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Thread: Jokes (READ FIRST POST)

  1. #2301
    Seasoned Pro strangeirish's Avatar
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    Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.

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  3. #2302
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    0008fd8d-630.jpg

    DIY joke. Insert on tap/ tap that punchline.
    Hello, hello? What's going on? What's all this shouting, we'll have no trouble here!
    - E Tattsyrup.

  4. #2303
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    A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
    While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
    The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
    As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
    The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
    After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

    He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
    Now completely nude, she purred at him,
    "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

    Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!"
    Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming, that was me..."

  5. #2304
    Capped Player nigel-harps1954's Avatar
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  7. #2305
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    Oscar Pistorius was going to replace his bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.
    Forget about the performance or entertainment. It's only the result that matters.

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  9. #2306
    Capped Player nigel-harps1954's Avatar
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  11. #2307
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    I was appalled to see Vladimir Putin and Sepp Blatter sitting next to each other at the World Cup final. Football should not allow a corrupt dictator who rigs elections to attend such a prestigious event.

    Even if he is the president of FIFA.

  12. #2308
    The Cheeto God Real ale Madrid's Avatar
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    If a dog weighs under 50 lbs it's a cat, and cats are useless.

  13. #2309
    Capped Player nigel-harps1954's Avatar
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    Just been to the gym and there's this new machine there.
    I only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick but it's great, it's got kitkats, mars bars, crisps, everything!

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  15. #2310
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    Oldham have said no to Chad Evans but he's taking it as a yes

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  17. #2311
    The Cheeto God Real ale Madrid's Avatar
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    If a dog weighs under 50 lbs it's a cat, and cats are useless.

  18. #2312
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    Two guys sitting in a bar chatting. One guy says: 'Did you ever notice how easy it is to say one thing when you mean another?' 'How do you mean'?, asks the other guy.

    'Well, just the other day, in the train station, I asked for two tickets for Titsberg instead of Pittsburg.'

    'Yeah, I know exactly what you mean,' says the other guy. 'I was having breakfast with my wife yesterday and I meant to say ''Pass the sugar'' but what came out was: ''Hey b*tch, you ruined my life.''
    Forget about the performance or entertainment. It's only the result that matters.

  19. #2313
    International Prospect osarusan's Avatar
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  21. #2314
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    Mother Superior was taking a bath. There's a knock on the door.
    She says, "Who is it?"
    A male voice responds: "The blind man."
    After a few moments of hesitation, the nun says, "Ok, come in."
    The man enters, looks at sister in the bath and says, "Nice tits, Mrs Nun. Where do you want me to hang the blind?"
    Forget about the performance or entertainment. It's only the result that matters.

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  23. #2315
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    Absolutely devastated.
    A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

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  25. #2316
    Capped Player SkStu's Avatar
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    Police Officer: Sorry to interrupt you at home sir but we have some bad news. It looks like your wife has been hit by a bus.

    Guy: Yeah, I know, but she has a brilliant personality.

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  27. #2317
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    Robert Mugabe gets the sack. Bookies have installed Big Sam mentioned as the favourite.
    Last edited by OwlsFan; 22/11/2017 at 1:32 PM.
    Forget about the performance or entertainment. It's only the result that matters.

  28. #2318
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    The latest one doing the rounds:
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Forget about the performance or entertainment. It's only the result that matters.

  29. #2319
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    He's the spitting image of Jamie Carragher...
    Hello, hello? What's going on? What's all this shouting, we'll have no trouble here!
    - E Tattsyrup.

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