Jokes

[4tothefloor]

A female blonde was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and
as pulled over by a woman cop who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see
the blonde's driver's license. The driver dug through her purse and was
getting progressively more agitated she asked, "What does it look like?".
The cop replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver
finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the cop. "Here
it is," she said. The blonde cop looked at the mirror, then handed it back
saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

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A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale has hit Coolock.

Epicentre: Northside Shopping Centre. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "...bleedin story?","aaaaawr igh' bud" and "fUUUc*sake". The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately EUR30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Crete and Santa Ponza were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their welfare cheque arrived. The Northside News reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that the damage had not been caused by illegal means.

One resident - Alexis Crystal Duffy, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "Ih was such a fuc*in' shock, me little wan Chardonnay Mercedes cem runnin' into me bedruem cryin'. Me youngisst two: Tyler-Morgan n Megan-Brooklyn slept tru ih all. Buh I was still shakin' when I was watchin' fuc*in' RikkiLake leh-er in the fuc*in' mornin" Apparently though, looting, muggings and incidental crime did carry on as usual.

The Irish Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Strongbow, Dutch Gold, frozen pizza and John Player Blue to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include welfare books, jewellery including thousands of sovereign rings, many large medallions and Hash leaf ear rings from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and fine Bone China from Tommy's Wonderland of Value.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
Just 22c buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms and bookie slips.

Just EUR5.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

Only EUR6.00 will pay for a packet of 20 Major to calm the nerves of those affected.

Note: Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of such plush accommodation is unfair on the population of the local halting sites

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Posh has apparantly told Becks that she had an affair with Michael Jackson. Many see this as a ploy the make her husband jealous. This theory was backed up when Michael Jackson totally denied the affair, claiming he was in Brooklyn at the time....

[Dricky]

Brilliant just what I needed on a crappy Wed, they have just put me in a right good mood.