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Thread: Jokes (READ FIRST POST)

  1. #1301
    Seasoned Pro strangeirish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wangball View Post
    What kind of monkey eats dynamite?

    A Ba-Boom
    ...
    Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.

  2. #1302
    New Signing Magicme's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wangball View Post
    What kind of monkey eats dynamite?

    A Ba-Boom
    Am such a child at heart that jokes like that make me laugh the hardest!

  3. #1303
    Reserves Wangball's Avatar
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    What do you call a bear with a penis and testicles on its head?

    Genital Ben
    .
    .
    .
    What ET short for??

    Because he only has little legs
    You show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser - Vince Lombardi

  4. #1304
    New Signing Magicme's Avatar
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    The ET one is my fav of all time along with "What do you call Postman Pat when he retires? PAT!"

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    Reserves Wangball's Avatar
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    How do you make a monkey cross??

    Nail two monkey's together
    You show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser - Vince Lombardi

  6. #1306
    Reborn thischarmingman's Avatar
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    What do you get when you pour tea down a rabbit hole?

    A hot cross bunny.

  7. #1307
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    Quote Originally Posted by thischarmingman View Post
    What do you get when you pour tea down a rabbit hole?

    A hot cross bunny.
    Thats class
    I'm a bloke,I'm an ocker
    And I really love your knockers,I'm a labourer by day,
    I **** up all me pay,Watching footy on TV,
    Just feed me more VB,Just pour my beer,And get my smokes, And go away

  8. #1308
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    A blonde girl is out walking on a sunny day.

    she notices a boy in the field stood by himself while all the other kids
    are running around having fun she takes pity on him and decides to speak
    to him

    'you ok?' she says

    'yes' he says

    'you can play with the other kids you know' she says

    ' its best I stay here' he says

    'why?' says the blonde



    The boy says 'Because I am the f'n goalie'
    I'm a bloke,I'm an ocker
    And I really love your knockers,I'm a labourer by day,
    I **** up all me pay,Watching footy on TV,
    Just feed me more VB,Just pour my beer,And get my smokes, And go away

  9. #1309
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    At a surgical conference 3 surgeons, one from Israel, one from the UK, and the third from Ireland, are discussing the wonders of modern medecine. the Israeli surgeon says "In my country we can take the lungs out of one man and put them into another and have him back at work in 3 months".
    The UK surgeon says "That's nothing, in my country we can take the lungs out of one man and put them into another and have him back at work in only 2 months". Finally the Irish surgeon pipes up "Ye think that's good lads, in my country we can take an ar$ehole out of Offaly, put him into government and he'll have the whole country out of work in 4 months".

  10. #1310
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    Rohypnol is a load of ********.

    I've taken it for the past few weeks and haven't scored once.

  11. #1311
    First Team Stevo Da Gull's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anto1208 View Post
    Rohypnol is a load of ********.

    I've taken it for the past few weeks and haven't scored once.
    Yeah I know, it almost worked for me with this one bir.... oh wait that was a joke was it

  12. #1312
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    Courtesy of sickipeadia


    My hot water heater's packed up, so I had to fill the bath using a kettle and a load of saucepans...

    ...it was ****ing uncomfortable when I got in.


    I just dont get it, everyone goes on about David Beckham being thick...... but no one says anything about Stephen Hawking being rubbish at football do they?!


    Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

  13. #1313
    Seasoned Pro strangeirish's Avatar
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    Talking

    Fox News continues on its mission to dumb down America...

    Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.

  14. #1314
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    I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman...

    "Mr Cook?"

    "Yes," I replied.

    "I'm afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike."

    I said, "That's Rubbish, 'cause my dog doesn't have a bike!"

  15. #1315
    Seasoned Pro strangeirish's Avatar
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    Female suicide bomber runs in to a pet shop and yells, "You all have 30 seconds to get out!"

    Tortoise at the back shouts, "You ***t!"

    Last edited by strangeirish; 15/08/2008 at 6:32 PM.
    Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.

  16. #1316
    FORMERLY: shannonman Lev Yashin's Avatar
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    Everyone talks about how good Viagra is...but it takes 30 minutes to work...i find after 30 minutes the girl has normally managed to wriggle away.
    My Goal Is To Deny Yours...

  17. #1317
    First Team TonyD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shannonman View Post
    Everyone talks about how good Viagra is...but it takes 30 minutes to work...i find after 30 minutes the girl has normally managed to wriggle away.
    Who was watching Frankie Boyle on Mock The Week last week then ?

    Funny guy he is too.I like his line about paedophiles, "the grey macs, the glasses, just what is it about that look that children find so sexy?" Shockingly bad taste I know, one of those jokes you know you shouldn't really find funny but still
    Out for a spell, got neglected, lay on the bench unselected.

  18. #1318
    Coach Pauro 76's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TonyD View Post
    Who was watching Frankie Boyle on Mock The Week last week then ?

    Funny guy he is too.I like his line about paedophiles, "the grey macs, the glasses, just what is it about that look that children find so sexy?" Shockingly bad taste I know, one of those jokes you know you shouldn't really find funny but still
    Frankie Boyle is quality, he always takes it too far. He once called gymnastics, paedophilia for cowards! saw him live once, fantastic.
    'Fascists dress in black and go round telling people what to do, where as priests.....'

  19. #1319
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    The chap is pure genius. His bit about political correctness a few weeks back had me choking with laughter. I had it posted here but bottled it in the end!
    Last edited by stann; 19/08/2008 at 7:24 AM.
    more bass

  20. #1320
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    Quote Originally Posted by TonyD View Post
    Who was watching Frankie Boyle on Mock The Week last week then ?

    Funny guy he is too.I like his line about paedophiles, "the grey macs, the glasses, just what is it about that look that children find so sexy?" Shockingly bad taste I know, one of those jokes you know you shouldn't really find funny but still
    Christ that is two jokes he has robbed so straight away !!

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