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Thread: Good Jokes

  1. #1
    Coach superfrank's Avatar
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    Good Jokes

    I need to hear some. I just found out my girlfriend's going to France for FIVE weeks with her school so I could do with some cheering up. Please help.
    Extratime.ie

    Yo te quiero, mi querida. Sin tus besos, yo soy nada.

    Abri o portão de ouro, da maquina do tempo.

    Mi mamá me hizo guapo, listo y antimadridista.

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    Where do french hide their money?
    Under the soap bar.

    There ya go, on topic an all
    As I say, we're just young & a bit nieve.

  3. #3
    Formerly: dublinharp carrickharp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superfrank
    I just found out my girlfriend's going to France for FIVE weeks with her school so I could do with some cheering up. Please help.
    That would be good news for some lads...
    “Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete.” - Sid Waddell
    www.donegaldarts.com

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    Coach superfrank's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dublinharp
    That would be good news for some lads...
    Maybe, but it's still bad.
    Extratime.ie

    Yo te quiero, mi querida. Sin tus besos, yo soy nada.

    Abri o portão de ouro, da maquina do tempo.

    Mi mamá me hizo guapo, listo y antimadridista.

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    Does she like a bit of Brie on her croissant then
    MOT

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    Seasoned Pro strangeirish's Avatar
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    The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.
    Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
    The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
    "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
    The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"



    Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you real dumb ass. Someone has stolen the tent."
    Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.

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    New Signing hamish's Avatar
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    Lone Ranger and Tonto in a narrow gully.
    Thousands of Indians appear on all sides pointing arrows in duos direction.
    Lone Ranger assess the situation, turns to Tonto.
    "Well, old friend, after all our adventures, looks like the end"
    Tonto: Old Friend? Fcuk off ya pale-faced bast***d!


    Check over to terrible jokes thread and meet Knacky, my neighbour, for more jokes.

  8. #8
    Coach superfrank's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dublin12
    Does she like a bit of Brie on her croissant then
    No, but she likes a bit of cream in her pie.
    Extratime.ie

    Yo te quiero, mi querida. Sin tus besos, yo soy nada.

    Abri o portão de ouro, da maquina do tempo.

    Mi mamá me hizo guapo, listo y antimadridista.

  9. #9
    New Signing hamish's Avatar
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    Here's another brutal one.
    To get full value of this...er....joke you really have to speak it out loud as you read it and in a lawdee-daw, upper class accent.

    Characters: Lady of the manor and James the family butler.

    Lady: JAMES! Come into my room.
    James: Oh no madam, most improper.
    James, I command you, come into my room
    Yes madam
    James, come over to my bed
    Oh no madam
    JAMES, come over to my bed
    Yes, madam
    James, remove my dress
    Oh no Madam
    James, remove my dress
    Yes madam
    James, remove my bra
    OH NO madam
    JAMES, remove my bra
    Yes madam
    James, remove my knickers
    Oh no madam
    JAMES, remove my knickers immediately
    Yes madam
    James, put your finger in my belly button
    OH NO madam
    James put your finger in my belly button
    Yes madam

    JAMES, that is NOT my belly button

    Madam, that is not my finger

  10. #10
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    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
    a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It's called a Wedding Cake.
    save the sheep shaggers bring back beheadings for waherford

  11. #11
    First Team Plastic Paddy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superfrank
    No, but she likes a bit of cream in her pie.
    Ah, so that's why she's off to France then...

    PP
    Semper in faecibus sole profundum variat

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