Fundamental christian movie review site

[gustavo]

http://www.capalert.com/capreports/


this is a funny site
hard to believe there are people like that out there!

• realistic trauma and injury
• inappropriate dress
• punk/hood manerisms, purse snatching
• "Take care of #1"
• sadness from loss of caregiver
• gunfire at a story character
• threats to achieve good favor
• the use of God's name in vain without the four letter expletive
• imagery of animal control police as brutal
• imagery of out of body experience, resurrection
• adult underwear twice
• hanging onto an ambulance while riding a bike

of course thats babe 2 pig in the city

[Poor Student]

Just happened to randomly select Jurrasic Park:

"Of particular offense in the Sex/Homosexuality Investigation Area was inappropriate touching of a minor child by an adult. There is no need for any male actor, adult or otherwise, to touch the chest or groin area of a preteen girl, even in the name of Hollywood-style rescue -- this was not real life, it was a movie. Neither is there ever any need to reveal such a large portion of a preteen girl's breast as was seen twice in Jurassic Park"

Huh?

[Pauro 76]

that is hilarious, they'd find watching Mass offensive, what do these people watch?....

[John83]

Gotta love that revolving cross on the front page.

Here's their take on ET:

Wanton Violence/Crime (W):
# brother holding sister to shut her up
# leaving a seven year old girl alone in the house
# riding a bike off the edge of a cliff
# breaking and entering
# boy out all night alone
# adolescent trespassing
# home invasion by science team
# car theft with endangerment
# running from police
Impudence/Hate (I)(1):
# young boys ignoring guardian's commands
# potty talk
# foul insult by adolescent
# five uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary by an adolescent
# lying about illness to manipulate and deceive
# adolescent yelling at and arguing with mom
# mischief by adolescent
Sex/Homosexuality (S):
# adolescent trying to inappropriately touch adult woman
Drugs/Alcohol (D):
# smoking
# drinking beer
Offense to God (O)(2):
# five uses of God's name in vain without the four letter expletive, thrice by an adolescent and twice by an adult
Murder/Suicide (M)(3):
# none noted

[Lionel Ritchie]

From 'Alive'

Impudence/Hate (I)(1):

one use of the most foul of the foul words
15 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
defiance of rightful authority
want of suicide
desire to eat pilots for food as revenge because they caused the crash

Sex/Homosexuality (S):

inappropriate touch for the sake of extricating a dead body

Drugs/Alcohol (D):

smoking, almost uncountable
drinking, repeatedly
drinking to celebrate

Offense to God (O)(2):

"Well, He put us here!"
I don't think God cares whether we're civilized."

Murder/Suicide (M)(3):

none noted

[gustavo]

WARNING: I must tell you this up front. This report speaks to the ugliness, evil and vulgarity found in "Natural Born Killers."

NOTE: Multiple occurrences of each item described below are likely.

Wanton Violence/Crime (W):

Insect and animal death for shock value only
flash scene of bloody injuries
vicious attack
theft
gothic cartoon scene of evil
gunfire
hit in face and other body locations with tire iron
fighting
self mutilation
knife cut to girl's hand
gun battle with police
TV scenes of murder/fighting
kidnapping
street murder by gunfire
flash scene of stabbing
flash scene of knife at throat
flash scene of brutality
dead man in pool of blood
flash scene of gore and violent murder
flash scene of of dead animals
flash scene of predatory animals with their prey
flash scene of bloody brutality/gore
flash scene of evil and torture with blood/gore
flash scene of beheaded man still moving
sequence of a man dying from gunshot wounds
snake attacks
flash scene of mutilated humans seething about the two criminals
attempted murder
knife cut on girl's chest (seeing the cutting)
knife cuts to cops
police brutalizing a bad guy
bloody injuries
flash scene of rape
cops planning the murder of the bad guys
prison inmate attack on another inmate
TV scene of someone's head on fire
bloody decapitated man standing up
prison riot mayhem with murder, gore, rape
cartoon flashes of large character biting off the head of a smaller character (Looks like Felix, the Cat)
a tongue bit off by one being sexually assaulted
stabbing to the neck
hole shot into hand
several murder victims and assailants soaked in blood
mutilated ear
many flashes of Satan, gore, evil, horrors, famous killers and their victims and many more

Impudence/Hate (I)(1):

229 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary, 103 of them were the most foul word or expressions using the most foul word.
public urination
hate from a father toward his daughter
sexual desires of a father for his daughter
vile talk of a son discovering he is the son of his sister by his father
talk of "Daddy touching me"
daughter expressing joy at her father's murder
multiple sequences of people world-wide praising and glorifying the two murderers
male cop sniffing a female's underwear
general theme of arrogance against fair authority
a man hitting a woman
flash scenes of child abuse, hatred from the father, hatred from the mother
saying about murder "So I made a mistake."
threats by a cop to cut off the breasts of the female criminal
a female newscaster saying "Mickey's quite virile" and "He has a very large gun" with hunger in her eyes
promises of glory and world recognition by a "Springer" type of show host
trial crowd signs stating "Kill ME Mickey" and other glorification of criminals and criminal behavior
"It's just murder, man. All God's creatures do it"
long sequence of discourse about excusing murder with hate and demon possession
an insane discourse of lust for aberrant behavior
long discourse about the glory and greatness of killing and the "purity" of it
denial of accountability
footage of escaped criminals living a happy suburban life -- as if to say crime pays

Sex/Homosexuality (S):

inappropriate dress and inappropriate touch
sensual dance
sexual/vulgar comments, innuendo, talk
kick to the privates
sexual molestation of daughter by father
a girl masturbating her boyfriend (the two criminals) while in prison during open visitation
teen underwear and adult underwear
gaping mouth kissing and licking
flash scene of lions copulating and of insects copulating
female anatomy ghosting through clothing
female straddling the crotch of a man (both were in underwear(
partial nudity
bondage of sadomasochism
sexual intercourse (masked but obvious)
speaking of sex with two women at the same time
pelvic thrusts by a man at a woman's face while swinging a knife (both in underwear)
"teasing" of a sex partner with a knife at her throat
pelvic thrusts with expression of drooling/panting lust
offer of sex
porn talk during inappropriate touch
scenes of sexual intercourse and oral sex (clothed)
homosexual offer
vulgar dancing while straddling partner
cleavage
cartoon scene of oral sex
self touching
admission of sexual immorality
nudity in shower
man's mouth covering a woman's breast up close
a story of little Johnny watching his sister have sex while he masturbates
a cop taking sex with an inmate
sadomasochism
prison rape (fairly well hidden)
camera angle to focus viewer on female parts

Drugs/Alcohol (D):

at least seven instances of consumption of beer

Offense to God (O)(2):

"666" on a tabloid
tattoo of a Satanic symbol
claim of prophesy
evil background music, some by Nine Inch Nails (care to guess what is meant by "nine inch nails?")
Satanic makeup, jewelry, and clothing, also on an adolescent
flash scenes of an evil face and of evil things, Satanism, and goth
self-proclamation of godhood
evil cartoon sequence
flash scene of an unholy power of discernment
flash scenes of a multi-eyed creature with fur/hair
calling Charles Manson the "king"
grotesque deformation of human faces
"A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers"
flash scene of a bloody Satan spitting up blood

Murder/Suicide (M)(3):

at least one suicide and at least 30 murders -- due to the frequency of killing and the volume of people involved, 30 is quite likely much too low. The characters claimed to have killed 52 people in three weeks.

[hamish]

Yeah, have come across this crowd before - this belongs in The American Taliban thread too

Crazy people.

[pete]

Too many classic quotes in that website. If they so put out by such movies why do they even review R rated movies that kids cannot watch?

I see Spy Kids got as close as could be considered positive review. E.T> didn't make the grade though.

[hamish]

As far as I can recall "Touched by an angel" was a regular favourite with that shower.

[Gerrit]

Do they have a review of "Seven songs", "Ken Park" or "The Idiots 2"?

Which person has that much time to watch all those movies with a blocnote, writing down all the details?

I wonder which film got a good review... "The passion of the Christ" maybe?

[pineapple stu]

American Psycho gets 0/100 including, under "Offence to God"...

two abbreviations of "Christmas" without "Christ"

Baby Miracle 1: The Story of Creation earns 100/100 - part of a series with Noah and the Ark and Jonah and the Whale... The latter falls down because it shows graphic cartoon footage of Jonah being eaten by the whale!

Mary Poppins gets 100 also.

(To search for scores, type "Final Score: 100" into the find function. I didn't just look through everything!! Though I do see that it mentions examples of 0 and 100 at the start...)

No sign of The Life of Brian, which I think was banned in Ireland when it was released as being too blasphemous!

[Neish]

Was looking for The Life of Brian, settled for psycho

# couple in bed together with she dressed in only underwear and he covered only by a sheet
# suggestive eye movement
# repeated exposure to adult underwear
# sexual innuendo
# theft and illegal purchase
# belittling talk to and of 'mother' and belittling talk by 'mother' to son
# brief nudity, partial nudity, "shower curtain" nudity, picture nudity, and magazine nudity
# buildup to threats
# cleaning up blood
# attempted coverups of murder
# unauthorized trespass
# one use of God's name i vain without the four letter expletive
# camera angles to focus viewer on private parts
# threats with a knife
# talk of drinking and drunkenness, a mug of [ostensibly] beer, and whiskey in an office
# talk of murder/suicide by poisoning

[Snoop Drog]

Quite scathing of "Lassie" too!

[hamish]

[QUOTE=Neish]

# suggestive eye movement
# repeated exposure to adult underwear
# camera angles to focus viewer on private parts
# a mug of [ostensibly] beer, and whiskey in an office


LOL Priceless - what a shower of total muppets.

Suggestive eye movements, exposure to adult underwear LMAO

[John83]

The Passion of the Christ!

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
fighting
ear amputation
beating, repeatedly, frequent, including after recent beatings, most intensely graphic and realistic
physical brutality, repeatedly, often and increasingly brutal
facial injuries from beatings/brutality
brutal vicious whipping with graphic injuries, ripping flesh, repeatedly
driving thorns into scalp
intensely graphic full-body gore, repeatedly, frequently
crowd control beatings, repeatedly
crowd brutalization of near-dead Jesus
continued beatings/whippings of our already mutilated Lord
kicking our near-dead Lord
hand/foot impalement with spikes
a crow pecking the eyes of the thief to Jesus' right (the one who mocked Jesus as He hung on the Cross)
spear impalement with exudates

Impudence/Hate (I)
tormenting by children (who were cast as controlled by Satan)
mockery of our Lord, repeatedly
crowd lusting after killing Jesus
lusting after sadistic brutality
flash nudity, clearly non-sexual but nudity nonetheless

Sexual Immorality (S)
none noted

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
drinking wine, repeatedly [Eph. 5:18]

Offense to God (O)
flashes of grotesque demons
images of children as demons
calling Jesus a fool repeatedly [Matt. 5:22]
attempts of Satan to tempt and control our Lord and events that would impede Him

Murder/Suicide (M)
suicide of Judas
murder of our Lord

[aido_b]

This in great ... check out the jungle book folks ...

Wanton Violence/Crime (W):

tormenting with name-calling
strong implication of a character's death by another character
threat to kill a child

Impudence/Hate (I)(1):

lies, repeatedly
leading others into disobedience and by it into danger
defiance of mother's call <-thats my personal favourite

Sex/Homosexuality (S):

none noted

Drugs/Alcohol (D):

none noted

Offense to God (O)(2):

none noted

Murder/Suicide (M)(3):

none noted

Also Toy Story ....

Sexual Immorality (S)

one sexually suggestive character mainly of bare skin female legs

heh heh, loving this site!

[hamish]

Anything about Shakespeare? Couldn't find anything relating to any of his works??

I suppose The Bible also gets a bashing given that every vice imaginable is in it.

[hamish]

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Wanton Violence/Crime (W):

imprisonment of a child, repeatedly
physical abuse by caregivers, repeatedly
firearm threat with discharge
"Anyone who stood up against him ended up dead."
floating evil being drinking blood from an animal's neck
floating evil being threatening a child
attack of children by a huge three-headed dog, repeatedly
bloody injury
animated chess game with lives at stake, graphic
willingness to commit suicide to enable victory of friends
evil face on the back of a head
orders to kill a boy
attempted murder
threat of death for disobedience
ghost removing his head
great falls, repeatedly
attack by a giant troll
giant troll swinging a club at a child, repeatedly
threat of harm to force compliance
brutality
burning flesh
crumbling flesh

Impudence/Hate (I)(1):

two uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
abusive caregivers
child screaming at his parents
parents submitting to child's screaming
adolescent arrogance
lie to prevent accountability
adolescent meanness to others, repeatedly
children wandering about alone in a forest at night
planning disobedience and disobedience of rules
lie
bully threat
lies to protect
brutal sports tactics with audience of children cheering it on
invisibility to sneak, repeatedly
encouragement by an adult to a child to break the rules to get even

Sex/Homosexuality (S):

none noted

Drugs/Alcohol (D):

smoking

Offense to God (O)(2):

witchcraft/sorcery to control others, repeatedly
transfiguration
levitation, repeatedly
witchcraft/sorcery to get even
boy conversing with a snake
witchcraft/sorcery to start fires, repeatedly
witchcraft/sorcery to grow tail on a boy
community of witches and wizards
goblins, ghosts, repeatedly
witchcraft/sorcery to destroy property
"You're a wizard, Harry"
"Not all wizards are good"
disappearance by witchcraft/sorcery

casting spells, repeatedly
manifestations in mirror
mirror to show deepest desires
elixir of life to make immortal
half man, half horse beast
protection by unholy force
broom riding, repeatedly
attempted murder with witchcraft/sorcery, repeatedly
offer to resurrect parents by unholy force
"There is no good or evil. There's only power" (Voldemort)
talking witches hat
witchcraft/sorcery to create food
paintings with moving subjects, repeatedly
teaching the use of potions to control others and even "stopper" death
evil eyes, repeatedly
witchcraft/sorcery incantation to do harm
Christmas without Jesus
invisibility by witchcraft/sorcery
face in pain protruding from book pages
demon cat; witch's familiar
evil passing through boy's body, causing unconsciousness
witchcraft/sorcery to change flag colors
unholy possession

Murder/Suicide (M)(3):

tale of many murders
murder of teacher by unholy possession

[Gerrit]

I'm surprised they even bothered to review Eyes Wide Shut

Of course it's the perfect way for a spiritual person to enjoy some adult movies without anyone knowing: "i had to review it for the sake of my religion, it was not for personal pleasure !"

I suppose The Bible also gets a bashing given that every vice imaginable is in it

Ah yes, it's a mass of violence and pornography (Sodom and Gomorrah anyone?) but I guess it's all functional violence/nudity?

Anyway, the Quran is the most sensational book imaginable:

- Mohammed has several women
- one of his women was 9 years old, he was 53 at that time
- the holy rapings of the paganists by Mohammed's army
- Mohammed's harem

A book full of filth, and only one sleezy character needed ! Mohammed was the Jigsaw/Freddie Kruger/Michael Myers of his era!

[hamish]

Gerrit, all Footypersons - I've found an even weirder site for this kind of thing.

It's called Landoverbaptist - Google it

Here's the King Kong review

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1205/kingkong.html

Here's one quote from the site:

"Matrix Revolutions:
An innocent young Baptist boy tries to plug himself into the Matrix by inserting his penis into a lamp socket..."

Even The Passion of The Christ and Jews get a boll0cking

The anti-Semitism in The Lord of The Rings "review" is unbelievable

Every Disney fim, apparently, has a barely hidden homesexual agenda

The Two Towers
Christian Moviegoers beware! "The Two Towers" is homo slang for "erect Hobbit penises!" LMAO

Check them all here
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/movies.html
Guaranteed hilarity

Here's another good line

"deacon bob checks reel of film for microscopic demons...."
RFLMAO