Funny Quotes

**blobbyblob** · 04/05/2006, 9:39 AM

I'm as sick as a small hospital

I'm so hungry I'd eat a small child

She had a face on her like a well slapped a*se

Your' re as welcome as a f*rt in a spacesuit

My mouth's as dry as a nuns cr@ck

He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup

He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician

As funny as a burning orphanage

He's so camp, he ****es tent pegs

I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes

I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover)

(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress

She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn

As busy as the dalkey dole office

As tight as a nun's knickers

I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn

I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.

Up and down like a hoor's knickers

No show pony but would do for a ride around the house

Did your mother find out who your father is yet?

What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt

I left her with a face like a painters radio

A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard

Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche

As fit as a butcher's dog

She ' s got more chins than a Chinese phone book

Not even the tide would take her out

Mother Teresa wouldn 't kiss her

Daz wouldn't shift her

Des Kelly wouldn't lay her

A sniper wouldn't take her out

Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle

If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one

She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked p*ss off a nettle

She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede

She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab

If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall

Give her a boot in the hole and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of her f@nny

**drinkfeckarse** · 04/05/2006, 9:45 AM

Had this a while ago in an e-mail. Can't remember who the quotes were attributed to but it wasn't Podge and Rodge anyway.

**CollegeTillIDie** · 04/05/2006, 9:11 PM

Originally Posted by drinkfeckarse

Had this a while ago in an e-mail. Can't remember who the quotes were attributed to but it wasn't Podge and Rodge anyway.

They are well known English language Irishisms.....

My favourite hunger one.. is one I heard from a fellow student from Kilkenny.

" I'm so hungry I'd eat a farmer's arse through a hedge "

**anto eile** · 04/05/2006, 9:11 PM

good ones there.

also: "dirtier than christina aguilera's knickers after a dose of the scuts"

**blobbyblob** · 04/05/2006, 10:38 PM

Im so hungry Id eat the back wheel off a menstral cycle

**gustavo** · 04/05/2006, 10:45 PM

Dont know if this is an Irishism but i've heard the comment that if a young lady has particularly prominent nipples that "you could hang a pair of wet duffelcoats on them"

**osarusan** · 08/05/2006, 12:48 AM

here is one I learnt from a German fella over here in Japan about girls with red hair.

"Rusty roof, damp basement"

**sligoman** · 08/05/2006, 1:14 AM

Originally Posted by osarusan

girls with red hair.

"Rusty roof, damp basement"

Haha, classic!

.

**Dassa** · 08/05/2006, 3:02 AM

one said up here all the time you've a face on you like a Lurgan Spade. What ever the hell it means

**Lim till i die** · 08/05/2006, 3:10 PM

A Chancer: "That fella has a neck like a jockey's ******"

Tall Person: "If he was any longer he'd be late"

**cheifo** · 08/05/2006, 7:21 PM

"She so ugly she looks like someone set fire to her face and then put it out with a shovel"

She was so fat when I brought her to the cinema they showed the film on her back.

**Block G Raptor** · 08/05/2006, 8:43 PM

Originally Posted by osarusan

here is one I learnt from a German fella over here in Japan about girls with red hair.

"Rusty roof, damp basement"

Jebus Dont let GT hear you saying that

**Anto McC** · 08/05/2006, 9:18 PM

She's a face like the underside of a jockeys boll*x!!

**Magicme** · 10/05/2006, 10:14 AM

My personal favourite way of discribing someone who is drunk....

She was as full as a bingo bus.

**Pauro 76** · 10/05/2006, 2:24 PM

fave on describing a good looking lass...

I'd give her a poke if the telly's broke....

**Block G Raptor** · 10/05/2006, 2:39 PM

she's got an Ar$e like two badly parked volkswagen beetles and teeth like 6 half opened garage doors. I've heard Druids want to use her mouth as a place of worship.........but thats enough about my ex

**Fair_play_boy** · 10/05/2006, 11:11 PM

May this thread enjoy some longevity as we are a country of people who appreciate a great saying when we hear one.
Last Saturday night Micheal Martin gave a speech about 1916, during which he complained about the apparent agreement between the Irish mainstream media and the more popular historians who shared a rather jingoistic view of the legacy of the 1916 rising. He challenged this in the following words. I googled the last bit and there is no record of that phrase anywhere that Google looks at any rate . . . The saying he used is:
Just as nature abhors a vacuum, academic historians abhor a consensus.