Bad Jokes

[max power]

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with
fear."

Lion says: "if I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."

Says the chicken: "big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planet
s***'s itself."

[Hulsey]

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with
fear."

Lion says: "if I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."

Says the chicken: "big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planet
s***'s itself."

Thats not an overly bad joke in all fairness. A lot better than some on the jokes page.
Try this for a sh!t joke.
Little Jimmy a man utd says to his ma:
"When I grow up I want to be a man utd season ticket holder"
and his ma replies:
"Now be reasonable Jimmy, you know you can't do both"

[strangeirish]

Here's one for the girls, Magicme,Greentribe etc.....


1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

[Risteard]

Oh, strangeirish, tut tut, . . . . . . that's sexist.

[strangeirish]

Oh, strangeirish, tut tut, . . . . . . that's sexist.

I give the girls enough slagging, so, I felt it was time to help them out. (Not that they need any help, just trying to get on their good side again)

[Magicme]

Here's one for the girls, Magicme,Greentribe etc.....


1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

The first joke is even better when u tell it to a guy while having sex with him..

Thanks Sirhamish!

[strangeirish]

The first joke is even better when u tell it to a guy while having sex with him..

Thanks Sirhamish!

What the hell has sirhamish got to do with it Unless it was him you told

[Block G Raptor]

What the hell has sirhamish got to do with it Unless it was him you told

In Fairness, I can't tell you two a part either

[Magicme]

When ur in a hurry and cant be bothered checking down to see which of u said it I often make a guess. sorry



Oh and have been on alot of pills lately coz was sick....

Thats my excuse anyway!

[padjoe]

how do you stop your neighbour's kids jumping into your back garden?

mollest them

[CollegeTillIDie]

Ok A woman goes to her gynaecologist with a worried expression on her face.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Woman: I have a question ... can you get pregnant because of Anal sex?
Doctor: Of Course... Where do you think all the Man United fans come from!

[strangeirish]

An 90-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 90-year-old said
"Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old
bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I
have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never
misses a season. One day when he was setting off to hunt, he was in a
bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of
his gun.

As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at
the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so
couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his
cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle
and went 'bang, bang'.

Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 90-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly".