Tom the gom in assault shocker!

**pineapple stu** · 01/03/2004, 12:59 PM

Originally posted by max power
if anyone messes with me candle again there will be hell to pay !!!!!

**Schumi** · 01/03/2004, 2:01 PM

Originally posted by pineapple stu
Schumi, do you want to post up the guest column? Should disturb a few people anyway...

Here it is. Enjoy!

CELEBRITY GUEST COLUMN
WITH MAD TOM
Argh�wlah�brown dogg shturk�eh, howya boy�I�m Tom. I�ve been to Belfield more times then you fellas have had hot dinners, but jaysis, I�ve been to de Carlisle Grounds more times than I�ve had hot dinners and to Turners Cross more times than I�ve had a wash. I�ve travelled up and down dis ****ary watchin de games of football with Limerick and Cobh Ramblers and Finn Harps and all dem fellas. I even saw Liverpool, a team from a far away place called England, not many ever went there across the raging seas wit de dragons and all dat. Yes Liverpool, big dark fellas dey had...15 foot tall if they were an inch. Der was wan fella be the name of Jones, an his granmuthar was a distint relashin of Brian Farrell from Tuam who makes dem little clocks wit de bells, dey war very famous in der time...did I just make a pun? I suppose it was just a fluke�haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw.
Enyway, it was 14th August 1953 and I was jus a little lad, my father Bernard (people used say to me he was mad and to run away in the night but he was always great to me) took me to de game, an he was tellin me about a game on de same day in Sligo in 1924 where a piece of paper blew over de goalkeeper�s eyes wen he was in goal for a penalty and he died of claustrophobia but still saved it, when all of a sudden he remembered dat today was Billy Healy, a good old friend from Bishopstown�s 97th birthday and he�d forgot to send a card so he said to wait by the gate and he�d be back in 5 minutes. Dat was de last time I saw my father.
Well anyway, gud luck to both teams today. I think if tradition holds true and judging by the fact dat every game on this date in the last 49 years with a team with a �U� in the name has finished with a scoreline of at least 2-2 we should see goals today and der should be at least 250 cups of soup sold but no more than 316, and of course der was de incident of Phillip Manless from Killarney who had an unfortunate stammer and his wife�(to read finished article please follow Tom around pitch perimeter for game and listen very carefully. Unfortunately this is all we can print�thanks Tom.)