Dear Santy,

[Torn-Ado]

Dear JC

You are a typical Irishman. You lived at home with your mother for 30+ years and thought she was a virgin.

Look forward to hearing from you in February and enjoy the party.

Foot.ie

His auld lad worked on the buildings too.

Well. Not his real da.

[OwlsFan]

Dear Jesus,

Still up for the pub on the 24th for a pre-party p!ss up without the family? Pete's bringing a huge vat of water, and Judas says he's got a few quid to splash on food (dunno why, he's normally looking to borrow off me).

And if you need any more convincing, Mary Magdalen's been asking after you. She's hoping to come, if you know what I mean

Anyway, text me and we'll sort stuff out - don't worry, we'll have you back in time for mass in the morning!

Bluebeard.

Dear Bluebeard

Thanks for the note and apologies for the delay in replying.

This request to help in selecting a decent Irish manager is a real cross to bear. Hopefully the 3 wise men will have reported to me by Easter. It will be a real weight off my shoulders then. No matter whom I choose, I suspect I'll get crucified by the media.

Roll on Easter. That's what I say.

JC

[blobbyblob]

Dear Santa,

Sorry to see the Slim Fast didnt work out for you. Theres nothing wrong with being morbidly obese anyway. Andy Reid gets along just fine.

Gis a couple of Brazil tickets if ya can. If not me mates said axe for a pass for the joke Factory in Abbotstown.

Cheers bud,

Blob

[Traps Cat]

Dear Santa,

Can i have the Xl2000 Karaoke machine as seen on page 425 of the Argos catalogue please.

Cheers,

Robbie
London