Jokes (READ FIRST POST)

[CollegeTillIDie]

tres bien!

You're my new wee pal....

[Green Tribe]

You're my new wee pal....

Was a good 'un!

[aido_b]

Anyone hear about the seven dwarfs in the bath?


They were feeling happy so happy got out!




.... two elephants and a cymbal fall off a cliff .....

[liam88]

Why did the Lone Ranger fall off his horse.........













Someone hit him with a fridge

[Plastic Paddy]

Why did the Lone Ranger fall off his horse.........


Someone hit him with a fridge

PP

[Stevo Da Gull]

Why did the Lone Ranger fall off his horse.........

Someone hit him with a fridge

Reminds me of the jokes: Why did the plane crash? - Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Why did timmy fall off the swing? - Because he had no arms
Why did'nt timmy get back on the swing? - Because he had no legs

(kinda offensive)

[liam88]

Reminds me of the jokes: Why did the plane crash? - Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Why did timmy fall off the swing? - Because he had no arms
Why did'nt timmy get back on the swing? - Because he had no legs

(kinda offensive)

Offensive mabyhe but i'm wetting myself laughing!!

Did you here the one about the magic tractor?





It drove down the lane and turned into a field!!!!

[liam88]

What about the man who drowned in a bowl of musli?




































Pulled under by a strong current!!!! Oh yes!

[hamish]

Kerryman sits on a bun and got electrocuted - current ran up his @rse.

[liam88]

Kerryman sits on a bun and got electrocuted - current ran up his @rse.

High five

[Green Tribe]

What about the man who drowned in a bowl of musli?

Pulled under by a strong current!!!! Oh yes!

Police are also said to be searching for a CEREAL killer..........

[aido_b]

Police are also said to be searching for a CEREAL killer..........

Jaysus KT you're really milking that joke!

[Green Tribe]

Jaysus KT you're really milking that joke!

I've had me Weetabix today!

[CollegeTillIDie]

I've had me Weetabix today!

... Oh then whatever you say is fine by me your highness

[Green Tribe]

... Oh then whatever you say is fine by me your highness

The Queen misplaced her wig whilst out walking the mutts, Police are combing the area surrounding the Palace......

Coat, taxi!!!!!!!

I hear these from my brother

[TheOwl]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[De Town]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

your coat is by the door.......

[TheOwl]

your coat is by the door.......

But I love me puns and wordplay.....

What do you call a terrorist that's just come back from Ibiza?

All summer been largin'

++

DARTH VADER:
Luke, I know what you have for Christmas...

LUKE:
NO, Father!

DARTH VADER:
Luke, I know what you have for Christmas....

LUKE:
NO, Father......how could you know?


DARTH VADER:
I have felt your presents!

[TheOwl]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[sligoman]

A man escapes from prison where he has been locked away for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants some "satisfaction", don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, he thought you were cute and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too."