QuoteMaybe they should change the name of the ship to the Rachel Eastenders. Israel would s**t themselves if they thought the Mitchell Brothers where at the helm.....
What have B.A Baracus and Theo Walcott got in common?
They're both black and they both ain't getting on no plane!
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about €50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Last edited by dahamsta; 02/06/2010 at 12:49 PM.
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist thinks it will change; the realist adjusts the sails.
Maybe they should change the name of the ship to the Rachel Eastenders. Israel would s**t themselves if they thought the Mitchell Brothers where at the helm.....
Didn't know where to put this, then decided the jokes thread might be best, given the content.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/foot...10/8717653.stm
Italy captain Fabio Cannavaro, who held aloft the World Cup four years ago, has signed a two-year deal with a club in Dubai.
"My contract with Al-Ahli realises my dream of living in Dubai and finishing my career playing for one of its clubs," said Cannavaro.
Have I posted my joke about amnesia before?
Bray Wanderers: So good they were relegated twice (and still stayed up).
Sports pic of the day:
Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Swiss Alps, were an English guy, an Irish bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde Swiss girl with large breasts.
The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the English guy has a bright red, hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.
The old lady thinks:
The English guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde Swiss girl thinks:
That English guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The English guy thinks:
That Irish bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark - she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
And the Irish guy thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack that English son of a B.tch again.....
It's being reported that Rob Green had more than 4,000 shots fired at him in a three-hour training session today and didn’t concede a single goal.
Tomorrow, him and Heskey will train with the rest of the England squad…
Forget about the performance or entertainment. It's only the result that matters.
Ever noticed during international matches they have 3 letters to show which teams are playing eg 'ENG 0-1 IRL'. .I wonder if thats why nigeria have never played germany
Ahhh
frn-frd?Originally Posted by ciaran w
You can't spell failure without FAI
Iron man is a superhero.
Iron woman is a command.
Ahhh
Some blonde jokes from my blonde mother to her blonde daughters.
DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
My wife called me an annoying cnut the other day.
I almost choked on my vuvuzela
You may hate pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly when passing schools.
Last edited by dahamsta; 18/06/2010 at 10:00 AM.
Ahhh
The English team visited a township orphanage today.
'It is great to put a smile on the faces of people under huge pressure with little hope' said Joseph Mbolo, aged 6.
A man walks into a library and asks for a book about suicide, the librarian replies: fcuk off, you wont bring it back !
Ahhh
Breaking news:
England have a new coach.
It wil be picking them up on Thursday morning to take them to the airport.
What's the difference between Jordan and a Vuvuzela horn? One's a cheap plastic bit of trash that makes an annoying whining noise every time you turn on the T.V.
The other is a musical instrument.
BREAKING NEWS: The England football match has been moved from ITV to a
gay porn channel. As 11 arseholes getting hammered is considered to
explicit for ITV
Job Vacancy.
Location: London
Position: Specialist welder
Duties:Must be able to weld a roof back onto a bus.
Oxo have just brought out a new stock cube, its white with a red cross on it and it will be called 'a laughing stock'
"Your guilty conscience may move you to vote Democratic, but deep down you long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king"
Sideshow Bob
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