Jokes (READ FIRST POST)

**Den Perry** · 27/06/2009, 12:42 AM

Originally Posted by John83

I don't want to drag this way off topic, so I'll just make one brief response.

No.

No. It would make more sense though. Personally, I'd have used a Kerryman.

I took no offence.

If Magicme had posted the joke, I'd have been a bit surprised that a woman had posted a misogynistic joke.

And finally, just so this post doesn't go entirely to waste:

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.

To respond - yes it was a joke. and if it offends you I'm sorry. However I think far worse has been posted and I take no offence.

**thischarmingman** · 27/06/2009, 2:35 AM

**anto1208** · 29/06/2009, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by John83

Why on earth would you post a racist joke about Irish people here?

Because if he puts it in current affairs it will just get moved here anyway

**dahamsta** · 30/06/2009, 12:38 PM

It's a jokes thread lads, not a discussion thread. Post jokes or shut up.

**Rovers fan** · 30/06/2009, 5:19 PM

Originally Posted by passinginterest

It could be worse, I could have mentioned dead babies...

That's my job!

A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into another room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the baby wrapped up in a towel in her arms.

"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which lands right on its head.

"My baby!" screams the mother.

"Don't worry, I'll get it" says the nurse.

However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.

"What are you doing?" yells the mother.

"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"

**stoatsie** · 30/06/2009, 11:58 PM

Originally Posted by Schumi

As long as we're posting anti-Irish jokes:

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

That's excellent.

**Lev Yashin** · 01/07/2009, 12:17 PM

Originally Posted by Rovers fan

That's my job!

A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into another room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the baby wrapped up in a towel in her arms.

"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which lands right on its head.

"My baby!" screams the mother.

"Don't worry, I'll get it" says the nurse.

However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.

"What are you doing?" yells the mother.

"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"

Im a bad person for laughing at that!

Pop is dead.... Our thoughts go out to Snap and Crackle at this difficult time.

**The Betting Man** · 07/07/2009, 1:34 PM

What are michael jackson, jade goody and farrah fawcett expecting for christmas??.....

Patrick Swayze..

**Roadend** · 08/07/2009, 9:34 AM

I saw some rare footage last night, it was an old video of Michael Jackson and Rolf Harris doing two little boys

**The Betting Man** · 08/07/2009, 12:44 PM

I was really upset when I saw the Jacksons carrying Michaels coffin.

I thought Cool Runnings was on and I f**king love that film.

**First** · 08/07/2009, 3:45 PM

MJ meets Elvis in heaven and he tells him he was married to his daughter Lisa Marie.

Thank God says Elvis , I was worried she'd marry an African American

**Sunny Jim** · 08/07/2009, 4:32 PM

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.

So the barman gives her one.

**KevB76** · 09/07/2009, 7:09 AM

A man goes to his doctor for his results, doctor says I've bad news and worse news.
"Whats the bad news" he asks?
Doc says "you have 24 hours to live".
The man, shocked, says "Oh my god ...what could be worse news than that?"
Doc replies "I forgot to ring you yesterday"

**thischarmingman** · 14/07/2009, 8:21 PM

Please help me, does anyone know how to cancel a bid on ebay? I've just bid on a Mickey Mouse outfit...

...and am now 30 minutes away from owning Bohemians.

**Wangball** · 06/08/2009, 1:30 PM

A termite walks into a pub and says, Is the bar tender here?"

**anto1208** · 06/08/2009, 3:07 PM

While I was watching Michael Jacksons funeral as his brothers came in with his coffin i couldnt help being reminded of cool runnings.

**First** · 06/08/2009, 3:13 PM

Originally Posted by anto1208

While I was watching Michael Jacksons funeral as his brothers came in with his coffin i couldnt help being reminded of cool runnings.

Anto the sig is better than the joke

**Row Zed** · 06/08/2009, 3:42 PM

>what key can open every lock?

> a pikey

**A N Mouse** · 20/08/2009, 2:04 PM

What's the difference between an Englishman and a slice of ham?

A slice of ham is only this -> <- thick

What's the difference between an Englishman and a short plank?

A short plank

What's the difference between two Englishmen and a short plank?

Three short planks.

What's the difference between an Englishman and a LOI referee?

The Englishman might not be blind