Quote-273 celsius is 0Kelvin(or 0k)Originally Posted by prince20
Please explain
Please explainVery good!
Why are people who "need no introduction" always introduced?
-273 celsius is 0Kelvin(or 0k)Please explain
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of
thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning,accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the priest and calmly said, 'Well, she's
there.'
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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
Judge said, 'and I've decided to give your wife 775 euro a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. '...and every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bob meself.'
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
A man is sat on a towel on the beach he has no arms and no legs. Three women walk past and felt sorry for him so go back to talk to him.
The first woman says " Have you ever had a hug?", he says no, so she gives him a hug and walks on.
The second woman says "Have you ever been kissed?", he says no, so she gives him a kiss then walks on.
The third woman says " Have you ever been f***ed?", he says no.
She picks him up and throws him in the ocean and says " Well, you are now!"
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Young Padraic from Kerry bought a donkey from a farmer for €100 The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Young Padraic replied, 'well, then just give me my money back...'
The farmer said, 'can't do that. I went and spent it already..'
Young Padraic said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'what ya gonna do with him?
Young Padraic said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'you can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Young Padraic said, 'sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Young Padraic and asked, 'what happened with that dead donkey?'
Young Padraic said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at €2 apiece and made a profit of €898'
The farmer said, 'didn't anyone complain?'
Young Padraic said, 'just the guy who won. So I gave him back his €2'
Young Padraic became an investment broker for Anglo Irish Bank.
The SFAI are the governing body for grassroots football in Ireland, not the FAI. Its success or the lack of is all down to them.
Should this be under jokes?
'Fascists dress in black and go round telling people what to do, where as priests.....'
No its not really funny enough to be called a joke.
I bought my girlfriend a Prince CD for her birthday. It was a bit expensive at €20, but I partied like it was €19.99... I'll get me coat!
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A fat frog walks into a bar and asks for a pint. The barman replies in astonishment "No way, we have a drink named after you!" so the frog replies "What, you have a drink called Steve?"
4th official"Dermot, relax with the swearing" .Keely"Ah its grand, he's me son"
Why don't black people go on cruises?
They're not falling for that one again.
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.
Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."
I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow.
I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels.
I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to have sex with the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a dump on the floor and urinate everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink knob.
Let's see Crimewatch stage a reconstruction of that!
New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15
Tub of Vaseline: £3
XL Box of Tissues: £2
The look of disgust on the cashiers face as you pay: Priceless
Zebo, a half blind 5 year old African orphan has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.
Please give just a small donation of £2 and we will send you the video; it's bloody hilarious!
Why I fired my secretary:
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Sobbing...
Naked...
and erect.
Eighteen year old virgin.
No recollection from the victim.
No witnesses.
Carlsberg don't do rapes....
I have a dream: a dream that, one day, chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.
Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar.
I realised my life was a big joke.
First Michael Jackson joke didn't take long:
Michael Jackson is not going to be buried or cremated but recycled into shopping bags so he can remain white, plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with.
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Tallaght Stadium Regular
They are going to make Lego out of Jacko's body so that kids can play with him for a change.
Farrah Fawcett spent years with Majors while Michael Jackson spent years with minors.
Forget about the performance or entertainment. It's only the result that matters.
Just got one about a McJacko burger. I really cant put it on here for fear of offending...
'Fascists dress in black and go round telling people what to do, where as priests.....'
Reports that Michael Jackson had a heart attack are unture, in fact he was found in a Children's ward having a stroke.
What's the difference between Manchester United and Michael Jackson?
United will still have Giggs in September.
Did everyone hear the news that whacko jacko died. Does anyone know any details. I heard it was food poisoning.........he ate some 12 year old nuts.
Doctors at the LA hospital where Jacko has passed away are unsure what to do with the body - plastic recylcing doesn't go out until Tuesday evening.
When Farrah Fawsett arrived at heaven and god granted her one wish. She wished all the children to be safe. So god killed michael jackson
Michael jackson has died. to commorate his musical achievements mcdonalds have released the McJackson burger.
Its a 50 year old peice of aged albino meat shoved between two 8 year old buns..
They still don't know how MJ died but they are blaming it on the boogie.
They've had to cancel MJ's London dates, John (8), Stephen (12), Alan (9)
Last edited by passinginterest; 26/06/2009 at 10:42 AM. Reason: Just got a few more
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Tallaght Stadium Regular
Sickipedia's down, predictably enough!
That's the one I was going to mention, you're a braver man than me!
'Fascists dress in black and go round telling people what to do, where as priests.....'
I think the disclaimer in the first post makes it just about OK.
It could be worse, I could have mentioned dead babies...
Last edited by passinginterest; 26/06/2009 at 11:12 AM.
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Tallaght Stadium Regular
reports now suggest that Jacko had a heart attack after finding out Boyz to Men were a band and not a delivery service
The LA police are treating Michael Jackson's death as suspicious;
they don't know whether to blame on the sunshine,
on the moon light, on good times or blame it on the boogie.
Unconfirmed reports that Madeleine McCann has just come out of hiding.
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