Genuine extracts from the files of Monaghan County Council

**Magicme** · 25/04/2006, 1:59 PM

> >
> >Genuine extracts from the files of Waterford County Council Housing
> >dept...
> >
> > "My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage
has
> > fungus growing in it."
> >
> > "He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
> > can't take it any more."
> >
> > "It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow."
> >
> > "I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
burned
> > my knob off."
> >
> > "Their 18 year-old son is continually banging his balls against my
> > fence."
> >
> > "I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof.
> > I think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off."
> >
> > "My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand?"
> >
> > "I am writing on behalf of my sink."
> >
> > "Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife
tripped
> > and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."
> >
> > "I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
> >
> > "50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are
> > plain filthy."
> >
> > "The toilet is blocked and we can't bath the children until it is
> > cleared."
> >
> > "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
> >
> > "I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning
at
> > 6.00am his **** wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me."
> >
> > "The man next door has a large erection in his back garden which
is
> > unsightly and dangerous."
> >
> > "Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a
> > third so please send someone around to do something about it."
> >
> > "I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
please
> > do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every
night."
> >
> > "Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and
satisfy
> > my wife."
> >
> > "I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I
still
> > have no satisfaction."
> >
> > "This is to let you know that our toilet seat is broken and we
can't
> > get BBC2."

**dahamsta** · 25/04/2006, 2:21 PM

Not "genuine" at all, I'm afraid. Not even original.

http://www.google.com/search?lr=&ie=...alls%20against

**aido_b** · 25/04/2006, 2:28 PM

Originally Posted by dahamsta

Not "genuine" at all, I'm afraid. Not even original.

http://www.google.com/search?lr=&ie=...alls%20against

Ah you've gone and ruined it adam, I was nearly convinced that funny people do actually exist in this Monaghan place!

**Risteard** · 25/04/2006, 2:29 PM

And is it Waterford or Monaghan like?
Come off the stage Magicme. You're fooling noone.

**drinkfeckarse** · 25/04/2006, 2:30 PM

Spoilsport, I had this wonderful vision of Waterford folk not being all there really....

**sligoman** · 25/04/2006, 2:42 PM

The Monaghan bit was my fault, I edited it just to try and annoy Magicme

. Apologies

.

**Magicme** · 25/04/2006, 4:25 PM

ya wee git!!

I just got it as an email and thought you mite enjoy it! Change it to Cavan County Council Sligoman!!!

**sligoman** · 25/04/2006, 5:04 PM

Originally Posted by Magicme

Change it to Cavan County Council Sligoman!!!

Cavan? Monaghan? Same place I thought?

.

**Magicme** · 25/04/2006, 5:11 PM

Ha ha.....reminds me of that joke....

What have Monaghan and a pregnant cow got in common....

they are both close to calfin/cavan

**hamish** · 25/04/2006, 7:30 PM

Does anyone remember Declan Lynch's "Counties of Ireland " in HotPress years ago?? Great fun and he gave Monaghan - in fact every county - an awful going over.

Wish that series could be got on the 'net.

**Thunderblaster** · 26/04/2006, 12:14 AM

Originally Posted by Moderator

http://foot.ie/showpost.php?p=440513&postcount=12

.....

**Magicme** · 26/04/2006, 7:59 AM

Aye the border facist in HP is just the funniest thing on the planet coz its so close to the bone! I only moved back to Monaghan so that my kids could grow up in the same kinda safety I did. Knowing that every fecker in the town knows them and they can do nothing wrong or they will be found out is a powerful way to keep them under control! Funny how at 17 I couldnt wait to get out of the place and as soon as my son was 2 couldnt wait to get back! Now am happy here until they are 21 and 18....then watch out world coz here I come!