Bohs will surge into the lead before realising that a football club can't be build on dreams alone when it turns out that they've already sold their midfield to four different clubs and a property developer who wants to build a shopping centre on Anto Murphy. Shams will chase them all the way like a needy ex-girlfriend who doesn't believe it's over, crying bitter little tears when no one notices or appreciates all the effort that went into their new stadium. UCD B, by which I mean Fingal, will win the league after a tactical nuclear strike during a Bohs-Rovers game results in 16 points deductions for both clubs, Ronan Finn and Conan Byrne combining to make football of such pure beauty that it makes Paul Doolin weep as he realises that he's wasted his life building teams which kick teams until they're too bruised to chase the long balls to his lone striker any more. Dundalk will settle for finishing ahead of Drogheda, who will finish the season playing their home games in a debtor's prison. Pats will miss out on Europe in spite of a three point and 30 goal lead going into the last day when their opponents realise that the way to beat Conor Kenna is to play the ball on the ground in spite of him being three foot two. They'll bitterly ruing the fact that Paul Byrne wasn't able to add to the ninteen goals he scored in the cumulative total of sixteen minutes and twenty two seconds he was fit over the season. Galway will finish last, but win an MTV award for the music video of their season set to Rogue Trader's The Price We Pay. Bray will get relegated after losing their playoff to a resurgent Monaghan, but are saved when Sligo go to the wall after it turns out they haven't paid any tax since the foundation of the state. Finally, the SCP will be evaluated, and the Premier title awarded to Athlone.
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