QuoteWhy does Wayne Rooney throw bread down the jacks?
To feed the Toilet Duck.
Top 10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren’t
10. Did you get any under the tree?
9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
8. Check out Rudolph’s Honker!
7. Santa’s sack is really bulging.
6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
4. I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy.
3. From here you can’t tell if they’re artificial or real.
2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
Santa Claus Is Wearing A Gown
You better come out, you better not cry,
You better not pout, I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
He's making the switch,
He's leaving his wife,
He's gonna come out, to start a new life
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
A secret he's been keeping,
It's made him awful tense.
He knows it will be better now,
When he comes down off that fence.
So you better come out,
You better not cry, you better not pout,
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
Signs Santa Hates You
10. Your stocking is ticking.
9. Every kid gets a candy cane, you get a season ticket for Monaghan United. .
8. He brings you a new car -- right through the living room wall.
7. His expression doesn't seem to be "jolly" so much as
"seething and vengeful".
6. FBI bursts into your house saying, "We got a tip from Santa
Claus you're hiding Osama Bin Laden."
5. You're being stalked by an elf hitman.
4. You spend ten minutes telling him what you want and he says,
"Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me?"
3. Only item he leaves a note reading "Your wife was fcukin' brilliant".
2. The "gift" he just gave you ... 2 weeks on a Disney cruise
with Pat Kenny
1. His distinctive, "Ho, ho, go screw yourself" laugh.
Why does Wayne Rooney throw bread down the jacks?
To feed the Toilet Duck.
I'd love to invent a time machine then go back in time and win the lottery, buy new players and a stadium. Time machines are brilliant aren't they- Ian Holloway
What has David Beckham got in common with a Ferrero Roccher?
They both come in a posh box
I'd love to invent a time machine then go back in time and win the lottery, buy new players and a stadium. Time machines are brilliant aren't they- Ian Holloway
good one. like that
I'm a bloke,I'm an ocker
And I really love your knockers,I'm a labourer by day,
I **** up all me pay,Watching footy on TV,
Just feed me more VB,Just pour my beer,And get my smokes, And go away
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !
Boom,boom................taxi.
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Three guys pass away on Christmas Eve and are met by St.
Peter.
St. Peter says, "In honor of the season, you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas."
The first man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out two
lighters. He holds them up proudly and flicks them on.
"What do they symbolize?" asks St. Peter.
"They're candles!"
"Ah! You may pass through the Pearly Gates."
The second man fumbles through his pockets and pulls out a
couple sets of keys. He holds them up proudly and shakes
them.
"What do they symbolize?" inquires St. Peter.
"They're bells!"
"Ah! You may pass through the pearly gates!"
The third man fumbles desperately through his pockets,
finally pulling out a skimpy pair of silky woman's panties.
He holds them up proudly.
Puzzled, St. Peter asks, "What do they symbolize?"
"They're Carol's!"
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
has the 40 gypo joke been told yet? or the little boy on the farm>?
I'm a bloke,I'm an ocker
And I really love your knockers,I'm a labourer by day,
I **** up all me pay,Watching footy on TV,
Just feed me more VB,Just pour my beer,And get my smokes, And go away
Signs that jokes get recycled too much #8457: They start referring to something that last happened 15 years ago as "recent".Originally Posted by sirhamish
You can't spell failure without FAI
yera fire away anyway
Life isn't all beer and football...some of us haven't touched a football in months
Ah, a good joke is always a good joke. Bet a teency-weency, enjoying smile still crosed your face all the same John83??
Go on, admit it.
Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Man walks into a chippie with a trout under his arm. He asks whether they sold fish cakes.The owner replied "yes". Man replies "Thank God for that, its his birthday"
---------------------------------------------------------
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bar man...
"Have you seen my brother?"
The bar man replies - "I don't know, what does he look like?".
---------------------------------------------------------
A guy bought his mum a new coat made from hamster fur, real bargain, but she went to Blackpool last week and spent 6 hours on the big wheel.
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
oh jesus, TAXI!!!!!!!!!! Get Sligoman the hell out of here.....NOW!!!!
Dont blame me, I just stole it from a Harp's forumoh jesus, TAXI!!!!!!!!!! Get Sligoman the hell out of here.....NOW!!!!
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
Classic!Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States
Extratime.ie
Yo te quiero, mi querida. Sin tus besos, yo soy nada.
Abri o portão de ouro, da maquina do tempo.
Mi mamá me hizo guapo, listo y antimadridista.
On the way to a Uefa managers conference, Arsene Wenger, Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho are killed in a plane crash. They are greeted at heavens gates by St Peter who brings them to see God. When they reach him he is sitting on his big throne. He asks Arsene "What are the traits you most admire in a person?" To which the frenchman responds "Compassion & love." Ferguson is asked the same question and responds "Fieryness and a good work ethic." When he reaches Jose, God notices that he is looking disgruntled and so asks "Whats wrong my Portugese friend" to which Mourinho replies "You're in my seat you big w@nker!"
I'd love to invent a time machine then go back in time and win the lottery, buy new players and a stadium. Time machines are brilliant aren't they- Ian Holloway
oh god Hulsey that jokes so old and had so many variations i suppose you had to wipe the cobwebs off it !
Stop me if you've heard this, its a classic!!!
What did one snowman say to the other??? Do you smell carrots????????????
Sitting pretty!!!
...........
The Model Club
Tell all the Bohs you know
that we've gone and won two-in-a-row
and it's not gonna be three
and it's not gonna be four
it's more likely to be 5-1.
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