QuoteAww the perfect man.
How to be a man
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1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!
5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.
7. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
8. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grrrrr, what does it look like.
9. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
10. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a ******? Superb.
11. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
12. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are ....... However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
13. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
14. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
15. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
16. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
17. TAKING OUT £400 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
18. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
19. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
20. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
21. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
22. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"
23. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized ****.
24. NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT'S ON THE TELLY - soaps and celeb shows come and go but as you are far too busy arm-wrestling polar bears and conquering wildernesses you know nothing about them.
"Jacques Santini...will be greeted in every dugout of the country by "one-nil, one-nil" - Clive Tyldsley, 89th minute of France-England June 13, 2004.
"Ooooohhhh Nooooooo" Bobby Robson 91st minute.
Aww the perfect man.
sligoman to a t
how can it be when he is only a boy??Originally Posted by The Stars
I'm distinctly unnerved by the amount of ticks I can put on that list.......
The Model Club
Tell all the Bohs you know
that we've gone and won two-in-a-row
and it's not gonna be three
and it's not gonna be four
it's more likely to be 5-1.
I'm distinctly unnerved by the amount of ticks I can put on that list.......
*bats eyelashes and sits down beside dfx* HOW U DOIN??
Seriously....1, 3, 4, 5, 9, 11, 12, 13, 17, 18, 21, 22 and 23 sounds a little familiar too...
The Model Club
Tell all the Bohs you know
that we've gone and won two-in-a-row
and it's not gonna be three
and it's not gonna be four
it's more likely to be 5-1.
Hey Metrostars, when will you be getting your handle changed to Red Bull New York?
Have Boot Disk, will travel
*slides over even closer to dfx and giggles girly like*
Seriously....1, 3, 4, 5, 9, 11, 12, 13, 17, 18, 21, 22 and 23 sounds a little familiar too...
Have I ever mentioned before about the thoroughly splendid view sitting here..?
Perhaps I should get in touch with my *feminine* side....I'm sure Magicme can help there....
The Model Club
Tell all the Bohs you know
that we've gone and won two-in-a-row
and it's not gonna be three
and it's not gonna be four
it's more likely to be 5-1.
No but u can get in touch with my feminine side....
how can it be when he is only a boy??
clearly you've never seen him "perform" on match days then
Bloody did see him perform! Wee git smuggled beer in his bodhran on my watch!
Eh, that was wild rover, not me. My "performance" is something different
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
As far as I remember u all look the same....must be the inbreeding!
I'll refresh yer auld memory for ya, I'm the guy who you tried to rob at the gate() and WR is the fella with the beer in the bodhran
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
I'll refresh yer auld memory for ya, I'm the guy who you tried to rob at the gate(
Yup u all look the same.
different shoes magicme,thats how you tell them apart....
Sligoman goes for the slick black numbers while wildrover is a casual nike man..
B@stard!
None of that messin from the Galway boys....wasn't there not Magicme.
www.galwayunitedfc.net -----New GUFC fans forum and Gust Website.
Europe's Big Club.
"Cause Galway are MASSIVE"-RW Rover on 24/8/07 00:29am
Did you guys all meet at the Dublin meetup or what?
Long live the Pope! Free Burma (NLD/SNLD), Free Tibet (Burma Campaign/Free Tibet Campaign Alliance), Free the Rossport 5! (ACCOMPLISHED 30/09/05)
BOYCOTT TOTAL OIL-Please Read!
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