Worst/most embarrassed thing to happen to ye?

**Fair_play_boy** · 08/05/2005, 11:11 AM

At an airport, had to hurry to the gents. Did the business and went to wash my hands. The jacks was a bit on the ultra mod side, for its time. To make a long story short, I turn on the tap. Eventually I discovered the trick and over-did it, causing a gush of water to come out. It drenched my front, and looked as if I had ****ed myself.

Of course, there was no towel, all I could use was the hand drying machine but it was high up on the wall. So I stood up on my tip toes and tried my best to dry meself, but nothing much was happening. So, desperate to save face, and aware that we should be boarding by now, I jumped up and down a few times so that I could get nearer the flow of hot air.
Then I became aware of a man standing behind me, who had just walked in. He stood in amazement. I was wondering if I should try to explain, when I noticed that the entire scene was visible from the waiting lounge, where dozens of smiling faces greeted me. I could not run out of there fast enough!!!!

**GavinZac** · 08/05/2005, 11:36 AM

a few weeks ago, i was having a few pints with friends in blackpool when we decided rather late that we'd go to town. rather than pay �12 to get in somewhere for an hour, we went to the br�g, a late bar.

i strolled up first, confident as ever, passport in hand.

Bouncer: "eh, are ya alright for drink?"
Gav: "ive had 3 pints of murphys..."
Bouncer: "well, this passport isnt you."
Gav: "yes it is. its pretty new too, im wearing the same jacket!"
Bouncer: "no, its definately not you."
Gav: "whatever biy."

i snatched back the passport and walked away, wondering why the bouncers were now laughing.

i had brought my girlfriend's passport

**paul_oshea** · 08/05/2005, 1:43 PM

Then I became aware of a man standing behind me, who had just walked in. He stood in amazement. I was wondering if I should try to explain, when I noticed that the entire scene was visible from the waiting lounge, where dozens of smiling faces greeted me. I could not run out of there fast enough!!!!

that is well funny, its always the best to tell the truth, i got caught dryinig my leg after doing the same thing, but i had my hand inside my trousers so one of the lads( who i didnt know that well at the time ) was looking and wondering what the fook, always best to explain/make a joke at least that way you are admitting to something and looks like you know its strange and making a joke of it helps!

just one in a few things that happend me was that, actually worse, i prolly shouldnt say it but anyhow i was about 10 and i was in school taking a **** and then i was looking out the window and i hear someone roar at me, so obviouslly i turn me head and forget what im doing, well to cut a long story short you can imagine what sorta happend, no such thing in our school as a dryer not even tissue. came out and i was laughed at by eveyone in my own class, but everyone in the class above as well which makes its worse, you know in school you would always be fighting with the class above, and to make it worse the teacher makes a point of it and says leave him alone everyone has their problems. everyone then obviouslly thought it was a problem i had, i couldnt explain and no one would listen...

**liam88** · 08/05/2005, 5:25 PM

Originally Posted by Peadar

I got sick on the alter while serving mass once.
Wasn't feeling too good but I didn't actually feel like I was going to get sick until about 15 minutes into the proceedings.

Someone said to me after that I was lucky I hadn't eaten the bread because the priest would have had to eat what I'd thrown up.
Please tell me that's a wind-up?
That's enough to make me sick now again just thinking about it!

Still serve at the moment-but a few years back I had the same experience-think it was during a Passion Mass and was standin up for a long time then ran off and threw up all over my Alb

Tis partly true about the Priest having to eat the sick; he must either eat it or bury it in consecrated ground....nedless to say the later is normally the chose option. Same if any Consecrated Host is dropped. If it hasn't been consecrated it's obviously not a problem.

I was off before I took Communion so it wasn't an issue

**aido_b** · 08/05/2005, 6:30 PM

Extremely embarassing story,

I live up the road from a huge army barracks, I was walking past it one day on my way back from work. I had a chewing gum in my mouth and thought it would be great craic to see if I could kick the chewing gum over the wall. So I spat the gum out and kicked it, unfortunately my shoe followed the gum over the wall.

There was a load of young girls behind me and they started ****ing themselves laughing at me so for some reason I just started running. So I got home with one shoe on and put on a different pair and went back down the barracks. I told the private on duty that my "little brother" had been playing soccer up against the wall and his shoe had come over the wall. We walked along the length of the wall and eventually found the shoe.

The private picked it up and asked me what age my brother was, without thinking I said 9. I then realised that here was a size 10 shoe for a feckin 9 year old! So I owned up and got the **** ribbed out of me by a load of privates who had followed us up the track.

Aghhhh memories!

Aido

**M@ttitude** · 09/05/2005, 10:15 AM

The Euro had just been introduced so everybody was busy getting rid of the old punt, Some friends invited me up to the pub for a Sunday session, I walked into my busy local waved at my friends and made my way to the bar..then I noticed sitting on the floor right in the middle of the pub was a big wad of 50 pound notes, I only had a second to react as it was nearly under my foot so I kicked it as I looked up to the sky as if I done it by accident over to a corner and went down pretending to tie my lace, felt the wad of cash and had a look, It was just cardboard.. I stood up and about 200 people start laughing and cheering including my friends. Scarlet for me!

**Mad Moose** · 09/05/2005, 10:35 AM

Was there not a story of an elderly guy who panicked on the introduction of the Euro and so he gathered all his money he obviously hoarded and bagged it to take to town, by bicycle. In any case he lost the lot. Myth or fact. I'm not sure.

Brendan

**Fair_play_boy** · 09/05/2005, 8:39 PM

This didn't happen to me, but it is an absolute cracker, so here goes.
Car full of Cork students driving to Kerry when the headlights give up on the County Bounds. There is not much up ahead so they chance driving in the dark back to Ballyvourney. As luck would have it, they are caught at a checkpoint.
Cop wants to know what the story is. Driver decides honesty is the best policy and tells him exactly what happened.
Cop asks "And what would you do if you came across Mr. Snow"? (It was around the new year when it happened).
After thinking about it for a second, with a straight face the driver answers:
"I would put Mr. Foot on Mr. Brake."
The cop is not one bit amused, and said . . .

scroll down . . . .

And remember this actually happened . . .

The cop said:

[SIZE=5]I said MIST OR SNOW![/SIZE]

**Green Tribe** · 09/05/2005, 9:43 PM

very good,

**Green Tribe** · 09/05/2005, 9:59 PM

i have a funny one along the lines of communication problems too

When I was in Germany, talking to a local (the fit guy in the lederhosen actually eire06,babysis

) We were on the subjects of birthdays somehow and he said he was born in early september, 4th i think, i said i was born in september too but on the 28th. So the next question he asked me shocked the hell out of me....

He said in front of all his friends and my flatmate and quite a few other people in the beerhall "Ah, so are you a virgin like me"? I thought to myself, I knew Germans were direct, but is that not a bit too direct??!! I looked at his friends, they weren't laughing, but my flatmate was starting to snigger...So i acted dumb and said...." Eh what?" He kept repeating the same thing..are you a virgin, i am etc...

Cheeky f*cker i thought. I said to him, you can't ask someone something like that! Only then did the penny drop in my thick head that he was talking about the sign Virgo!!!! This sign is also known as the virgin, maybe translated so in german. So, finally I answered his question: Libra! and i had to explain to him why the confusion!!

So embarrassing, i am such a gob$hite!!!!

**paul_oshea** · 09/05/2005, 10:04 PM

I said MIST OR SNOW!

LOL that is the funniest thing ive heard in a while, i assume he thought the guard was being smart

im still laughing that is hilarious. are you sure you werent there

**paul_oshea** · 09/05/2005, 10:06 PM

i am such a gob$hite!!!!

i could have told you that, you didnt need to go through all that to find that out did you?

**Green Tribe** · 09/05/2005, 10:09 PM

Originally Posted by paul_oshea

i could have told you that, you didnt need to go through all that to find that out did you?

cheeky! ha ha! mist or snow was good though!

**aido_b** · 09/05/2005, 10:34 PM

Originally Posted by Fair_play_boy

This didn't happen to me, but it is an absolute cracker, so here goes.
Car full of Cork students driving to Kerry when the headlights give up on the County Bounds. There is not much up ahead so they chance driving in the dark back to Ballyvourney. As luck would have it, they are caught at a checkpoint.
Cop wants to know what the story is. Driver decides honesty is the best policy and tells him exactly what happened.
Cop asks "And what would you do if you came across Mr. Snow"? (It was around the new year when it happened).
After thinking about it for a second, with a straight face the driver answers:
"I would put Mr. Foot on Mr. Brake."
The cop is not one bit amused, and said . . .

scroll down . . . .

And remember this actually happened . . .

The cop said:

[SIZE=5]I said MIST OR SNOW![/SIZE]

Defo a post of the month contender, still laughing!

**Pauro 76** · 11/05/2005, 1:30 PM

cant beat that one.. but there was one time i was in a London nightclub, and this dark haired girl with amazingly long legs walked by and i thought wow... have to talk to her. I went up to her and said she looked amazing.. before even waiting for her to turn around. She was in her fifties and had teeth like a madwoman... legged it after that!

**paul_oshea** · 11/05/2005, 1:43 PM

i remember going for my first "proper" job over in boston as an intern. Myself and the other girl who started with me were brought into meet everyone on the floor. we were asked to describe ourselves and to say two things about us one that was true and the other that wasnt, and then they would have to guess which was and wasnt true. the other girl taking it all seriouslly gave a good description and a real honest and false thing. me being the kinda smart arse i thought ah ya ill do it for a laugh. well i wont say what the true thing was but the false thing i said was "oh i have been a homosexual for the last 2 years". Americans being americans and the rest all indians ( bout 20 ) take everything very seriouslly and didnt find this funny, rather offensive and were none too impressed, the other irish lad who worked for the company but didnt know me was ****ing himself. i was bright red and said nothing for the next week, having said that once they got to know me everyhing was grand, so first impressions dont always last!!!