the Pope and the queen

[Ruairi]

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage in
front of a huge crowd. Her Majesty and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the Queen says to the Pope,

"Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make
every English person in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved
wave elicits rapture and cheering from every English person in the crowd.

Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be
outdone by someone wearing a worse frock & hat than he, considers what he could do.
"Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that
with just one little wave of MY hand I can make every IRISH person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so.
"One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped her.

[A face]

There was a Irishman, an Englishman, and
Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage
in a train going through Provence.
Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and
as it was an old style train, there were no lights
in the carriages and it went completely dark.
Then there was a kissing noise and
the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel,
Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as
if nothing had happened and the Englishman
had his hand against his face
as if he had been slapped there.
The Englishman was thinking: 'The Irish
fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and
she missed him and slapped me instead.'
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella
must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman
and got slapped for it.' And the Irishman was thinking:
'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel
I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English ******* again.