A way with words

[Schumi]

How about us? Any of the last three in fact.

[sligoman]

How about us? Any of the last three in fact.

Nah, my memory goes a little fuzzy around those fixtures. Although I do remember hearing your fans talk, posh gits!

[superfrank]

"You'd swear he was a TD, the way he was always shaking hands with the unemployed."

[the 12 th man]

When referring to a rough area/neighbourhood:

"They'd rob the eye outa your head and then swear you were born blind"

[Peadar]

He'd take the milk out of your tea!

He could peel an orange in his pocket!

[SaucyJack]

Somehow I don't think Howard Dean used the right phrase here;

http://poststuff2.entensity.net/1102...ethesalami.wmv

[A face]

Girls that bat for the pink team .... together !!

Clam jousters !!

[paul_oshea]

im sweating like a priest in a hoor house.

im sweating like a peadophile in a play ground.

anto pm me that one as well.

[hamish]

He's as bent as a snake in a jamjar

A friend in need is a pest. - Arthur Daley

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

But you can't beat our old friend Confucious because he say..............

Never enter a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

It's ok to let a fool ride you, but don't let a ride fool you.

He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot

A good woman will do 70 chores around the house. Cooking and 69.

A smile is like tight underwear ... it makes your cheeks go up.

Never marry a woman with big hands. It will make your d!ck look smaller

A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary

The difference between pink and purple, is your grip

Learn to masturbate--come in handy

Gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy much alike. Both can smell it, but they can't eat it.

Viagra is like Disneyland... a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride

Sperm sample from Nobel Prize winner is called, 'Stroke of Genius'

Best way to make wife's panties wet every day, is to do the laundry

Don't let your affection give you an infection. Put some protection on that erection

In prison, best way to separate the men from the boys is with a crowbar

Christmas trees are like priests...Their balls are just for decoration

“He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth”

" Man who put cream in tart is not necessarily baker."

"Faster, Harder, Deeper" is not the motto of the Olympics.

It's OK for Schoolboy to masturbate, as long as it's not against his Principals

Man who dates dynamite lady, gets big bang out of her

It is good for girl to meet boy in park,
but better for boy to park meat in girl

Man who let woman on top, will screw up

Sexy typist will bang on keyboard!

'tis better to sleep with old hen, than pullet - that's an old one.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly

[dancinpants]

When referring to a rough area/neighbourhood:

"They'd rob the eye outa your head and then swear you were born blind"

Or, they'd take the eye out of yer head and come back for yer eyelashes.

[hamish]

I remember travelling through Galway one day with a mate of mine who played bass with the Philosophers showband when he spotted an old girlfriend walking down the road. He obviously hadn't the greatest of memories of her 'cos he said,
"Will ya look at that wan, she's such a cold hearted bitch, she'd put her eyelash into the crack in yer tool and wouldn't even blink"

[strangeirish]

"I'm so busy,I feel like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest"

"I'm off like a prom dress"

"Penetrate, then evacuate"

[cheifo]

She is so beautiful I would crawl naked over a mile of broken glass just to have a w*** over her shadow.

Back to therapy

[paul_oshea]

up the bum no harm done,

up the rectum wont affect 'um,

[dancinpants]

He'd take the milk out of your tea!

He could peel an orange in his pocket!

Tighter than a nun's chuff.

On other matters:

A face on her that'd strip paint.

So tired I could sleep on a washin' line.

Ye'd stab her with the pork sword.