Your Drunk Stories

[inexile]

Mine isn't really funny, just goes to show how dangerous women are. I was out on the rip since 6 on friday straight after work, half 2 in the morning i pull this bird and she invites me home, so im thinking result!! I couldnt get her in the taxi quick enough. so we get out to her place and up the lift into her apartment.
In the door and I try it on, no point wasting any time is there?
Only I get shot down, and try again with the same result.
So I get fine and thick after the feed of drink and dont fancy a night of cuddling and talking till the sun comes up, so I walk out!
Only to find I cant get out of the courtyard without one of these fob keys, there was no way in the world I was going back up to her, so I look around and fancy my chances of scaling the wall. After 10 minutes or so of grunting I get up and as im getting down the far side i lose my footing and fall and I swear I didn't feel a thing.
I flagged down a taxi and go home to bed. At sometime during the night the drink wears off and I wake up in some pain. I went to the hospital later that day. 2 cracked ribs and a broken wrist.
Now all i want is a cuddle

[Bluebeard]

Mine isn't really funny, just goes to show how dangerous women are. I was out on the rip since 6 on friday straight after work, half 2 in the morning i pull this bird and she invites me home, so im thinking result!! I couldnt get her in the taxi quick enough. so we get out to her place and up the lift into her apartment.
In the door and I try it on, no point wasting any time is there?
Only I get shot down, and try again with the same result.
So I get fine and thick after the feed of drink and dont fancy a night of cuddling and talking till the sun comes up, so I walk out!
Only to find I cant get out of the courtyard without one of these fob keys, there was no way in the world I was going back up to her, so I look around and fancy my chances of scaling the wall. After 10 minutes or so of grunting I get up and as im getting down the far side i lose my footing and fall and I swear I didn't feel a thing.
I flagged down a taxi and go home to bed. At sometime during the night the drink wears off and I wake up in some pain. I went to the hospital later that day. 2 cracked ribs and a broken wrist.
Now all i want is a cuddle

I thought it was really funny...

[inexile]

dunno if your taking the mickey outta me bluebeard, but i dont find it funny anyway!!!
if she only put out none of this would have happened

[inexile]

The bitch...

i know ya, who does she think she is?!?!?!
does she not know who i am????

[jebus]

i know ya, who does she think she is?!?!?!
does she not know who i am????

Bluebeard's new sidekick......Blueballs?

[Sligo Hornet]

Mine isn't really funny, just goes to show how dangerous women are. I was out on the rip since 6 on friday straight after work, half 2 in the morning i pull this bird and she invites me home, so im thinking result!! I couldnt get her in the taxi quick enough. so we get out to her place and up the lift into her apartment.
In the door and I try it on, no point wasting any time is there?
Only I get shot down, and try again with the same result.
So I get fine and thick after the feed of drink and dont fancy a night of cuddling and talking till the sun comes up, so I walk out!
Only to find I cant get out of the courtyard without one of these fob keys, there was no way in the world I was going back up to her, so I look around and fancy my chances of scaling the wall. After 10 minutes or so of grunting I get up and as im getting down the far side i lose my footing and fall and I swear I didn't feel a thing.
I flagged down a taxi and go home to bed. At sometime during the night the drink wears off and I wake up in some pain. I went to the hospital later that day. 2 cracked ribs and a broken wrist.
Now all i want is a cuddle

Are you sure you didn't break your wrist through excessive unilateral "cuddling"?

[inexile]

well i do like it rough!

i do like that as well jebus good shout, although i do think (black and) blueribs would be more apt at the moment!!

to think i nearly had put an end to my drought and everything

[kingdom hoop]

to think i nearly had put an end to my drought and everything

I'm sure the Lord will come again!

[inexile]

i hope so, i was hoping to double my lifes tally

[kingdom hoop]

The Lord doesn't hope.... he acts.


The Lord doesn't ask..... he leads.



The Lord doesn't doubt.... he believes.

[Bluebeard]

My ex girls funny drunk story....








God I miss her....

So drunk she walked in on someone taking a quiet dump

[The Scientist]

Few years back.

After winning the county under 21 hurling championship we all went of on the pi$$ in the Old Ground pub in Waterford. Place packed and a karaoke in full swing!! Course I decided to sing!! I sang “I shot the sheriff” and repeated the 1 sentence for 3 and a half minutes to a standing ovation
Headed into town to Muldoon’s, proceeded to get into one of the lads little sisters (16) I was 18. Practically tried to ride her in a packed bar!! Got her into the car park down at the back of the Mansion house pub!! Rode her, blew the load and told her to head off home. Walked home out the Dunmore Road and fell numerous times. Finally I got to the house proceeded to pi$$ up against the mothers roses and had a major argument with the tree over the game until my brother shouted out the window to cop on and go to bed!!

Woke up the next day at about 4 o clock, f@cking dying, so decided to go back out on the pi$$!! Ended up in the pub at 5 and stayed there all night!! Closing time came, decided we didn’t have enough so went down to the corner bar down on the quay!! (24hr bar). 2 of us decided to stay there till about half 5, well shuttered by this stage, we left and crossed the road over to look at the boats!! We both decided to rob a small dingy!! So we proceed to row down the quay against the tide and there was a small cruiser on the Ferrybank side, my mate decided to scream at the crew members on the boat that he was the captain of our ship. I was trying to row while buckled over with the laughing. Rowed on more for about 300 yards and decided I had enough!! (Our aim was to go to Passage East on the lash which was about 6 miles down the river) There was a pontoon outside the Marina hotel and while I was getting out I slipped on a load of green stuff and got my jeans destroyed. Headed into the hotel to try and clean it in the jacks but my mate got side tracked by the smell of breakfast!! In we went, sat down with all the yanks, food was served up and the waitress asked us who are we with, I said we are with the cosmos tour!! (in my best drunken american accent) So she looked at us and knew only too well we weren’t in the group!! She headed off to get the porter so I told my mate, eat as fast as you can because we are out of here!! Porter came in and F@cked us out with half a black pudding in me mouth!!

Got outside and decided I had enough and got a taxi home!! Have to say thou it was prob the funniest weekend I ever had!!
Have other stories about college but leave it for another time!! Also have a story and video evidence of Tony O Donohue and Paul Lennon been ejected from a Bar in Cardiff last year!!

[Sam_Heggy]

6 words, one weekend:
Full frontal nudity in temple bar

[Longfordian]

Few years back.

Headed into town to Muldoon’s, proceeded to get into one of the lads little sisters (16) I was 18. Practically tried to ride her in a packed bar!! Got her into the car park down at the back of the Mansion house pub!! Rode her, blew the load and told her to head off home. Walked home out the Dunmore Road and fell numerous times. Finally I got to the house proceeded to pi$$ up against the mothers roses and had a major argument with the tree over the game until my brother shouted out the window to cop on and go to bed!!

Woke up the next day at about 4 o clock, f@cking dying, so decided to go back out on the pi$$!! Ended up in the pub at 5 and stayed there all night!! Closing time came, decided we didn’t have enough so went down to the corner bar down on the quay!! (24hr bar). 2 of us decided to stay there till about half 5, well shuttered by this stage, we left and crossed the road over to look at the boats!! We both decided to rob a small dingy!! So we proceed to row down the quay against the tide and there was a small cruiser on the Ferrybank side, my mate decided to scream at the crew members on the boat that he was the captain of our ship. I was trying to row while buckled over with the laughing. Rowed on more for about 300 yards and decided I had enough!! (Our aim was to go to Passage East on the lash which was about 6 miles down the river) There was a pontoon outside the Marina hotel and while I was getting out I slipped on a load of green stuff and got my jeans destroyed. Headed into the hotel to try and clean it in the jacks but my mate got side tracked by the smell of breakfast!! In we went, sat down with all the yanks, food was served up and the waitress asked us who are we with, I said we are with the cosmos tour!! (in my best drunken american accent) So she looked at us and knew only too well we weren’t in the group!! She headed off to get the porter so I told my mate, eat as fast as you can because we are out of here!! Porter came in and F@cked us out with half a black pudding in me mouth!!

Got outside and decided I had enough and got a taxi home!! Have to say thou it was prob the funniest weekend I ever had!!
Have other stories about college but leave it for another time!! Also have a story and video evidence of Tony O Donohue and Paul Lennon been ejected from a Bar in Cardiff last year!!

Can you hear the patrol car on its way up the driveway? You win first prize in the spend the night with Bubba competition. Congratulations .

[First]

Hey Bubba!! How's he been, let's check:




Aww that Bubba... What a kidder....!!

I am in Alabama at the moment and Bubba is everywhere..

[First]

That's cool. Bubba's and Rednecks everywhere eh?

Lets just say its diverse. I am in a meeting at the moment with a white south african , an Indian (from the country India) an Englishman , Bubba and his bro, Cletus (Joe ) and his sidekick Scooter ( I kid you not ) , I know there is a joke in there somewhere.... did you here about the Irishman , the South African , the Indian, Bubba and the englishman in a meeting in Alabama ,











No one liked the Englishman

[The Scientist]

Can you hear the patrol car on its way up the driveway? You win first prize in the spend the night with Bubba competition. Congratulations .

says the Longford man renowned for their reckless inbreding!! Why do you think Longford town has one of the small churches in Ireland?? Because ye all go to one side of the church when ye get married!!

[Longfordian]

Forgive me for wishing to advise that confessing your sexual exploits as an adult with a 16 year old mightn't be a wise idea . There's no statute of limitations on rape you know . Still, I'm sure you'll be fine in prison.

[Bluebeard]

says the Longford man renowned for their reckless inbreding!!

As opposed to considered and thought-through inbreeding? I'd like to see that particular branch of the Family Planning Association!

[Mr A]

Dahamsta's post in the video thread made me think of this:

I've been that drunk and it's not that bad. Sure yerman was laughing his ass off at the outset, he knew damned well what was going on. Can get frustrating alright, but as long as there wasn't a danger from someone or something else, he's no harm to anyone. Very hard to hurt yourself badly just by falling over when you're drunk, it's tensing up while falling causes the injuries.

I wasn't far off that drunk one night in Turner's Cross, very, very late, wandering all over the (thankfully wide) footpath, ending up staring goggle-eyed at the phone in a phonebox, deperately wanting to call a taxi and just get home, yet singularly incapable of remembering how the damned things work*. Squad car pulls up alongside me, asks if I'm alright, and offers me a spin home. They even dropped me at the end of my road, so mammy and the neighbours wouldn't see.

When people bitch about the Guards, I always think of those two utterly sound Guards.


* I've done this at the front door too, either because I couldn't get the key in the lock, or because I couldn't find the key that was actually in my pocket all along.

Come on, let's be having you! Let's be having your drunken stories!