QuotebrilliantOriginally Posted by Bluebeard
A woman gets onto a bus carrying her baby. As she's buying her ticket, the driver says
'That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'
Shocked and appalled the woman says nothing, but takes her ticket and goes to find a seat near the back of the bus. She sits down next to a man, and, seeing her distress he asks her what's wrong.
'That bus-driver has just been incredibly rude to me - I've never been so insulted in my life! I really feel I should go and give him a piece of my mind!'
'That's terrible, love! You stand up for yourself' the man replies. 'Go and tell him off. I'll hold your monkey for you.'
That question was less stupid, though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.
Help me, Arthur Murphy, you're my only hope!
brilliant
Ok, a flash of inspiration just penetrated my brain and a 'joke' was formed.
"So, you know that food safety scare we had with the pigs and all that there a few months back, yeah?" "Yes, I remember." "Well anyway, I think most people are back eating pigs and enjoying the tastiness once again." "Yeah, haven't heard much about it since, presume everyone is." "You're right, except there is this one place where a boycott continues." "Go way, hadn't heard that, where is it?"
"Well it's in the Midlands of England, this strangest of strange cities - goes by the name of Notteatingham."
Whatcha think - stand-up comedian or stand up and get my coat?
COAT! NOW!Ok, a flash of inspiration just penetrated my brain and a 'joke' was formed.
"So, you know that food safety scare we had with the pigs and all that there a few months back, yeah?" "Yes, I remember." "Well anyway, I think most people are back eating pigs and enjoying the tastiness once again." "Yeah, haven't heard much about it since, presume everyone is." "You're right, except there is this one place where a boycott continues." "Go way, hadn't heard that, where is it?"
"Well it's in the Midlands of England, this strangest of strange cities - goes by the name of Notteatingham."
Whatcha think - stand-up comedian or stand up and get my coat?
although i have one i made up...probably worse.....
what do ya call a dinosaur who wears baggy jeans goes on about his bitches and loves his bling????
A Velocarapper
My Goal Is To Deny Yours...
Taxi for two!
Ceci n'est pas une signature
Firing squad! Did you ever wonder where jokes originate? Not here, obviously.
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Did ya hear there makin a fourth Back to the Future starring Barack OBama.
Guess what there callin it???
"1 day i will start hand.ie"
Newtown F.C. 1977-2008 R.I.P.
Hibs goin up!
Generally, you have to put the punchline in the post too, or everyone will wonder what you were smoking.
Back to the future 4?
My Goal Is To Deny Yours...
Barack to the Future?
You can't spell failure without FAI
Where'd you get the coconut?
Em, smiley, I mean - smiley?
Right click on it, then select "copy image location". Paste it somewhere.
Teach a man to fish...
You can't spell failure without FAI
http://www.iloiloriver.com/philippin...-shortage.html
We're not arrogant, we're just better.
I thought it was so obvious the punchline wasnt needed, anyway fairplay john.Barack to the Future?
Nice one for the effort stu.
"1 day i will start hand.ie"
Newtown F.C. 1977-2008 R.I.P.
Hibs goin up!
I thought you were aiming for a blaxploitation type title.
We're not arrogant, we're just better.
I thought it was so bad you were embarrassed to type the punchline. Seems I was right.
Ceci n'est pas une signature
Cant say you werent right. I'll make that the end of my postings.
"1 day i will start hand.ie"
Newtown F.C. 1977-2008 R.I.P.
Hibs goin up!
A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her Stammerer’s Action Group. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success.
Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?"
The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.
"That's no use, Trevor" said the speech therapist, "Who's next ?"
The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".
“That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish.”
“How about you, Paddy?”
The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London".
“Brilliant, Paddy!” said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.
After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said:
"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".
Heard it before, with a less controversial ending than Londonderry
Ennis..........killen.
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
statistics show that 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy...
My Goal Is To Deny Yours...
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