Mons at the Pike

**Stevo's Boots** · 07/08/2003, 9:29 AM

I was very good at geography at school, but if you asked me to point on Monaghan on a map I’m not sure I’d be able to. I suppose it’s one of those places that people say exists but nobody has ever actually been there. I suppose the whole of the midlands is really just a grey area (literally). So, Middle-of-Nowhere United will be disappearing back into the ether after getting a spanking tonight.

Which makes it all the more surprising that their manager is the legendary popstar, Bobby Browne. Famous for being Whitney Houston’s husband and for such hits as “My Prerogative” and…, well hit then. Ms Houston has been having a rough time with the old habit recently so maybe Bobby wanted to take her to the one place in the world where nobody would be able to find her, and the Middle-of-Nowhere was exactly where they ended up. How he got a job managing a football team is still unclear, maybe the locals reckoned a black man with all that jewellery might know David Beckham and that qualifies you in their eyes.

Though the teams recent form suggests that Bobby should stick to the singing and dancing. And maybe take a few of the players with him, because all they seem to do is throw shapes. 12 points out of 16 games, 27 goals conceded (7 of them against the woeful Sligo Rovers) means they are cannon fodder for every team except of course Kilkenny and Athlone. And they were knocked out of the cup by a non-league team. It was ironic actually that the draw for the FAI Cup 3rd Round was made ina place called the Gravity Bar and the team that has suffered worst from the pull of gravity in the last two years wasn’t there.

Middle-of-Nowhere United lost their keeper to Kildare last week too. And they seemed upset at that. Strange, though I suppose he is one of the keepers in the league who gets most practice.

The Middle-of-Nowhere forum on foot.ie has a link to a local pub in it. It’s called the Squealing Pig. Let’s hope the team make it back safe and sound and that Whitney hasn’t created too much of ruckus in the Squealing Pig waiting for her Bobby.