Most talented nightclub?

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

Last night our team faced a difficult away trip to Stillorgan. Suffering from a number of big-name withdrawals, the understrength team performed heroics in the intimidating, yet impressive venue. Indeed, many observers noted that they had never seen such an impressive crowd at the Stillorgan venue. The crowd was clearly in good from from the word go. This was seen as an extremely difficult fixture, with influencial team members, Don Vito, the Green Hen and JoeSemi all unavailable. However, the team came up trumps with a performance of grit, determination, and no little class.
I, TheJamaicanP.M. made my return to action after 3 and a half months of injury problems. My lack of match fitness meant that I was a little low on confidence. Nonetheless, I formed a dynamic strike partnership with an in-form Dillo, who captained the team in the absence of Don Vito. Also making a welcome return was Dolby126, who returned after more than 4 months on the treatment table. This was an earlier than expected return to action for Dolby126 who played in a less than familiar role in defence. Playing in the hole was $Leon$, who is currently producing some of the best displays of his career and also signed a new sponsorship deal with FF this week.
The away defence proved extremely solid for most of the night. On paper, they looked formidable with talent in every position. Few scoring opportunities presented themselves. Nonetheless, Dolby126 played a very forward role all night. Neglecting his defensive duties, he seemed the most likely to break the deadlock. $Leon$ also performed admirably all night. Not generally recognised for his workrate, he even found time to tackle an opposition player, who was celebating her 20th birthday.
However, the deadlock was finally broken with over half an hour remaining. A wonderful solo effort from Dillo yielded his 11th of the season. This was due reward for a player who has struggled with some niggling injuries in recent times. After Dillo's stike, the seemingly rock-solid opposition defence seemed to open up. I followed up with a second for the team. This was my 12th of the season and an appropriate way to answer my critics who have been complaining that Im injury-prone. The final whistle was greeted with wild celebrations. This was a result that compared to that wonderful night when Dillo and Dolby126 both scored at the same venue in August of 2004.
This result would suggest that there is now a healthy competition for places in the team. With Don Vito, the Green Hen and JoeSemi all absent due to work commitments, the other players have certainly staked a claim. With Don Vito expected to use $Leon$'s testimonial outing next week as a warm-up for future games, things would seem to be on the up. It would also appear that the impending arrival of Tony Maximilian Schuller has provided a massive boost to the team's morale.

[Dillo]

Firstly, I would like to compliment the PM on his excellent match reports. I'm sure I speak on behalf of all who adorn this forum when I say this.

Recent impressive displays suggest that promotion is very much within our grasp. However last wednesday night could well prove to be the turning point in our season. That same night saw the welcome return of the Prime Minister to first team action after a lenghty spell of over three months on the treatment table. His return galvanised our side from the start and despite being understrength we managed to take all three points from the fortress that is Stillorgan. A remarkable performance to say the least. The PM, such an instrumental figure down through the years performed heroics in the middle of the park and even managed to find the onion sack in the final quarter to seal a famous win that will be remembered for time to come. His twelfth league goal of the campaign was a superbly taken individual effort (a sure contender for goal of the season) after myself Dillo had put us in front on 66 mins.
Due to the absence of Don Vito I was chosen captain on the night and was greatly priviledged in doing so. The first half saw little in the way of chances despite Dolby126 trying his luck with a few long range efforts. As instructed, we retained the ball for long periods playing horizontal passes and in doing so we frustrated our opponents. After the interval we appeared a much more resurged outfit with $Leon$ hitting the upright on 50 mins. Dolby126 also came extremely close on a number of occassions and on another day would have had a hattrick. However the deadlock was finally broken on 66mins. After some fine interchanges between Dolby126 and the inspirational PM, it was $Leon$ who found myself Dillo with a defense splitting pass and I rounded the keeper to make it one nil to the away side. The atmosphere was reaching fever pitch at this stage and while we would have been more than satisfied with a one nil victory one could sense a second on the cards. This came by way of the PM who found space on the left, left two men for dead before unleashing an unstoppable piledriver from all of thirty yards. It was a truly sublime goal from one of the game's greats and capped of a fantastic performance. His return to first team action is a tonic in itself. His dedication and commitment to the cause knows no bounds, always giving 110% for the entire 90mins. His training practices are second to none and he is always first in for training and last to leave. For this, he is surely a role model for younger and less experienced individuals and when he does eventually hang up his boots (he probably never will!) he is sure to play a pivotal role within the backroom staff. He is somewhat akin to the legendary Brian Tinnian of Bristol City who earned 500 caps+ for his club and is currently in the Robins hotseat. While this comparison is justfiable, one must acknoweldge of course that the PM is playing in a different league than that of Tinnian's Division Two.
Finally, while I am pleased with my team's recent displays it is vital that complacency doesn't set into the mindsets of certain players. I know I can rely on the PM in this area but concerns lie elsewhere within the camp. It is still early February and there is still a long way to go before we achieve our objectives. As Jose Mourinho pointed out during his days with Porto- "I want to find out if success has damaged my team". In a similar way, I want my team to strive for perfection both on an individual level and as a team. We have won nothing yet and it is essential that a few back to back wins don't go to our heads. Instead, such success should instill a certain degree of confidence.
On a personal note, I still maintain I have so much more to offer to my team and it is vital that I participate in the proper training methods in the coming weeks in order to obtain my ultimate goals.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

Thanks Dillo. Im extremely flattered by your post. However, Im only as good as the players around me, and for that reason, I am extremely indebted to yourself and the rest of my team-mates. Niall Quinn always maintained that his partnership with Kevin Phillips provided him with a new lease of life in the later years of his career. While I hope I am not in the twilight of my career just yet, I believe you have provided me with similar inspiration. After all the injury problems, its shaping up to be a promising year for us all. I was delighted to get through the full ninety minutes last Wednesday night. However, I am subsequently recovering from a couple of knocks. Hopefully I'll be ok for Friday night. Needless to say, I'll play through the pain barrier regardless. As for yourself, I heard that you over-stretched in training today and may have picked up a minor injury. This is probably down to your hunger at the moment. That hunger needs to be channelled in the right direction.
On another note, Im sure Don Vito will be chomping at the bit for $Leon$'s testimonial this Friday night. I believe he was upset at missing last Wednesday's game in Stillorgan. In his weekend editorial for The Wexford People, Don stated: "I cried because I could not go into battle with my warriors. I never want to experience that feeling again." Perhaps more of a worry to Don is the inconsistent display of $Leon$ last Wednesday night. After a towering performance by $Leon$, in which he came close to scoring, he almost conspired to our team capitulating in injury time. $Leon$ played a number of inadequate passes to Dillo and was almost caught out. This was at a time when Dillo and myself were trying to slow the pace of the game and hold on to what we had. Against better opposition, we may have lost that 2 goal lead. Perhaps such mishaps can be put down to $Leon$'s frailties in defensive situations. Similar to the Brazilian Juninho, $Leon$'s game is based on playing in the hole, and should not involve defensive responsibilities. However, Don Vito's experience at the back should rectify the situation in this week's eagerly anticipated fixture. Rathmines has been confirmed as the venue, with tickets available at the gate. Nonetheless, fans are encouraged to come along early, as a capacity attendance is expected.

[Dillo]

Well written PM.

[Dillo]

A bumper attendance is expected for $Leon$'s testimonial on Friday night. Tickets are priced at 7 euro and all proceeds go in aid of $Leon$'s 'Find a home' cause. Let's hope we can raise enough money and rescue $Leon$ from the slums of Kilmacud.
It is important that our team remains focused ahead of Friday night's showdown. It is vital that big names such as the Jamaican PM, Don Vito and the Green Hen hold their nerve and deliver on the night. A hostile atmosphere is expected but if we play our game, hold on to the ball for long periods and remain calm and resolute we will carve out the openings. It's a question of taking these opportunities when they do present themselves.
The corresponding fixture this time last February proved a major success with Karl 'The Barrel' Byrne having to refuse entry to several punters at the door. It is therefore advisable to all to come early to guarantee a seat. Similar to Charles Livingstone's recent testimonial at St. Pat's, some big names are expected to make their way across to the Dublin 6 venue. It promises to be a night to remember!

[$Leon$]

big names are expected to make their way across to the Dublin 6 venue. It promises to be a night to remember!

dublin 6??

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

dublin 6??

Lets be fair $Leon$, any address would be an improvement on Kilmacud.

[Dillo]

Having been to Tramco on both friday and saturday night, I firmly believe manager Tom O' Neill has had his day in the sun. The standard of women on both nights was nothing short of appalling. Apart from a bird in a stripy top and two nice blonds (one of which approached the Jamaican PM) there was little in the line of 'fit wans'. Ever since Tom's decision to renovate the Rathmines venue back some time ago, things have rapidly declined. The small dance floor situated in the right hand corner of the premises does little to enhance it's reputation. A half dozen heavy weights on a normal night and it's full to capacity.
Fair enough the Jamaican PM hit his 13th of the season saturday night under floodlights- a cheeky Carlow tap in may I say ! But there's no way the PM would have settled for this in a similar situation last year. It really is a sign of the times and I believe now is the right time for Uncle Tom to call it a day in the Rathmines hotseat. What we need is a bright, young, enthusiastic man with some new ideas of his own. Similar to Gerard Houllier of Liverpool, Tom has brought this club as far as he can.

[$Leon$]

i gotta stand up for tom on this one. its all down to finance. tom just doesn't have the support he needs or deserves from the board of the days hotel. last friday night saw tom only ask for €5 ticket price. €5 in this day an age doesn't go along way. considerin that the minimum wage has dramatically increased recently meaning that most of tom's backroom staff were legally due a large pay increase without an increase in cover charge or the price of drink.

tom is also workin on builing up the entire venue. durin the day tramco rivals some of the best eateries in the south inner city area with the food provided. this extra dimension to the team is not always noticed by patrons at 3am but it is goin along way to the development of the club. for example this extra revenue is pumped back into the club. unlike most dublin clubs the staff are actually able to speak the local lingo (IE some form of english).

last friday and saturday night we particularly poor alright dillo but this was due to the fact that one of the super clubs in the south county dublin area had lured alot of the talent to their club with the chance of becomin miss ireland and the possibility of being interviewed by MARTY WHELAN.

with enough work i believe tom could get the club to the standard of some of the large south county dublin superclubs. hopefully next season tom will be able to secure a qualification spot for the champions league of irish nightclubs the miss ireland competition and possibly get a big name celeb to host the evenin maybe the one and only MAXIMILLION J POWER

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

Last Friday night saw the resumption of our season with a well-deserved and fully merited testimonial for $Leon$. The game was eagerly anticipated all week. Preparation on Friday evening was meticulous with no stone left unturned in our search for success. Despite Dillo and myself carrying minor injuries, we were passed fit to play, even though Dillo's fitness owed much to the workings of our physio, 2Good. However, player-manager, Don "Givens" Vito was faced with a selection dilemma before the game even got under way. Firstly, JoeSemi cried off on Thursday due to work commitments. Despite Joesemi's withdrawal from the set-up, Don Vito chose not to include the fit again Dolby126, insisting that Dolby126's indiscipline in the previous game had illustrated his inherent rogue nature. It is true that Dolby126 neglected his defensive duties in the previous game. Nonetheless, several observers found Don Vito's decision hard to fathom.
Further problems arose when the travelling party arrived at the designated Stillorgan venue. To the surprise of everyone, the pitch was deemed unplayable. The groundstaff were adamant that the venue was saturated and that our presence could potentially cause injuries. This proved to be hugely disappointing to our team at a time when we were highly-charged and looking forward to the fixture. It was quickly decided that the testimonial should be moved to the Rathmines venue. However, our problems were compounded at this stage with a sudden and unexpected injury to Don Vito in the warm-up. A little bit like Niall Quinn immediately prior to Ireland's Euro 2000 play-off with Turkey, our very own Don Vito was ruled out after pulling a muscle. Later tests proved inconclusive as to what muscle Don actually pulled. However, the injury prevented him from even taking a place on the bench. He departed the scene with the team physio, 2Good. There is no doubt that Don's presence was missed, and the team struggled to regain their concentration.
In any case, $Leon$ was selected as captain in honour of his testimonial night. The match itself proved to be somewhat of a damp squib. $Leon$ clearly found the occasion over-whelming and and failed to last the full 90 minutes. The newly selected players, Griffin and Eoin failed to have the desired impact. They clearly failed to understand the game-plan and were left isolated on more than one occasion. After going 1-nil up through TheGreenHen, the opposition scored twice. Dillo came up trumps with an equaliser, his 12th of the season. However, it was all in vain, as our opponenents finished us off with a third goal late on. In truth, we didnt deserve a result. The opposition were more experienced and put up a stong defence. While lacking the flambouyant and uninhibited style of our previous opponents from Stillorgan, they clearly compensated with a tight, uncompromising approach. Perhaps the greatest disappointment of last Friday night was my own performance. I, TheJamaicanP.M. put in a lacklustre display, devoid of the guile that was present the previous week. With time running out, both Dillo and myself resorted to very direct, long-ball tactics that simply added to our frustration. Despite the various attempts on goal, there was nothing we could to do to rescue a point.
Our league season resumed on the Saturday night with a mediocre fixture, again in Rathmines. Clearly, this fixture was always going to be an anti-climax, and with Don Vito still out with injury and $Leon$ suffering from the previous game's exertions, it was never going to be an attractive fixture. The opposition once again yielded little in the way of genuine scoring opportunities. Nevertheless, a handfull of opportunities arose for TheGreenHen, who was sporting a new hair-style for the night. However, the Hen's unselfish nature meant that he chose to pass as opposed to shooting. After being 1-nil down for most of the game, I popped up to score with less than half an hour to go. My 13th strike of the season was an easy 3 yard tap-in, after good build-up play from the Hen and captain fantastic Dillo. The game ended 1-1. It rounded off a disappointing weekend for both myself and my strike partner, Dillo. It is perhaps a sign of the high standards we have set ourselves when we consider one goal each over 2 games to be a poor return. However, the worrying aspect of our performances was our inability to carve out good scoring opportunities. There is no doubt that Dillo's confidence has taken a dip in recent weeks. However, Don Vito will surely persist with his most experienced player. Dillo is still young and recognises that his best form is still to come. On the other hand, I, TheJamaicanP.M. have probably left my best form behind me. I have clearly not regained full fitness in the aftermath of my most recent injury. Similar to the plight of Steve Carr in recent times, I fear that my best days are now behind me. As Johnny Giles always says, "You're only as good as your last game." In a sense, this sums up the concerns of our team members after the weekend performances. It is now up to Don Vito to raise the spirits of his team.
However, the weekend performances are the last thing on Don Vito's mind at present. The dropping of Dolby126 has caused a storm in some quarters. Top scorer for the past 2 seasons, Dolby126 was disposed of by the manager after an injury-striken season. By doing this, Vito is clearly signalling that indiscipline will not be tolerated and no one player is indispensable. Dolby126 has remained tight-lipped over the Saipan-like stand-off between himself and Don. However, he has turned to Michael Kennedy's niece, the articulate former Belgrove representative, A.M. Kennedy, to represent him. It is believed that she has made tentative approaches on Dolby's behalf to Don's agent, the former Coyle Hamilton board member and current nightclub guru, Karl the Barrel. Some have speculated that Young Brady might even be called upon to bring this current crisis to a close.
In his column in this week's The Gorey Guardian, Don Vito has re-articulated his belief that no one player is bigger than the team. Don writes: "Graeme Souness had a situation recently which involved a player refusing to play in a certain position. In a similar way, I have had to deal with a player who has refused to play in a certain position. Therefore, I am left with no other alterantive but to drop Dolby126." In addition, to this statement of intent, we can also exclusively reveal that Don Vito has enlisted the help of the renowned U.S. faith-healer, Tony Max Schuller. Don is delighted with his new recruit and believes that he can lift the spirits of a team that has struggled of late. Schuller is also clearly delighted to join forces once again with the team. Discovered by myself in November 2003, it only beacme apparent in May 2004 that Tony Max might be a great addition to our backroom staff. For this, much of the credit must go to Don and $Leon$ who put a roof over his head and provided a platform to make a name for himself. When questioned on his impending move to Ireland on March 18th, Tony Max was philosophical as ever: "Its true, I spoke to Don a couple of weeks ago. We had a level 1 idea. We made it into a level 2 plan, and now its a level 3 fact." It is believed that Tony inserted a clause in the contract that he could bring his own kit-man, a Russian called Vlad.
So clearly things are not as bad as they seem for the team. Lets hope that the current situation between manager and player will be resolved soon and that the additions to the backroom staff will revitalise this talented team.
I will endeavour to keep you all updated in the coming weeks.

[Longfordian]

Christ PM, that's a long-winded read..important though it is, what in God's name do you study that allows you such time to report in-depth on your extra curricular activities? Just curious..

[Gareth]

Hmmm I read ...the first post on this thread and so I'll give my opinion . Of all the nightclubs you mentioned they all have a similiar theme. They are overpriced, they all reside on the southside (those of which are in dublin that is), they all play dreadfully bad music (bar the village, come back to that one) and the girls tend to be very annoying and up their own a$$es.

Generally I go to Whelans, its no home of stunning women as much as these places would be, but if your talking about including the Village, of late some of them are arriving into Whelans, and especially after a gig that would draw a crowd the place can have a mention at the bottom of the list. The class thing about meeting a nice lookin gal in Whelans in my mind is you can guarentee they like decent music, which generally means they like gigs, which generally makes them pretty sound which generally suits me down to the ground. And if you happen not to meet someone, then you have class music to rock the night away!!

None of this Coppers or worse, the early mans coppers, Flannerys!! As for club 92, dont get me started. Some lad at 1 in the night walking round in shades and a visor. A VISOR, what was he like. Cant stand them people.

[Don Vito]

None of this Coppers or worse, the early mans coppers, Flannerys!! As for club 92, dont get me started. Some lad at 1 in the night walking round in shades and a visor. A VISOR, what was he like. Cant stand them people.

Hey don't judge us.

[Gareth]

Its wasnt exactly judging, the opinion was forced upon me due to extreme levels of preteniousness that was trust my way . The judgement was completely unavoidable. I blame Visor boy

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

Hmmm I read ...the first post on this thread and so I'll give my opinion . Of all the nightclubs you mentioned they all have a similiar theme. They are overpriced, they all reside on the southside (those of which are in dublin that is), they all play dreadfully bad music (bar the village, come back to that one) and the girls tend to be very annoying and up their own a$$es.

Gareth, I think you missed the simple fact that this thread is entitled "Most Talented Nightclub". For that reason, it should hardly surprise you that this thread would be about those nightclubs with the nicest looking girls. If I wanted to talk about nightclubs with "sound" girls, I'd have started a thread on that. Me thinks you are a little jealous that you cannot mix it with the creme de la creme of South County Dublin society. It should not surprise you that there are no Northside clubs mentioned on this thread. As far as we're concerned, knacker girls with hoops hanging from their ears are not our idea of beautiful women. As for the music in these fashionable southside clubs, its good feel-good manufactured music. On the other hand, the type of music played in Whelan's and the Village is for creeps and creepesses. You can take whatever meaning you like from that.

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

Christ PM, that's a long-winded read..important though it is, what in God's name do you study that allows you such time to report in-depth on your extra curricular activities? Just curious..

Its about making time for the things that are important to us Longfordian.

[Longfordian]

Spaces between paragraphs next time like a good man

[Gareth]

Me thinks you are a little jealous that you cannot mix it with the creme de la creme of South County Dublin society. It should not surprise you that there are no Northside clubs mentioned on this thread. As far as we're concerned, knacker girls with hoops hanging from their ears are not our idea of beautiful women. As for the music in these fashionable southside clubs, its good feel-good manufactured music. On the other hand, the type of music played in Whelan's and the Village is for creeps and creepesses. You can take whatever meaning you like from that.

Oh dear. I'll take from that, you like bad music (how can you actually say good before the words manufactured music), have a very funny idea of the village and whelans, that your made up words are woeful (creepesses) and that your knacker girls are as common on the southside as the north. As for mixing it with the creme de la creme of South Country Dublun, I cant get my head up my a$$ that far. I'd never fit in.

[Dillo]

Last Friday night saw the resumption of our season with a well-deserved and fully merited testimonial for $Leon$. The game was eagerly anticipated all week. Preparation on Friday evening was meticulous with no stone left unturned in our search for success. Despite Dillo and myself carrying minor injuries, we were passed fit to play, even though Dillo's fitness owed much to the workings of our physio, 2Good. However, player-manager, Don "Givens" Vito was faced with a selection dilemma before the game even got under way. Firstly, JoeSemi cried off on Thursday due to work commitments. Despite Joesemi's withdrawal from the set-up, Don Vito chose not to include the fit again Dolby126, insisting that Dolby126's indiscipline in the previous game had illustrated his inherent rogue nature. It is true that Dolby126 neglected his defensive duties in the previous game. Nonetheless, several observers found Don Vito's decision hard to fathom.
Further problems arose when the travelling party arrived at the designated Stillorgan venue. To the surprise of everyone, the pitch was deemed unplayable. The groundstaff were adamant that the venue was saturated and that our presence could potentially cause injuries. This proved to be hugely disappointing to our team at a time when we were highly-charged and looking forward to the fixture. It was quickly decided that the testimonial should be moved to the Rathmines venue. However, our problems were compounded at this stage with a sudden and unexpected injury to Don Vito in the warm-up. A little bit like Niall Quinn immediately prior to Ireland's Euro 2000 play-off with Turkey, our very own Don Vito was ruled out after pulling a muscle. Later tests proved inconclusive as to what muscle Don actually pulled. However, the injury prevented him from even taking a place on the bench. He departed the scene with the team physio, 2Good. There is no doubt that Don's presence was missed, and the team struggled to regain their concentration.
In any case, $Leon$ was selected as captain in honour of his testimonial night. The match itself proved to be somewhat of a damp squib. $Leon$ clearly found the occasion over-whelming and and failed to last the full 90 minutes. The newly selected players, Griffin and Eoin failed to have the desired impact. They clearly failed to understand the game-plan and were left isolated on more than one occasion. After going 1-nil up through TheGreenHen, the opposition scored twice. Dillo came up trumps with an equaliser, his 12th of the season. However, it was all in vain, as our opponenents finished us off with a third goal late on. In truth, we didnt deserve a result. The opposition were more experienced and put up a stong defence. While lacking the flambouyant and uninhibited style of our previous opponents from Stillorgan, they clearly compensated with a tight, uncompromising approach. Perhaps the greatest disappointment of last Friday night was my own performance. I, TheJamaicanP.M. put in a lacklustre display, devoid of the guile that was present the previous week. With time running out, both Dillo and myself resorted to very direct, long-ball tactics that simply added to our frustration. Despite the various attempts on goal, there was nothing we could to do to rescue a point.
Our league season resumed on the Saturday night with a mediocre fixture, again in Rathmines. Clearly, this fixture was always going to be an anti-climax, and with Don Vito still out with injury and $Leon$ suffering from the previous game's exertions, it was never going to be an attractive fixture. The opposition once again yielded little in the way of genuine scoring opportunities. Nevertheless, a handfull of opportunities arose for TheGreenHen, who was sporting a new hair-style for the night. However, the Hen's unselfish nature meant that he chose to pass as opposed to shooting. After being 1-nil down for most of the game, I popped up to score with less than half an hour to go. My 13th strike of the season was an easy 3 yard tap-in, after good build-up play from the Hen and captain fantastic Dillo. The game ended 1-1. It rounded off a disappointing weekend for both myself and my strike partner, Dillo. It is perhaps a sign of the high standards we have set ourselves when we consider one goal each over 2 games to be a poor return. However, the worrying aspect of our performances was our inability to carve out good scoring opportunities. There is no doubt that Dillo's confidence has taken a dip in recent weeks. However, Don Vito will surely persist with his most experienced player. Dillo is still young and recognises that his best form is still to come. On the other hand, I, TheJamaicanP.M. have probably left my best form behind me. I have clearly not regained full fitness in the aftermath of my most recent injury. Similar to the plight of Steve Carr in recent times, I fear that my best days are now behind me. As Johnny Giles always says, "You're only as good as your last game." In a sense, this sums up the concerns of our team members after the weekend performances. It is now up to Don Vito to raise the spirits of his team.
However, the weekend performances are the last thing on Don Vito's mind at present. The dropping of Dolby126 has caused a storm in some quarters. Top scorer for the past 2 seasons, Dolby126 was disposed of by the manager after an injury-striken season. By doing this, Vito is clearly signalling that indiscipline will not be tolerated and no one player is indispensable. Dolby126 has remained tight-lipped over the Saipan-like stand-off between himself and Don. However, he has turned to Michael Kennedy's niece, the articulate former Belgrove representative, A.M. Kennedy, to represent him. It is believed that she has made tentative approaches on Dolby's behalf to Don's agent, the former Coyle Hamilton board member and current nightclub guru, Karl the Barrel. Some have speculated that Young Brady might even be called upon to bring this current crisis to a close.
In his column in this week's The Gorey Guardian, Don Vito has re-articulated his belief that no one player is bigger than the team. Don writes: "Graeme Souness had a situation recently which involved a player refusing to play in a certain position. In a similar way, I have had to deal with a player who has refused to play in a certain position. Therefore, I am left with no other alterantive but to drop Dolby126." In addition, to this statement of intent, we can also exclusively reveal that Don Vito has enlisted the help of the renowned U.S. faith-healer, Tony Max Schuller. Don is delighted with his new recruit and believes that he can lift the spirits of a team that has struggled of late. Schuller is also clearly delighted to join forces once again with the team. Discovered by myself in November 2003, it only beacme apparent in May 2004 that Tony Max might be a great addition to our backroom staff. For this, much of the credit must go to Don and $Leon$ who put a roof over his head and provided a platform to make a name for himself. When questioned on his impending move to Ireland on March 18th, Tony Max was philosophical as ever: "Its true, I spoke to Don a couple of weeks ago. We had a level 1 idea. We made it into a level 2 plan, and now its a level 3 fact." It is believed that Tony inserted a clause in the contract that he could bring his own kit-man, a Russian called Vlad.
So clearly things are not as bad as they seem for the team. Lets hope that the current situation between manager and player will be resolved soon and that the additions to the backroom staff will revitalise this talented team.
I will endeavour to keep you all updated in the coming weeks.

A remarkable piece of writing from a gentleman that is certainly talented in more ways than one.
There's no doubting that our Tramco in Goldmines, Dublin 6 is in dire straits at the moment. Just like Fergescum at ManUre, Tom O'Neill has made many mistakes. However his enormous achievements and his profile status suggests that his future at the helm is secure for the forseeable future. It would be oh so cruel to off load the gentle giant after such a memorable managerial career. As the saying goes though, "Money is the root of all evil". As Don Vito pointed out, Ferguson made many a bad signing over the years. One wonders would he have been better off if he hadn't such wealth at his disposal? In a similar vein, Tom had the luxury of renovating when things couldn't have been going better for him. Will it prove costly in the long run? Only time will tell .

[TheJamaicanP.M.]

Firstly, I would like to appologise for the somewhat late report on last week's game. Nonethless, in light of the break afforded to our players this week, I feel this is the ideal opportunity to update you all on happenings in Team Vito.
Last week was viewed by many as almost anti-climactical as players struggle to recover physically and psychologically in the aftermath of $Leon$'s testimonial. In addition, last week's opposition would generally not be viewed as the most attractive. However, the team was forced to go into action without a number of its regulars. TheGreenHen, $Leon$ and player-manager, Don Vito all missed out due to minor knocks picked up the previous week. I, TheJamaicanP.M. was also deemed unfit to start the game by our physio, 2Good. This left Don with no alternative but to start with Dillo and JoeSemi in attack. Although both individually talented players, Dillo and JoeSemi have struggled to produce when paired together as an attacking duo. Indeed their partnership has been considered akin to that of Blackburn's S.A.D. (Chris Sutton and Kevin Davies) partnership of some seasons ago. Nonetheless, any keen observer of this team was well aware that both Dillo and JoeSemi had struck two beauties in the same venue almost a year previously. JoeSemi's long-range effort on that occasion was considered to be one of the top goals of last season.
We were all in for a surprise on the night however. It was clear that the opposition had made some impressive signings since our last visit to the team that Jack built. Intimidated by the opposition's new-found talent, and perhaps missing the creativity of $Leon$ in the hole, both Dillo and JoeSemi created little in the way of genuine scoring opportunities. The frustration was clear at half-time. It was at this point that Dillo made the rather unorthodox move of requesting my presence (TheJamaicanP.M.) in proceedings. Listening to his captain, Don Vito didnt even have to tell me to get ready. Flattered by Dillo's confidence in me, I was chomping at the bit at this stage. Together with Dillo and JoeSemi, I was asked to form a three-pronged attack. Although short of full fitness, I had an immdediate impact as I struck a long-range effort which received gasps of acknowledgement from the crowd. However, we did not have to wait long for the lead goal. Flanked by my fellow attackers, I chose to shoot for goal. A bit like Robbie Keane, I wheeled away in celebration of my 14th of the season. It was only my second touch and its a while since I've scored so early.
At this point, I was content to sit back in a more defensive role and hold onto the slender lead. Despite this, Dillo and JoeSemi pushed forward in search of a second. However, the game drew to a slow conclusion and ended with little incident. Final result: 0-1, and three points to us. The fact that the team was unsatisfied with the performance and result perhaps indicates the winning mentality that Don Vito has instilled in this group of players.
With the players using this week for some much-needed rest, we must now cast our eye towards the attractive European tie in Barcelona next week. With Dillo, JoeSemi, and TheGreenHen representing the team, one would have to be confident that our players can replicate the result in Paris from last October. This is a huge step into the unknown for Dillo and TheGreenHen as they encounter the unchartered territory of Catalonia. Questions have also been posed of Dillo's ability to lead this team in a big European tie, without the vast experience of Don Vito and $Leon$. However, one thing is clear, Dillo is approaching full fitness and will be properly rested for these fixtures. However, speculation in today's media that Dillo was drinking in Dublin City Centre last night will be a concern to his mentor, Don. The fact that TheGreenHen has cast his injury problems aside is a further boost to the team's chances. If he can rediscover the consistency he showed during the 2002-03 season, it is reasonable to expect two favourable results in Barcelona.
With regard to myself (TheJamaicanP.M.), I have been flattered by the publicity I have received in the past week. In particular, today's article and photo in The Irish Independent is a huge boost to my confidence. However, I think it is important that I show my sincere gratitude to those who have helped me reach this point. For this reason, I would like to thank my fellow team-mates and manager, Don Vito for everything. Without their support, it would be impossible for me to receive the plaudits.
Indeed, Don Vito commeneted on my form in a recent interview with The New Ross Echo. "The P.M. has worked tirelessly all season and deserves all the successes that come his way."
On a separate issue, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I wish our physio a full and speedy recovery from her current illness. She is greatly admired by both manager and team members alike. We look forward to her return to duty with the team in the near future.

I will keep you updated of happenings within the team in the coming weeks.