the **** kinda jokes. Wondering does anyone have quirky/quick easy gags that would come off who have done this kinda thing before, as I wont be doing a lot of talking?

I remember best man lines being very funny on here before so just wondering if people have anything similar!

Any stuff that I have ever come up with that was any way funny (a very seldom seen occurence) has generally been purely based on context, so I am afraid, were I able to, I can't really help without more info about the audience, and the circumstances. Good luck with it, and let us know how you get on.
19/02/2009, 10:31 AM
paul_oshea

BB thats generally how i work, but its always been with younger ppl, so I cant be offending the auld ones. However at DDs its always mentioned how great it is to see all the young people here, so I was thinking of saying "its great to see so many old people here!", its a bit obvious but i think if said correctly it could be funny.
19/02/2009, 10:40 AM
Sligo Hornet

Quote:

Originally Posted by paul_oshea

BB thats generally how i work, but its always been with younger ppl, so I cant be offending the auld ones. However at DDs its always mentioned how great it is to see all the young people here, so I was thinking of saying "its great to see so many old people here!", its a bit obvious but i think if said correctly it could be funny.

Just change"SEE" TO "SMELL";)