reece.jpg
Had a right LOL at this.
My friend invited me to a 'Halloween Fright Night' at a gay bar....
He said "It's guaranteed to put the willies up you
Long Live King Kenny
Two aerials got married the other week. The ceremony was awful, but the reception was brilliant.
It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
A man is walking along a beach, sad and depressed, when he hears a booming voice from the heavens.
"DIG" says the voice.
The man looks around, a little confused.
"DIG" Booms the voice again.
The man thinks what the hell and starts digging at the sand in front of him. Suddenly he hits a wooden box. He picks it up and the voice shouts:
"OPEN"
He opens it to see hundreds of gold coins. He's a little taken aback when the voice shouts again:
"CASINO"
What the Hell, thinks the guy, so off he walks. He enters the Casino doos when he hears the voice again shout:
"ROULETTE!"
He walks over to the roulette table and awaits more instructions:
"16 BLACK" the voice says.
So the man puts all the golden coins on 16 black, the wheel is spun and it lands on 5 red.
"CRAAAP!" shouts the voice......
Knock knock
who's there?
control freak... Now you say "control freak who?"
Police suspect foul play in the death of Joe Frazier.They're currently grilling George Foreman.
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Wanna hear a joke about Sodium? Na
Wanna hear a joke about Potassium? K
What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium
What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar? OH SNaP!
What did one ion say to the other? I've got my ion you.
..I like making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank ...agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The blond replies…..”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
Some years ago a small rural town in Italy twinned with a similar town InGreece.The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Italian town. When he saw the palatialmansion belonging to the Italian mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Italian said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, this house could be built".
The following year the Italian visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous.When he asked, how this could be afforded the Greek said; "You see that bridge over there?"
The Italian replied; "No."
Just watched a film about Jack the Ripper.
It wasn't the light-hearted fart comedy I'd expected.
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist thinks it will change; the realist adjusts the sails.
Two Arkansas hunters got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose.
The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."
Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Bubba and Bobby Joe survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Bubba asked Bobby Joe, "Any idea where we are?"
Bobby Joe replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Driving to work this morning and this dick pulls out in front of me...
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Doing the rounds at the moment - the designs for the new currency. Don't miss the detail...
conjunctivitis.com
It's a site for sore eyes.
This made me laugh this morning....
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