Jokes (READ FIRST POST)

[chuckie]

Chelsea have released a new fragrance called "the special one" its from U go Boss.
i'll get my coat!

[2legged tackle]

A hooker in London is such a die hard Chelsea fan she gets a tattoo of Frank Lampard on her Left thigh, John Terry on her right thigh and offers discounts to fellow Chelsea fans. A man approaches her and eventually they get down to it. He lifts up her skirt and opens her legs,
Hooker: If you can tell me who this is on my left leg ill give ya everythin for a tenner
Man: No soryy dont know him
Hooker: Same with the right leg.
Man: No I dont know who he is either but the fella in the middle with the big lips looks like Shaun Wright Phillips.

[Blue-Army]

renault have designed a new version of people carrier so large and spacious you would even hear a person scream in the back, they have called it ..................
the renault mccann

ill get my coat

here it is....

[Jock MIB]

here it is....

My Name is McCann from Glasgow but no relation to them, but as a parent feel for any person who has lost there child to what ever curcumstances... to me anyone who laughs or tells these jokes are sad people... these sick jokes should be taken off this thread

[strangeirish]

Marcel Marceau, the world's best-known mime artist who for decades moved audiences across the globe without uttering a single word, has died aged 84.
Family and friends are remaining tight lipped about the funeral arrangements.

[sligoman]

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says "Me feet are freezing. Could you nip upstairs and get my slippers?". "No bother" he says, and runs upstairs. He see's Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their bed. "Hello girls, yer dad sent me up here to shag ye both." Murphy says. "**** off you liar" they said. "I'll prove it" says Murphy...so he shouts downstairs "Both of them Paddy?". He replied..."Of course Murph, sure what's the use of ****ing one"

[strangeirish]

An 80 year old couple were seen shagging furiously up against a fence. For 40 minutes they shagged like animals,arms and legs going everywhere until they fell to the floor."Christ" she said "You didn't shag me like that 50 years ago" to which the old man replied "50 years ago that fence wasn't electric"

[kingdom hoop]

Where are the rudest people in the world from?

Connecticut!


Just came up with that one myself, not all that funny, more clever I suppose but I was happy with it. The 'getting' of it lies in an extension from etiquette, or in internet terms, netiquette, and being anti-etiquette they are con-etiquette = Connecticut. Any improvement suggestions are welcomed!

[strangeirish]

Where are the rudest people in the world from?

Connecticut!

You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

[jebus]

Just came up with that one myself, not all that funny, more clever I suppose but I was happy with it. The 'getting' of it lies in an extension from etiquette, or in internet terms, netiquette, and being anti-etiquette they are con-etiquette = Connecticut. Any improvement suggestions are welcomed!

Improvement = never telling it to anyone ever again

[pineapple stu]

How many FAI suits does it take to hold an FAI Cup Final?

Two. Or at least, it can't go ahead without them anyway.

[kingdom hoop]

You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

Cheers! There's something fractured about my thoughts too, never concrete, concise, or condensed into a single limb ready for mobility. Too haphazard, handicapped by a broken mind, idly dangling without fusing. The joints were good but the midnight oil is exhausted, no more lubrication for a stiff grey matter.

Improvement = never telling it to anyone ever again

Nice. Suggestion duly noted.


And promptly disregarded!

[pineapple stu]

You should write for the UCD fanzine!

[kingdom hoop]

You should write for the UCD fanzine!

Presumably the fact that you wrote that in the jokes thread indicates a lack of sincerity. Well f u too.

[pineapple stu]

Ah no - a warped and sprained mind is indeed a necessity for us STIGians!

[kingdom hoop]

Sorry for the over-indulgence there pineapple stu, I was of course joking. I've thought about contributing to one of college papers before alright but a combination of laziness and severe writer's block over the past few years has come against me. I suppose the laziness was the over-riding factor actually.

It's an honour to be approached to join kindred souls, bound by commonalities imperceptible to aliens. But to endeavour to join the pantheon of great STIGians places me in glaring headlights, I think I'm most happy under foot.ie's soft lantern for the time being. Maybe, some day, I'll be ready...

[strangeirish]

Bah, cast off the shackles of fear kingdom hoop and don't deprive the student's the eloquence of your mighty pen.

<Of course the writing style would have to be phonetically inclined>

[kingdom hoop]

Bah, cast off the shackles of fear kingdom hoop and don't deprive the student's the eloquence of your mighty pen.

Stop embarrassing me! Nah, we all love adulation really, no matter how humble we are. Like, what's made my day today was being nominated for PotM for the first time*, that, and my Connecticut joke. Good day all round.

*(Dare I say, not before time. )



- Agent note; Just to put the rumours to rest, kingdom hoop will not be joining the eminent sages of STIG in the near future. He is soon to be mired in FE-1 exams so unless a contribution is required on the defence of insanity he considers it best to keep his, albeit small, distance. However that is not to imply that any further invitations or suggestions for his energy are unwelcome.

[Risteard]

Where are the rudest people in the world from?

Connecticut!


Just came up with that one myself, not all that funny, more clever I suppose but I was happy with it. The 'getting' of it lies in an extension from etiquette, or in internet terms, netiquette, and being anti-etiquette they are con-etiquette = Connecticut. Any improvement suggestions are welcomed!

It's funny because you explained it.
Here's a Merrion square one.
How many FAI men does it take to come out, clarify a misunderstanding and allay any confusion?

[3 Heroes]

I've just seen a cow in a field using a mobile phone,

it's the first case of bluetooth disease
-------
Irish weather,

it's just like a Muslim, either Sunni or Shi'ite.