Bad jokes - wrong place wrong time

[paul_oshea]

anybody ever tell a joke when they then realise that they shouldnt have said it?

well im going to give ye my one, anyone who knows me well will know im the best at doing this, i met a mates parents and auntie out one night ( first time i met them, it was a family occasion) and i was steaming, buzzin avin great craic with them, i was cursing away anyhow i decided to tell a couple of jokes, so out comes:

whats teh definition of suspicion?


nuns doing squats in a cucumber field.

all the auld ones went quiet so i thought oh i better redeem myself:

jesus walks into a hotel with a bag of nails nad says to the receptionist:

will you put me up for the night?!?!?!

whats wrong with that you might add, well his auntie was a nun!!!!!! ( and no one had told me!!! )

lets just say it killed the atmosphere fairly lively, and with that their opinion of me id say!!!

was out on sunday for a mini foot.ie meetup, and there was a few birds i know (with lads though)( not well i might add) so i told them the joke about the guy who walks into the bar and says to the bar man, i could fook everyone in here, and the barman says, how do you know that??? im not gonig to give the answer here, but lets just say it had an equally good reaction as the above two jokes.

so anyone told a joke or killed an atmosphere or the likes!! divulge! D red im looking at you now....or dublinharp maybe....

[anto1208]

it was nt really a joke but we were talking in work recently about the abuse van persie was getting i was explaining to the lads that the crowd had spent all day signing to the tune of graig davids , when the crowd say bo selecta ...
"van persie , when a girl says no molest her !!"

just as i said the if a girl says no .....bit , the 50 year old female secectary walked in !

[strangeirish]

A jeez POS, you just ruined the atmosphere

[dahamsta]

The best example is the other way around for me. A mate is German, or Bavarian to be more accurate, and the Nazis and the war used to regularly come up as a topic of conversation just to wind him up. ("Don't mention the war!") One night in the Trinity it got a bit too much and he went a bit quiet, and during a lull in the conversation he said something along the lines of: "It's not funny, my grandfather died in a concentration camp..."

...and then, after a perfectly timed pause, during which we all did that embarrassed silence that usually comes after a "yo momma" joke told in the presence of someone with no momma, he said...

"...he fell out of a watchtower."

adam

[paul_oshea]

"...he fell out of a watchtower."

LOL, the germans you gotta love them.

[hamish]

Something a little different happened to me in the early 90s but it was still a moment when dead silence falls. I was buying a bunch/bag full of soft plastic footballs in the shop (across the road) for girls footie practise. A nun who used to work in my school came in to the shop and we had a chat about old times.

Suddenly, she looked at the bag I was holding and said, "Heavens, Noel, you have the most beautiful balls".

After the quick silence/shock I just kept talking to her non stop - lovely designs on balls nowadays, very cheap, won't hurt girls heads etc etc because if I stopped I'd have exploded. My mates behind the counter suddenly found things to look for near the floor. I could hear them sniggering and, Jesus, how I prayed for the nun to continue on her walkies. That's exactly how it happened. The nun (Sister Aidan, yeah Aidan, very manly name for a nun - she's still in town I think) also really extended the word "beautiful" - beeeee-youuuuuuuuuu-teeeeee-full.
Jesus, I'll never forget that evening.


Things like that are always happening to me.

Gerry (Skobie) Loughnane, his (then) wife Maura and Phyliss Casey will bear me out on the above. They're the feckers who hid behind the counter.

[pedro]

more an incident than a joke, but anyway here goes..

i was at a 21st bidet party and a load i sorta knew from school was DJing, anyway he spun the crappy tunes all nite and in between changing songs he was chattin up this heffer (couldnt think of a more accurate description!) anyway he was givin it socks all nite while i sat in the corner cringing for the poor fella (he must have been legless, jaysus u shoulda seen her!) anyway a couple of days later i bump into him in the street and we start chattin when i remember the 'heffer' he'd been chattin up and i burst out laughing and say "my god u must have been ****ed as fart that nite, u shoulda seen the state of the tart u were chattin up all nite!! please tell me u didnt mooch her!" to which he replies " what the girl in the blue dress?" i say "yes" then he says "thats my ****in girlfriend ye *****!" i did my best to ciover up by saying i knew and i was just winding him up but i sorta gave up when i could see he was gettin fairly upset......i think i might have seen a tear. i still feel bad about that
wonder if they are still together?