Jokes (READ FIRST POST)

**tricky_colour** · 26/02/2008, 5:06 PM

Just heard this on The Simpsons which made me chuckle:-

(they are watching Crusty the Clown entertain some prisoners in jail on TV)

Lisa: "Those prisoners just love Crusty the clown"
Bart: "Inside the heart of every criminal beats the heart of a 10 year old boy"
Lisa: "And vice versa".

**sligoman** · 27/02/2008, 1:28 PM

A woman has been kicked off 'Who Wants to be A Millionaire' for masterbating...she didn't quite understand the 'fastest finger' part of the show.

**strangeirish** · 29/02/2008, 2:33 AM

It seems that the USA sub-prime problem has rippled over to Japan. And the consequences are set to be disastrous.

The Origami Bank has folded...

The Karaoke Bank is up for sale – and going for a song...

Shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived...

Sumo Bank has gone belly-up...

The Bonzai Bank are cutting their branches...

Samurai Bank are forecasting a sharp cutback...

1,000 staff at Karate Bank have got the chop...

And rumor has it that something fishy is happening at Sushi Bank and staff are predicted to get a raw deal..

**paul_oshea** · 29/02/2008, 9:09 AM

Guy goes to a hard ware store looking for some bug spray he picks up a bottle and asks the guy behind the counter "is this good for beetles"
The guy looks up and replies "no it will kill them "

classic

**Block G Raptor** · 29/02/2008, 10:30 AM

Illegal Immigrants Poem

I cross ocean, poor and broke.
Take bus, see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there.
Say I need to see welfare.

Welfare say, "You come no more,
we send cash right to your door."

Welfare cheques - they make you wealthy!
VHI - it keep you healthy!

By and by, I got plenty money.

Thanks to you, Irish dummy!

Write to friends in motherland.

Tell them "come fast as you can."

They come in turbans and Ford trucks.

I buy big house with welfare bucks!

They come here, we live together.

More welfare cheques, it gets better!

Fourteen families, they moving in,

but neighbour's patience wearing thin.

Finally, white guy moves away.

Now I buy his house,then I say,

"Find more aliens for house to rent."

And in the yard I put a tent.

Everything is very good,

and soon we own the neighbourhood.

We have hobby, it's called breeding.

Welfare pay for baby's feeding.

Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?

We get free! We got no bills!

Ireland crazy! They pay all year,

To keep welfare running here..

We think Ireland darn good place.

Too darn good for the white man race!

If they no like us, they can scram.

Got lots of room in Pakistan !

**paul_oshea** · 29/02/2008, 10:48 AM

Man arrives home to his wife with a bunch of flowers, the wife says "I suppose I should spread my legs now?".
Man says "why?, have we not got a vase?"
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why did the farmer get a nobel prize? coz he was outstanding in his field!!!!
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did ya hear of the 2 kerry men walkin along the road and one finds a mirror on the road and looks in it and says, i recognise the face,
the other grabs it off him and looks and says its me ya ******

**placid casual** · 29/02/2008, 10:59 AM

did you hear about the spa who won the disco dancing contest?
he was just goin to get his coat
------
why do women have legs ?
just look at the mess snails make
------
two fat guys in a pub. one says "your round".
other says "so are you ye fat *******"

**noby** · 29/02/2008, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by Block G Raptor

Illegal Immigrants Poem

The comedy stylings of Enoch Powell

**gustavo** · 29/02/2008, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by Block G Raptor

Illegal Immigrants Poem
!

Alf Garnett would be proud

**Block G Raptor** · 29/02/2008, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by gustavo

Alf Garnett would be proud

Jaysus lad's it's a Joke. this is the Joke Thread isn't it?.relax It's not as though I actually wrote the feckin' thing. It did however bring a smile to my face when reading it

**John83** · 29/02/2008, 11:52 AM

Originally Posted by noby

The comedy stylings of Enoch Powell

Originally Posted by gustavo

Alf Garnett would be proud

The metre's all over the place too.

**KevB76** · 29/02/2008, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by Block G Raptor

Jaysus lad's it's a Joke. this is the Joke Thread isn't it?.relax It's not as though I actually wrote the feckin' thing. It did however bring a smile to my face when reading it

Jokes are supposed to make you laugh arent they, where's the funny part

Nevermind, I found it......

Originally Posted by Block G Raptor

I buy big house with welfare bucks!

**paul_oshea** · 29/02/2008, 12:51 PM

Block, thats class. Only read it when I heard the abuse you were getting

**stann** · 29/02/2008, 1:11 PM

Originally Posted by Block G Raptor

It did however bring a smile to my face when reading it

This is the part that made me go

.
Awful effort in every way imaginable.

**Wangball** · 29/02/2008, 7:32 PM

Whats the difference between a Porshce & a dead prostitute????

There's no Porsche in my garage
-------
Whats the difference between a dead prostitute & an onion???

I cry chopping up onions
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The only thing better than a good dead prostitute joke.....is 2 dead prostitue jokes

**strangeirish** · 05/03/2008, 9:39 PM

1. Go to the following site : http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/

2. TYPE YOUR FIRST NAME ON THE 1st LINE.

3. TYPE YOUR LAST NAME ON THE 2nd LINE.

4. (Skip your e.mail addresses.)

4. Click on vizualizar and watch what happens.

It's safe for work. Pretty cool technology.

**sligoman** · 05/03/2008, 9:48 PM

Zookeeper tells Paddy that a gorilla is in heat and they need someone to have sex with her. He asks Paddy would he do the job for 500euro, Paddy says he will on three conditions:

1. He won't kiss it.
2. His family must never find out.
and 3. He'll need a few weeks to get the money together

.
------------
Q.What did the ghost say to the bee?
A. Boo bee.

**deecay** · 05/03/2008, 11:42 PM

Originally Posted by sligoman

Zookeeper tells Paddy that a gorilla is in heat and they need someone to have sex with her. He asks Paddy would he do the job if they paid him 500euro, Paddy says he will on three conditions:

1. He won't kiss it.
2. His family must never find out.
and 3. He'll need a few weeks to get the money together

.

Quality