MC/Compere lines/funny things?

**paul_oshea** · 17/02/2009, 2:07 PM

Lads doing a bit of that this weekend. Ive done it before at socials and stuff with about 100 or so people and made the usual obvious/take the **** jokes, however this weekend its a bit more formal, 250+ guests, plus my parents will be there, and we have proper guest speakers over so cant be cursing or taking the **** kinda jokes. Wondering does anyone have quirky/quick easy gags that would come off who have done this kinda thing before, as I wont be doing a lot of talking?

I remember best man lines being very funny on here before so just wondering if people have anything similar!

**Sligo Hornet** · 17/02/2009, 2:14 PM

This almost certainly may not be appropriate........was at Jongleurs in Edinburgh and the MC got chatting to a few early on...he then picked on a young lad at the front..."Are you here with friends, or is that lady beside you your girlfriend?"...he replied "No, she's my Mum!".....the MC then came back with..."Oh well, a Shag's a Shag"

**paul_oshea** · 17/02/2009, 2:16 PM

no i certainly dont think i can say that....

**gustavo** · 17/02/2009, 2:45 PM

I was quite nervous before I came up here on stage , So I prepared a few lines

which I snorted in the toilets.

**OwlsFan** · 17/02/2009, 3:28 PM

"Most people when they get up to speak say 'Brace yourselves, this won't take long', words my wife is well used to hearing".

I have actually spoken at formal functions in the UK and Ireland. I'll pm you a speech. Some won't be relevant but hopefully some might be of use. One that always gets a good laugh is.

"When I first saw my wife, I thought she was drop dead gorgeous so I went up to her and said 'Hi gorgeous' to which she replied 'Drop dead!'

**strangeirish** · 17/02/2009, 3:44 PM

'Hello, my name is Paul O'Shea'...That should have them ROFL...

...Works well with a big mad bog accent too.

**sligoman** · 17/02/2009, 3:45 PM

Are you not meant to just be funny yourself as opposed to making people laugh off others material?

**paul_oshea** · 17/02/2009, 4:07 PM

ya i am but some cheesy lines are always a help silageman!

**Pauro 76** · 17/02/2009, 6:48 PM

Get yourself a piece of toast, and produce it when you say the words 'Id like to propose a toast!'

**osarusan** · 17/02/2009, 7:25 PM

From Tommy Cooper - hang a tap from a piece of string and jerk it up and down....when the time is right, say, "Tap dancing."

Or walk out with a heater, and put it down on the stage - start to walk off, and then say as if it puzzles you, "The manager (or whoever) told me to go out and warm you up."

**beautifulrock** · 17/02/2009, 8:11 PM

Paul, if you really want the audience to have a good time then....get some else to do MC

)

**Mr A** · 17/02/2009, 10:11 PM

Remember- swearing is big and extremely cool. The more curses you can fit into every sentance the more entertained and impressed the audience will be.

Also, decapitating a puppy on stage is a sure way to impress the ladies present.

**paul_oshea** · 17/02/2009, 10:47 PM

Originally Posted by beautifulrock

Paul, if you really want the audience to have a good time then....get some else to do MC

thanks rock, i knew i could count on you to add something worthwhile as always

ya the puppy one im not so sure.

The heaters are too big and chunky to carry out on stage!!!

**Den Perry** · 18/02/2009, 1:41 PM

Listen, this could either go really well or completely back fire...

Why don't you let your flute hang out of your flies and see what kind of reaction you get?

**Wangball** · 18/02/2009, 3:19 PM

I was best man at a wedding last year and I found a corking opening line....."I'd be lying if I said that this was the first time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a scrap of paper in my hand"

**Mr A** · 18/02/2009, 3:21 PM

Originally Posted by Wangball

I was best man at a wedding last year and I found a corking opening line....."I'd be lying if I said that this was the first time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a scrap of paper in my hand"

That would be particularly funny if his trousers were round his ankles at the time.

**NeilMcD** · 18/02/2009, 4:41 PM

Originally Posted by sligoman

Are you not meant to just be funny yourself as opposed to making people laugh off others material?

You obviously have not met Paul.

**Bluebeard** · 19/02/2009, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by paul_oshea

Lads doing a bit of that this weekend. Ive done it before at socials and stuff with about 100 or so people and made the usual obvious/take the **** jokes, however this weekend its a bit more formal, 250+ guests, plus my parents will be there, and we have proper guest speakers over so cant be cursing or taking the **** kinda jokes. Wondering does anyone have quirky/quick easy gags that would come off who have done this kinda thing before, as I wont be doing a lot of talking?

I remember best man lines being very funny on here before so just wondering if people have anything similar!

Any stuff that I have ever come up with that was any way funny (a very seldom seen occurence) has generally been purely based on context, so I am afraid, were I able to, I can't really help without more info about the audience, and the circumstances. Good luck with it, and let us know how you get on.

**paul_oshea** · 19/02/2009, 10:31 AM

BB thats generally how i work, but its always been with younger ppl, so I cant be offending the auld ones. However at DDs its always mentioned how great it is to see all the young people here, so I was thinking of saying "its great to see so many old people here!", its a bit obvious but i think if said correctly it could be funny.

**Sligo Hornet** · 19/02/2009, 10:40 AM

Originally Posted by paul_oshea

BB thats generally how i work, but its always been with younger ppl, so I cant be offending the auld ones. However at DDs its always mentioned how great it is to see all the young people here, so I was thinking of saying "its great to see so many old people here!", its a bit obvious but i think if said correctly it could be funny.

Just change"SEE" TO "SMELL"