Your Drunk Stories

[Dunny]

a tad embarrasing but here goes.....:o

I used to work in a hotel!!one day i was on a split shift (9-3....8-finish) anyhow after work, ******ed tired i decided to have a few pints in the bar with a colleague! Well about 10 pints and 2 hours later i fell out the door and "home jones" were the taxis instructions (living at home at the time)...fell in, went to bed....well i was rudely awoken by my old lad...... apparantly I walked into the parents bedroom, up alonmgside the bed, steadied myself and began to hav a nice relaxed pi$$ on the covers! starting at the fathers feet working my way up about as far as his chest, shaking it off and calmly exiting back to my bed! Apparantly when i was asked what i was doing i repled "il get ur pint in a minute, just using the jacks in reception" the next morning hungover, and giggly i came down to the kitchen, apologised and said i was only "taking the ****" - didnt go down well!! a strange case of drink induced sleep walking ya mite agree!:o

LMFAO:D

POTM!

[kingdom hoop]

Jesus kingdom, i won't be going out drinking with you again

Well it's not like I want to go out drinking with you again either. :mad: :p

To be fair, I'd exempt fellow board members from humiliation (unless they want to do so themselves; which happily has happened recently). Indeed, I was obliged to hold my own horses this week after a certain member (who shall remain nameless, and timid too I'd imagine) got up to some awful shenanigans last weekend. :)

[Wolfie]

Signature changed by the way Wolfie.

A fitting signature for any self respecting social diarist, Kingdom :D

To your credit Sir, and I bid you good-day!!!! :D

[Bluebeard]

a tad embarrasing but here goes.....

I used to work in a hotel!!one day i was on a split shift (9-3....8-finish) anyhow after work, ******ed tired i decided to have a few pints in the bar with a colleague! Well about 10 pints and 2 hours later i fell out the door and "home jones" were the taxis instructions (living at home at the time)...fell in, went to bed....well i was rudely awoken by my old lad...... apparantly I walked into the parents bedroom, up alonmgside the bed, steadied myself and began to hav a nice relaxed pi$$ on the covers! starting at the fathers feet working my way up about as far as his chest, shaking it off and calmly exiting back to my bed! Apparantly when i was asked what i was doing i repled "il get ur pint in a minute, just using the jacks in reception" the next morning hungover, and giggly i came down to the kitchen, apologised and said i was only "taking the ****" - didnt go down well!!:D a strange case of drink induced sleep walking ya mite agree!:o

Quality. Though remind me to forget about going on the lash with you if you are ever over in London;)

[Green Tribe]

Well it's not like I want to go out drinking with you again either.

To be fair, I'd exempt fellow board members from humiliation (unless they want to do so themselves; which happily has happened recently). Indeed, I was obliged to hold my own horses this week after a certain member (who shall remain nameless, and timid too I'd imagine) got up to some awful shenanigans last weekend.

Fine then! :D
So spill the beans who was boozing and misbehaving last weekend then! :eek: :D

[jebus]

To be fair, I'd exempt fellow board members from humiliation (unless they want to do so themselves; which happily has happened recently). Indeed, I was obliged to hold my own horses this week after a certain member (who shall remain nameless, and timid too I'd imagine) got up to some awful shenanigans last weekend.

I keep telling you, anything that happened after I blacked out didn't actually happen, not the getting thrown out of a knacker bar, not the puking, not the rape......I've said too much :p

Seriously though I'd love to go back to that bar (if I had any idea where it was, even a rough location might do) and find out how I managed to get myself hopped out the door of what seemed like a complete and other shambo bar. From my scattered memory I seem to recall it was the type of place where people get shot and shoot up on a nightly basis, what offence could I have caused to get me barred in a place like that? :D

[SuperDave]

another one from last thursday... had another exam and after i finished it went to a karaoke bar on capel street... about 30 of us... few beers there and then onto Raynards... all civil at this time... few more beers... left there about two o'clock and went back to a friends house in sandyford... only tequila in his house by this stage... so it was tequila and coke... i remember standing on a sofa singing ''thriller'' in a really high pitched voice when it was starting to get bright out... and then leaving the house when it was properly bright out, despite it snowing... about 8am... with lots of traffic and cars on their way to work... sitting on the luas wearing a suit and stinking of drink on the way back into town... getting a taxi from the green home at about 9am... then sleeping for a few hours before going to work as a barman at six in the evening... thankfully cos i work in a pub no-one would notice the smell of booze

[Wolfie]

About 10 years ago, myself and a few mates decided to go drinking in Skerries, just to get out of the usual City Centre spots. One of the lads, who was mad enough without drink, was happy enough to be the "designated driver".

Returning home, having drunk a skin-full, I seriously needed to take a leak. We were driving on back-roads and it was pitch black as there were no street lights. I eventually had to demand the car stop to let me out to relieve my bloated bladder.

No sooner had I jumped out of the car, then the lads sped off, abandoning me there in the pitch black in mid urination. As I looked out onto a plouged field,all alone in the dark, waiting for the lads to come back, I saw a shadowy figure stood in the middle of the field, about 800 feet in, motionless. It was a scarecrow.

The thought struck me - wouldn't it be great crack altogether if we nicked it and brought it home. It was a hell of a scrap to uproot the bloody thing but I managed to wrestle the scarecrow to the ground and made my way back to the roadside - covered in muck.

When the lads returned to pick me up - I informed them that I was going nowhere without "Worzel". Both backseat windows were wound down and Worzel placed horizontally in the backseat with his head stuck out the window.

Having stopped off at a chipper, with Worzel in tow, all was going well. Disaster struck when we were about to head off and the cops spotted us. The cop asked my mate to wind down his window and said - "Lads, yis have 5 minutes to dispose of that or you're heading down the station". Poor ould Worzel had to be broken up and dumped in a bin as the filth looked on from a distance:mad:

I often think of a heart-broken farmer on the outskirts of Skerries, wondering what heartless swines had kidnapped his Scarecrow. He's put his "missing" picture on milk cartons and everything - but not a trace. :(

[ifk101]

Another story. Not mine though. ;)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7482551.stm

[Wolfie]

Another story. Not mine though. ;)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7482551.stm

Imagine the fright he got when he woke up in a confused state with a hangover and suddenly realised he was drifting somewhere in the North Sea :D

[inexile]

Mine isn't really funny, just goes to show how dangerous women are. I was out on the rip since 6 on friday straight after work, half 2 in the morning i pull this bird and she invites me home, so im thinking result!! I couldnt get her in the taxi quick enough. so we get out to her place and up the lift into her apartment.
In the door and I try it on, no point wasting any time is there?
Only I get shot down, and try again with the same result.
So I get fine and thick after the feed of drink and dont fancy a night of cuddling and talking till the sun comes up, so I walk out!
Only to find I cant get out of the courtyard without one of these fob keys, there was no way in the world I was going back up to her, so I look around and fancy my chances of scaling the wall. After 10 minutes or so of grunting I get up and as im getting down the far side i lose my footing and fall and I swear I didn't feel a thing.
I flagged down a taxi and go home to bed. At sometime during the night the drink wears off and I wake up in some pain. I went to the hospital later that day. 2 cracked ribs and a broken wrist.
Now all i want is a cuddle

[Bluebeard]

Mine isn't really funny, just goes to show how dangerous women are. I was out on the rip since 6 on friday straight after work, half 2 in the morning i pull this bird and she invites me home, so im thinking result!! I couldnt get her in the taxi quick enough. so we get out to her place and up the lift into her apartment.
In the door and I try it on, no point wasting any time is there?
Only I get shot down, and try again with the same result.
So I get fine and thick after the feed of drink and dont fancy a night of cuddling and talking till the sun comes up, so I walk out!
Only to find I cant get out of the courtyard without one of these fob keys, there was no way in the world I was going back up to her, so I look around and fancy my chances of scaling the wall. After 10 minutes or so of grunting I get up and as im getting down the far side i lose my footing and fall and I swear I didn't feel a thing.
I flagged down a taxi and go home to bed. At sometime during the night the drink wears off and I wake up in some pain. I went to the hospital later that day. 2 cracked ribs and a broken wrist.
Now all i want is a cuddle

I thought it was really funny...

[inexile]

dunno if your taking the mickey outta me bluebeard, but i dont find it funny anyway!!!
if she only put out none of this would have happened

[inexile]

The bitch...

i know ya, who does she think she is?!?!?!
does she not know who i am????

[jebus]

i know ya, who does she think she is?!?!?!
does she not know who i am????

Bluebeard's new sidekick......Blueballs?

:D

[Sligo Hornet]

Mine isn't really funny, just goes to show how dangerous women are. I was out on the rip since 6 on friday straight after work, half 2 in the morning i pull this bird and she invites me home, so im thinking result!! I couldnt get her in the taxi quick enough. so we get out to her place and up the lift into her apartment.
In the door and I try it on, no point wasting any time is there?
Only I get shot down, and try again with the same result.
So I get fine and thick after the feed of drink and dont fancy a night of cuddling and talking till the sun comes up, so I walk out!
Only to find I cant get out of the courtyard without one of these fob keys, there was no way in the world I was going back up to her, so I look around and fancy my chances of scaling the wall. After 10 minutes or so of grunting I get up and as im getting down the far side i lose my footing and fall and I swear I didn't feel a thing.
I flagged down a taxi and go home to bed. At sometime during the night the drink wears off and I wake up in some pain. I went to the hospital later that day. 2 cracked ribs and a broken wrist.
Now all i want is a cuddle

Are you sure you didn't break your wrist through excessive unilateral "cuddling"?;)

[inexile]

well i do like it rough!

i do like that as well jebus good shout, although i do think (black and) blueribs would be more apt at the moment!!

to think i nearly had put an end to my drought and everything

[kingdom hoop]

to think i nearly had put an end to my drought and everything

I'm sure the Lord will come again! :D

[inexile]

i hope so, i was hoping to double my lifes tally

[kingdom hoop]

The Lord doesn't hope.... he acts.


The Lord doesn't ask..... he leads.



The Lord doesn't doubt.... he believes. :)

[Bluebeard]

My ex girls funny drunk story....






http://img03.picoodle.com/img/img03/8/4/25/f_Funny20Pictm_c255346.jpg

God I miss her....

So drunk she walked in on someone taking a quiet dump:eek:;)

[The Scientist]

Few years back.

After winning the county under 21 hurling championship we all went of on the pi$$ in the Old Ground pub in Waterford. Place packed and a karaoke in full swing!! Course I decided to sing!! I sang “I shot the sheriff” and repeated the 1 sentence for 3 and a half minutes to a standing ovation
Headed into town to Muldoon’s, proceeded to get into one of the lads little sisters (16) I was 18. Practically tried to ride her in a packed bar!! Got her into the car park down at the back of the Mansion house pub!! Rode her, blew the load and told her to head off home. Walked home out the Dunmore Road and fell numerous times. Finally I got to the house proceeded to pi$$ up against the mothers roses and had a major argument with the tree over the game until my brother shouted out the window to cop on and go to bed!!

Woke up the next day at about 4 o clock, f@cking dying, so decided to go back out on the pi$$!! Ended up in the pub at 5 and stayed there all night!! Closing time came, decided we didn’t have enough so went down to the corner bar down on the quay!! (24hr bar). 2 of us decided to stay there till about half 5, well shuttered by this stage, we left and crossed the road over to look at the boats!! We both decided to rob a small dingy!! So we proceed to row down the quay against the tide and there was a small cruiser on the Ferrybank side, my mate decided to scream at the crew members on the boat that he was the captain of our ship. I was trying to row while buckled over with the laughing. Rowed on more for about 300 yards and decided I had enough!! (Our aim was to go to Passage East on the lash which was about 6 miles down the river) There was a pontoon outside the Marina hotel and while I was getting out I slipped on a load of green stuff and got my jeans destroyed. Headed into the hotel to try and clean it in the jacks but my mate got side tracked by the smell of breakfast!! In we went, sat down with all the yanks, food was served up and the waitress asked us who are we with, I said we are with the cosmos tour!! (in my best drunken american accent) So she looked at us and knew only too well we weren’t in the group!! She headed off to get the porter so I told my mate, eat as fast as you can because we are out of here!! Porter came in and F@cked us out with half a black pudding in me mouth!!

Got outside and decided I had enough and got a taxi home!! Have to say thou it was prob the funniest weekend I ever had!!
Have other stories about college but leave it for another time!! Also have a story and video evidence of Tony O Donohue and Paul Lennon been ejected from a Bar in Cardiff last year!!

[Sam_Heggy]

6 words, one weekend:
Full frontal nudity in temple bar :o

[Longfordian]

Few years back.

Headed into town to Muldoon’s, proceeded to get into one of the lads little sisters (16) I was 18. Practically tried to ride her in a packed bar!! Got her into the car park down at the back of the Mansion house pub!! Rode her, blew the load and told her to head off home. Walked home out the Dunmore Road and fell numerous times. Finally I got to the house proceeded to pi$$ up against the mothers roses and had a major argument with the tree over the game until my brother shouted out the window to cop on and go to bed!!

Woke up the next day at about 4 o clock, f@cking dying, so decided to go back out on the pi$$!! Ended up in the pub at 5 and stayed there all night!! Closing time came, decided we didn’t have enough so went down to the corner bar down on the quay!! (24hr bar). 2 of us decided to stay there till about half 5, well shuttered by this stage, we left and crossed the road over to look at the boats!! We both decided to rob a small dingy!! So we proceed to row down the quay against the tide and there was a small cruiser on the Ferrybank side, my mate decided to scream at the crew members on the boat that he was the captain of our ship. I was trying to row while buckled over with the laughing. Rowed on more for about 300 yards and decided I had enough!! (Our aim was to go to Passage East on the lash which was about 6 miles down the river) There was a pontoon outside the Marina hotel and while I was getting out I slipped on a load of green stuff and got my jeans destroyed. Headed into the hotel to try and clean it in the jacks but my mate got side tracked by the smell of breakfast!! In we went, sat down with all the yanks, food was served up and the waitress asked us who are we with, I said we are with the cosmos tour!! (in my best drunken american accent) So she looked at us and knew only too well we weren’t in the group!! She headed off to get the porter so I told my mate, eat as fast as you can because we are out of here!! Porter came in and F@cked us out with half a black pudding in me mouth!!

Got outside and decided I had enough and got a taxi home!! Have to say thou it was prob the funniest weekend I ever had!!
Have other stories about college but leave it for another time!! Also have a story and video evidence of Tony O Donohue and Paul Lennon been ejected from a Bar in Cardiff last year!!



Can you hear the patrol car on its way up the driveway? You win first prize in the spend the night with Bubba competition. Congratulations ;) .

[First]

Hey Bubba!! How's he been, let's check:


http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e129/spitfire22091/dude.jpg

Aww that Bubba... What a kidder....!! :D

I am in Alabama at the moment and Bubba is everywhere..

[First]

That's cool. Bubba's and Rednecks everywhere eh?

Lets just say its diverse. I am in a meeting at the moment with a white south african , an Indian (from the country India) an Englishman , Bubba and his bro, Cletus (Joe ) and his sidekick Scooter ( I kid you not ) , I know there is a joke in there somewhere.... did you here about the Irishman , the South African , the Indian, Bubba and the englishman in a meeting in Alabama ,











No one liked the Englishman:)

[The Scientist]

Can you hear the patrol car on its way up the driveway? You win first prize in the spend the night with Bubba competition. Congratulations ;) .

says the Longford man renowned for their reckless inbreding!! Why do you think Longford town has one of the small churches in Ireland?? Because ye all go to one side of the church when ye get married!! ;)

[Longfordian]

Forgive me for wishing to advise that confessing your sexual exploits as an adult with a 16 year old mightn't be a wise idea ;). There's no statute of limitations on rape you know :eek: . Still, I'm sure you'll be fine in prison.

[Bluebeard]

says the Longford man renowned for their reckless inbreding!!

As opposed to considered and thought-through inbreeding? I'd like to see that particular branch of the Family Planning Association!

[Mr A]

Dahamsta's post in the video thread made me think of this:


I've been that drunk and it's not that bad. Sure yerman was laughing his ass off at the outset, he knew damned well what was going on. Can get frustrating alright, but as long as there wasn't a danger from someone or something else, he's no harm to anyone. Very hard to hurt yourself badly just by falling over when you're drunk, it's tensing up while falling causes the injuries.

I wasn't far off that drunk one night in Turner's Cross, very, very late, wandering all over the (thankfully wide) footpath, ending up staring goggle-eyed at the phone in a phonebox, deperately wanting to call a taxi and just get home, yet singularly incapable of remembering how the damned things work*. Squad car pulls up alongside me, asks if I'm alright, and offers me a spin home. They even dropped me at the end of my road, so mammy and the neighbours wouldn't see.

When people bitch about the Guards, I always think of those two utterly sound Guards.


* I've done this at the front door too, either because I couldn't get the key in the lock, or because I couldn't find the key that was actually in my pocket all along.

Come on, let's be having you! Let's be having your drunken stories!

http://www3.waterstones.com/wat/images/special/author/l/delia_smith.jpg

[SkStu]

i may be wrong but i think we have a similar thread in the depths of this forum, to which i contributed 2 stories. Very proud moments.

[bennocelt]

i may be wrong but i think we have a similar thread in the depths of this forum, to which i contributed 2 stories. Very proud moments.

Yeah i remember that.................................

[SkStu]

i tried searching for it but cant find it.

[SkStu]

ha! found it!

http://foot.ie/threads/77414-Your-drunk-stories?daysprune=-1

[dahamsta]

Merged. Excellent weekend reading!

[bennocelt]

Ah yeah, luge down the hill on beer crates and trays, mental craic. Obviously we weren't there for the hookers!

I remember giving one of those ladies of the night a piggy back up the hill and then spinning around around quite fast while she was still on my back, wondering why she was roaring at me, it seems that her skirt was flying up and she was wearing no underwear while an good audience gathered around. Oh man, those were the best 3 weeks of my life.

Just re reading this - I actually might have a photo of this - will be home i two weeks so will try and dig it out (and others pics):D

[thischarmingman]

This thread makes me want to head out tonight.

[SkStu]

This thread makes me want to head out tonight.

now you just need mates... ;) ;) ;)

[thischarmingman]

now you just need mates... ;) ;) ;)

With Foot.ie on my mobile, I can bring my mates anywhere now.

[Acornvilla]

i watched longford loose 3-1 to mons so instead of taking it out on the ref and roddys face i got very drunk and now i can't sleep

[Mr A]

I had forgotten about this thread completely until you guys mentioned it but it was funny to revisit.

This comment in particular was brilliant:


I once killed a drifter to get an erection, judging by the stories here I'm still a better human being than most

I guess it's a pretty succinct critique of our national relationship with alcohol.

On the one hand we have a big problem. On the other- screw it, we are who we are.

Will contribute one or two of my own misadventures at some stage this week.

[Magicme]

I think I mite be ago drunk from weekend coz was reading away thinking some of the stories seemed familiar then copper it was the old thread resurrected. Doh.

I have no stories to contribute as am a well behaved drunk.

[Fizzer]

Out in the college bar a few years ago in Galway. Was living with a few lads from Tralee at the time, one of whom was a total lunatic. He had a fairly serious taste for milk, used to drink about two litres a day. Anyway, we head off after having a few in the bar. There's a fairly wide stream that runs through the campus and the header decides to bet us that he can jump from one side to the other without getting wet. We all go in for a tenner each. The lunatic strips off to his waist and there's a fair crowd gathering at this stage. So yer man takes this fckn massive run-up and jumps across, hits the far bank hard and tumbles into the stream. We grab the fool and haul him out and he's roaring in pain at this stage. The far bank looks fairly ok in that it's kind of grassy and looks like it would be a soft landing but it turns out there's an old wall underneath the grass and he's hit the thing full force.

We get him dressed anyway and head off for some ice-creams. At this stage our hero decides he has to go to hospital so I take him up to the casualty. Turns out that he's broken both his arms, one of them in about three places so it's properly fckd. We get him sorted and he's left going around the place with two big casts on his arms.

As I was saying, this fella loves drinking milk so I decide that it'd be a bit of craic to lace his milk wit laxative. You're only supposed to give someone a few tablespoons or so but we're drunk (again) and we use more of less the whole bottle. Yer man gets stuck into his milk as per usual and within a couple of hours he can be heard screaming in the toilet. I'm not joking he must have gone to the jacks twenty times over a few hours, he was in ribbons. Anyway, the worst of it was, his two arms were in casts and he couldn't even wipe his @rse.
Haven't heard from him in a while but someone told me he's now in Cambridge Uni. Never would have believed it possible back then.

[dahamsta]

It's never happened to me, but I've always considered laxative the laziest, dumbest "prank" ever.

Sorry, I just don't think it's even remotely funny. It could actually kill someone.

[Fizzer]

Yeah we were lazy and dumb. But we weren't boring lazy dummies with no sense of humour which is a positive. Just young lads having a laugh. and no-one died, just broke their arms.

[dahamsta]

Don't get me wrong, I've done some incredibly dumb things, drunk or not, ages ago and recently. I just don't think laxatives are funny, and I don't want anyone else to think laxatives are funny. Hence the post.

[strangeirish]

Don't get me wrong, I've done some incredibly dumb things, drunk or not, ages ago and recently. I just don't think laxatives are funny, and I don't want anyone else to think laxatives are funny. Hence the post.
Well no ***t!:cool:

[Lev Yashin]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVkFVgqhYlk

I got so drunk one time i thought i was a Ref...

Was just thinking how funny it would be if all ref's had to be drunk ...They wouldn't be able to keep up with play, they'd get decisions wrong, they would be arrogant and belligerent and would make a holy show of themselves....

Oh wait.

[theworm2345]

Don't get me wrong, I've done some incredibly dumb things, drunk or not, ages ago and recently. I just don't think laxatives are funny, and I don't want anyone else to think laxatives are funny. Hence the post.

Well no ***t!:cool:
That wouldn't be the case if you used laxatives :o

[nigel-harps1954]

Um, Mundy played the college bar in Athlone in 2010 at Rag Week whilst I was in college there. Wandered up to him pished after he played with the words, "cmere, just wondering how do you get away with being completely sh*te and still so many people know you". Just looked at me blankly and I took the hint and wandered off elsewhere..