Simpsons Quotes

**gustavo** · 05/07/2001, 8:08 PM

Whats everybodys favorite Simpsons quote?
mine is :
Homer: But every time I learn something
new, it pushes out something old!
Remember that time I took a home
wine-making course and forgot how to
drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!

**The Legend** · 05/07/2001, 8:19 PM

Mr. Burns: Use an open faced club, a sand wedge!

Homer: mmmm open faced club sandwhich!

...OR.............................

Homer: Hello, My name is Mr. Burns, i believe you have a letter for me?

Postal guy: Ok, Mr.Burns, what's your first name?

Homer: I don't know.

**jbrazil** · 05/07/2001, 10:19 PM

Moe: i need you to do me a favour homer, i need you to steal my car.

Homer: steal? me? oh no moe, you've got the wrong guy. (as moes glass falls from beneath his jacket)!

**dahamsta** · 05/07/2001, 10:22 PM

Belle: Your son was trespassing on my property and destroyed a very valuable stone gargoyle, and--Are you wearing a grocery bag?

Homer: I have misplaced my pants.

**Macy** · 06/07/2001, 9:37 AM

The Homer toast: "To alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems!"

**joe** · 06/07/2001, 9:49 AM

here's some good ones:

http://www.lifeisajoke.com/simpsonspeak_html.htm

**dahamsta** · 06/07/2001, 10:14 AM

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us anything - and it hasn't - it's that girls are suited for girl sports such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such.

**pete** · 06/07/2001, 10:37 AM

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

To Bart: "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

To Bart: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."

Leonard · 06/07/2001, 10:49 AM

I like the one in the witness protection one where Homer runs into Bart's room and shouts "hey Bart wanna see my new hockey mask and chainsaw!"
Also, same episode, when Sideshow Bob gets out from under the car and everywhere he walks there are rakes that shoot up and hit him in the face, all you hear is a sad moan of pain.

**James** · 06/07/2001, 11:21 AM

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs."

and my favourite

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is
important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals!Except the weasel."

"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city,keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would
explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"

To Bart
"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that
will get you through life.
Number 1, 'cover for me.'
Number 2, 'oh, good idea, boss.'
Number 3, 'it was like that when I got here.'"

"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."