Most talented nightclub?

[Ronan85]

Great posting Jamaican pm. I think the best club has gotta be Bondi Beach. I go every Friday nite. Its closing soon so I mite have 2 go more. OH YEAH!!!!!

[Don Vito]

Great posting Jamaican pm. I think the best club has gotta be Bondi Beach. I go every Friday nite. Its closing soon so I mite have 2 go more. OH YEAH!!!!!

Any idea when its closing Ronan? And isnt Anabels closing for renovations too?

[$Leon$]

will the same fate that happend to tramco happen to the 2 great south county dublin super clubs?

only time will tell

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

As some readers of our weekly updates will already be aware, the past few days have been action-packed, bearing serious consequences for the rest of the season. After a drab scoreless draw at home in Rathmines last Thursday night, the team directed its attention towards another league fixture in Stillorgan last Sunday night. With this league game acting as the prelude to the big cup game between the same teams next Friday night, both managers used the opportunity to rest some of the regulars. Indeed, Don Vito’s concerns were magnified by the prospect of two European fixtures before the cup game on Friday. For this reason, Don chose to rest his most consistent player, Dillo. In addition, JoeSemi and $leon$ were dropped to the bench. This left Don with a one-man strikeforce of myself, TheJamaicanP.M. I was supported by an in-form GreenHen. With a weakened team, it would be fair to say that expectations were somewhat low. The team’s difficulties were accentuated when the designated Leopardstown venue was deemed unplayable. Nonetheless, this team has become well acquainted with the venue in Stillorgan, thus allowing us to play with the greater freedom of a more uninhibited style.

The game itself contained lots of quality. The opposition’s replacements were not quite as good as the regular first-team members. However, they put up a stiff defence which we didn’t really trouble. With the game at stalemate, it looked like things might drift towards a satisfactory draw. This changed late on however, as I popped up with a late strike to win the game and take a very valuable three points. My 15th of the season owed much to the quality of support offered by TheGreenHen. There is no doubt that the Hen is really enjoying his performances for the team at the moment. It was a good night’s work, but next Friday’s fixture at the same venue will be a different proposition altogether.

Unfortunately, it was the antics of some of our team-mates in the aftermath of last night’s game that received the headlines. There have been different versions of what occurred. I do not particularly want to go into the details of what happened. All I can say is it was one of the darkest hours endured by this club. TheGreenHen and I went to Rathmines to celebrate our victory last night. Alcohol was consumed and an incident took place at approximately 4:00am on Monday morning. Through our behaviour, both the Hen and I let down ourselves, our team-mates, our manager, and our fans. I am deeply ashamed of the hurt caused and apologise for my part in the incident. There is no way we can justify our behaviour. Faced by a barrage of questions in the aftermath of the incident, TheGreenHen stated that “we were only takin’ the p!ss”. This was simply a knee-jerk reaction and like myself, the Hen deeply regrets his part in this episode. Don Vito has taken disciplinary measures which we both have accepted. As a result, both myself and the Hen have been deducted five points each on the prestigious Golden Boot Top Scorer Table. This means I drop to ten points, thereby leaving Dillo as the new leader with twelve points. It’s the first time Dillo has been on top of the table this season and he looks set to win the coveted award. In tomorrow’s edition of The Gorey Guardian, Don Vito has been very critical of this sorry episode: “I’m disgusted with both of them. At a time when I felt we were achieving a level of maturity, both lads have let everyone down. I’m disgusted with them both. It appears to me that the P.M. can be a bad influence on younger, more impressionable players such as the Hen and Dillo. For this reason, I may resort to putting the P.M. in the reserves with Dolby126. He may be in great form, but discipline is a central characteristic to any great individual. I hope this incident will be a lesson to everyone involved in the team.” Clearly, both the Hen and I have a lot of making up to do.

This week sees two massive European ties for the team. The selected players flew out to Barcelona first thing this morning. This is very much unknown territory for the players. Don Vito has made the crucial decision of selecting JoeSemi as skipper ahead of the usual captain, Dillo. Don simply felt that JoeSemi’s experience of big European ties would stand to him, as opposed to Dillo’s experience of the domestic scene. Don explained, “We’re goin’ to need all our players to provide leadership so the selection of the captaincy is almost irrelevant. I just wanted JoeSemi to provide an insight to the less experienced players”.

This week will reveal much about the quality and character of this team.

[Ronan85]

Jamaican pm - how did the big european ties in Barcelona work out? I take you are back? Did you and the lads get on the score baord out there?

[Ronan85]

Any idea when its closing Ronan? And isnt Anabels closing for renovations too?

I didnt hear about Anabels closing. It aint my type of place really. I herd Bondi is closing in the summer. Beach parties happening there for next month. Oh YEAH!!!

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

Word on the street has it that St. Patrick's Athletic striker Robbie Doyle made an appearance in Bondi Beach, Stillorgan last night. The beach party in Bondi was promoted as a UCD reunion. While Robbie would never be allowed through the doors of UCD to study, he obviously felt that it was a reunion for former players from the UCD football team.

Reports from last night are somewhat sketchy. However, the general consensus is that Robbie looked out of shape. Sporting long hair, one witness noted that Robbie looked a little like recent pictures of Diego Armando Maradona. While clearly lacking the same football skills as the Argentinian, Robbie is apparently sick of being labelled as a pretty boy, thereby explaining his new barnet. It has been speculated that Robbie had great admiration for Tim Sherwood and Darren Peacock during his time at Blackburn. Perhaps this explains the new hairsyle. The reason he didn't grow his hair before now can be explained by his parents (the Power City tycoons) not allowing him. The days of Bed Head Manipulator and Toni 'n Guy are over for this Inchicore starlet.

It must be said that Doyler's appearance in Bondi was somewhat of a surprise. There is no doubt that he was in the mood for a beach party however. He arrived at the Stillorgan venue amid a chorus of boos, wearing a pair of long shorts (similar to those worn by Bobby Charlton and his England colleagues in 1966). However, Robbie's style of play last night was a little less like Bobby Charlton's more like Nobby Styles. Robbie tried his luck with over half the girls in Bondi, but to no avail. Apparently, he even resorted to telling them about the size of his manhood. For some reason, the D4 wans in Bondi were not impressed by the fact that he plays football for a team in Inchicore and was once the blue-eyed boy of Phibsborough. Indeed, it is clietele from the Bray area that has given Bondi a bad name in recent times. The former Pres student may not like to be associated with his hometown, but as Brian Kerr once said: "Tallaght doesn't usually produce sailors and Dalkey doesn't usually produce footballers." In other words, Robbie can hardly hope to improve his social status or attain the sophistication required to pull D4 wans as long as he plies his trade as a footballer in Inchicore.

On a separate note, it is not for me to comment on whether Robbie's appearance and behaviour in Bondi showed a lack of commitment to his club, his manager, his team-mates, and of course his girlfriend (who was probably unaware of his presence in Bondi). A further concern is that Robbie arrived at Bondi on his own last night. With just weeks to go 'til the start of the new season, one poses the questions: Will Robbie Doyle ever mature? and has Bondi Beach sold its soul to the riff-raff of the Greater Dublin Area?

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

Jamaican pm - how did the big european ties in Barcelona work out? I take you are back? Did you and the lads get on the score baord out there?

Thanks for taking such a huge interest in our team Ronan. Unfortunately, I wasn't part of the team that travelled to Barcelona. Led by a revitalised JoeSemi, the team came back with two positive results. Indeed, the skipper scored what will probably be the goal of the season against a club from Bordeaux. Great to see JoeSemi back to his best. TheGreenHen also rounded off two great performances by scoring against the Polish side. The one disappointment was the loss to Africa's oldest club, 'Hearts of Oak'. Perhaps suffering from fatigue, the usually reliable Dillo spurned a great opportunity. However, the experience will stand this team in good stead.

Dillo will post a full report on the Barcelona trip very soon.

Tomorrow morning, I will fly out to Barcelona for a tournament with a representative team, selected from all across Ireland. I have been waiting with anticipation for this week-long tournament for some time. However, I am also apprehensive. A lot of work has been put in on the training-ground, but I know that it doesn't take much to pick up an injury. I have never really produced for this team but I have been in good form for my club of late. Fatigue may be a problem for such a demanding tournament, but we are bringing a large squad. I know that it will be a difficult week for me, as my colleagues are not of the same quality as those at our club. Also, I don't feel the same sense of camarderie as I do when playing for Team Vito. Nonetheless, I will give it my best shot.

I will provide a detailed report when I return.

[Don Vito]

The team's final European tie of the current season will be in Amsterdam at the end of May. It is hoped that a full squad will travel for the trip that will probably be the tie that this season will be remembered for.

The PM will give full details so that fans are given enough notice to make plans to attend the game.

It promises to be a tough encounter and I just hope my players don't have to resort to buying their way out of a scoreless draw as we all know is possible in the City of Sin.

More to follow..............

[$Leon$]

. It is hoped that a full squad will travel for the trip .....

its doubtful that the full squad will travel. have to rule myself out due to prior commitments. as far as i no the pm won't make the trip either

[Don Vito]

You jumping the the gun a bit $Leon$ assuming you'll be selected. The PM has already confirmed he will travel.

[$Leon$]

i'm the backbone of the team without me the team is nothin.
there is a hole in the team and i fill it.

[Dillo]

i'm the backbone of the team without me the team is nothin.
there is a hole in the team and i fill it.

[Dillo]

I would just like to inform regular readers of the Jamaican PM's weekly column that he went for a scan last night in Cafe en Seine. Contract negotiations will resume again next week when it is hoped that the Prime Minister will finally complete his long awaited move to a big club in the West. Here's hoping!

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

As people will be well aware I've been somewhat quiet in recent weeks. I'm not allowed to reveal much with regard to a perspective move to a new club. Tonight I will resume contract negotiations. I won't say much but I can assume fans of TheJamaicanP.M. that it is far from a done deal. I've been struggling with a couple of knocks since my return from Barcelona. Even if I agree personal terms with this club, I may have to undergo a strenuous medical. I will be negotiating the deal myself. However, my current manager Don Vito has offered the services of his own agent, the current nightclub guru, Karl the Barrell. I would like to thank both Mr. Vito and Mr. Barrell for their interests, but I'd simply be concerned that the Barrell may prove too intimidating for a rural club like this.

[Attraction]

Pathetic.

I would hammer every single one of you out of it. I am the Theirry henry of nightclubs, top scorer and best finisher. I could teach you younger players a few things. I am a young man myself but I'm miles ahead of my rivals in terms of experiances. I have at had least 1000 shots on goal and I have scored 53 times. I have scored tap ins about 500-600 times but I have only broken the net with 53 of my shots, however, I am getting better and the world player of the year trophy is within my grasp. I have mastered my technique and I constantly reproduce my best form. It really is sad to read such lowly efforts by the team who I would liken to Wigan Athletic.

Keep up the effort and you may one day play in my league.

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

Unfortunately, due to academic and work commitments I have been unable in recent times to keep Team Vito’s loyal following up-to-date on the season’s happenings. As most readers of this report will be aware, the season ended just over three weeks ago with a testimonial for player manager, Don Vito who retired as a member of the playing staff but will remain as head coach. Don picked up a serious injury on September 16th 2003 and has never recovered. Earlier this year, Don came to the decision that he could no longer continue in his supporting role for the team. The team physio played an important role in Don’s decision. There’s no doubt that Don will continue to have a huge influence on the careers of the players at his club. He has already rediscovered his love for gaelic games. A little like Niall Quinn, Don has resumed his participation in junior football, as well as attending his adopted county’s championship hurling games. I’m sure I speak for all players and supporters in wishing Don the best of luck in his coaching career.

As for Don’s testimonial, it was a star-studded event. JoeSemi and $Leon$ could not attend. However, they were replaced by two guest players, the Rat (no relation to Rats, the former star of Soviet Union football) and Doyler (no relation to Kevin Doyle). Both players added much-needed grit to a team which was growing lacklustre. Nonetheless, it was The Green Hen who stole the show. The player who in his own words, is seeking greener hen pastures, left his career threatening injury in the shade to score the winning goal. It was a well-deserved goal for the Hen and a much-needed boost to his confidence.

Don Vito has already indicated that he hopes to build his new team around the dual strike-force of The Green Hen and the prolific Dillo. However, Don’s greatest stumbling block may be holding onto Dillo, winner of last season’s golden boot award. A little like the former Evertonian, Tommy Gravesen, people are only now discovering the true class of this consistently brilliant striker. After starting the pre-season with a goal against a touring youth team from London, Dillo followed up with an outstanding goal in Rathmines just over a week ago. Suddenly, the team’s Captain Fantastic looks set for a lucrative move to a club on the Wicklow / Kildare border. It looks as tough Dillo will enter into contract negotiations this week with the legal secretary of the suitor club. It remains to be seen whether Dillo accepts the terms on offer. There is no doubt that it could be a gut-wrenching decision for a player who’s entering his fifth season at the club.

Nonetheless, it should be remembered that contract negotiations are nothing new for Team Vito to contend with in 2005. In April of this year, $Leon$ looked set to sign for a new club in Kilmacud. After protracted negotiations, $Leon$ decided to remain with the club he loves, citing his great love for the team base in Ardee Court as the main reason. Two weeks previous, I, TheJamaicanP.M. signed for a loan spell with a club in the west of Ireland. This came in the aftermath of top performances with an international selection in Barcelona. Most people on that tour will recall one player’s brace of goals, which bore huge similarity to the goals scored in February 2004 by Dolby126 in . . . well Dolby126!! However, I was satisfied with my performances and I would like to dismiss the suggestions from some quarters that Don Vito sent me on loan as a disciplinary measure for the well-documented event involving the Hen and I outside a fast food restaurant in Rathmines. Indeed, I would contend that I have been the unfortunate victim of some unsavoury incidents in recent times. In the aftermath of Don Vito’s recent testimonial, I had a water bottle thrown at me as I left the ground. I can only assume that the perpetrator of the crime was unhappy with my recent loan move. I would also like to thank Dillo for coming to my assistance on that occasion. It reminded me of Zvonimir Boban’s heroics in 1990.

Much has been made of the recent transgressions of certain members of the club. In early June, Dillo was accused of an unsavoury incident in the bar of Shelbourne Park. The involvement of his agent, Harry Molloy (no relation to the mechanic in Fair City) in the alleged incident was seen as a possible stimulant for it. Indeed, some observers have suggested that Molloy is the man pushing Dillo into signing for this new club. Clearly, Molloy has a major bearing on Dillo’s career. Regardless of the personnel involved, it is evident that Don Vito will have to stamp out the indiscipline if the club is to succeed in the coming season.

However, the question on everyone’s lips is whether Don will welcome back the team’s prodigal son, JoeSemi. Failing to fulfil his undoubted potential, JoeSemi has followed in the footsteps of Ronnie O’Brien and made the move to America. The talented striker has come in for criticism from many quarters over his failure to produce the goods on a consistent basis and his disruptive influence on fellow striker, Dillo. Nonetheless, there were signs that JoeSemi was in a rich vein of form prior to his departure, scoring a couple of goals against underage opposition in the southeast of the country. One can only hope that the US scene has a similar influence on JoeSemi as it had on Dolby126, winner of the golden boot in the 2003-04 season.

In conclusion, I would like to send my regards to the gaffer, the physio and all the playing staff. I wish them all the best as they move the team training ground from Rathmines to Milltown for the new season. Some cynics have suggested that the former Shamrock Rovers venue is a suitable home for the league’s most indisciplined team. However, I would plead with the team to disregard such senseless comparisons. I hope to return to first team action in the first week of September. Don has suggested that I resume my playing career in defence. My recent injury problems, added to the current wealth of attacking options means that a defensive role is perhaps more suited to my strengths. Finally, I will endeavour to keep all fans of the club updated on the goings-on in Team Vito over the coming season.

[paul_oshea]

thanks for that

[Peadar]

Unfortunately, due to academic and work commitments I have been unable in recent times to keep Team Vito’s loyal following up-to-date on the season’s happenings.

Good to hear from you again.
How're Leon, Dillo and the lads?
Leon would be shocked at the Totty Watch thread.

[Plastic Paddy]

thanks for that

You're only a newbie, Paul. You just don't geddit...

PP