Behaviour which needs to be banned...

**Magicme** · 18/10/2009, 1:49 PM

Originally Posted by Hairy Bowsie

There is a disgraceful amount of them too and some of the people (not all) in these father for justice groups are the worst of the lot.

Am sure there are also some great dads who would love the access my ex is offered but doesnt take. My boys are 12 and 15 now, they really need their dad and despite it being part of the divorce order that he see them every 2nd weekend and for 2 weeks during the summer, one week at Christmas and occasional bank holidays to be decided between us, he sees them one weekend a month, 5 days at Christmas and this year was only the 2nd summer he took them for 2 weeks, split up during their holidays.

I know he lives miles away now (his choice) and I know he works odd hours, but he doesnt even text or ring them every week, never mind every day.

Now he has gone 9 weeks without contributing a cent to what are essentially teenagers with men's appetites and men sized shoes (so no VAT reduction) at a time when I had to spend approx €500 getting them back to school, and both their birthdays. He didnt send them a card for their birthdays but as they were with him this weekend it will be interesting to see if he has gotten them a present.

He works as a supervisior in 24hour banking so is ok money, his wife works part time in a shop and also as an Avon rep, their daughters are only 8 & 5 so you would think he could send a few quid to keep his sons.

Am so angry, depressed and hurt that he could disregard them like this and leave them in hardship where there is just about enough money to feed and cloth them.

Have a court date on 9th of November and boy will the judge know what a useless piece of crap he is.

**Poor Student** · 18/10/2009, 1:51 PM

Originally Posted by brianw82

What on earth was that for? Why were people cheering?

Bunch of Pavlovian dogs.

**Mr A** · 18/10/2009, 1:57 PM

Originally Posted by Hairy Bowsie

There is a disgraceful amount of them too and some of the people (not all) in these father for justice groups are the worst of the lot.

Is that based on anything in particular? Personally I think many fathers get an incredibly raw deal, and some of the stuff that some mothers get away with is absolutely disgusting.

**Magicme** · 18/10/2009, 2:14 PM

Originally Posted by Mr A

Is that based on anything in particular? Personally I think many fathers get an incredibly raw deal, and some of the stuff that some mothers get away with is absolutely disgusting.

there is always some of both cases. I know a dad who is paying out twice what I was getting for my two boys for one little 3 yr old girl maintenance and was barely allowed to see his daughter.

I think I only once said he couldnt see our boys and that was because he told me 2 days in advance that he was taking them and we were booked to go away somewhere.

**Mr A** · 18/10/2009, 2:25 PM

Wasn't talking about you Magicme, but about several cases I've known personally.

Like a guy on the dole whose ex wife had him in court for missing payments totalling half his meagre income, when she had a good job and her daughter had a good part time job and was earning more than the guy. The poor fecker actually ended up spending time inside because of their lies in court (and his crap lawyer!).

Like the guy who has made every payment ever asked of him but has never been allowed to see his son.

Like the guy who was financially crippled paying maintenance to a very well off ex wife who took every opportunity to block his access yet still he got taken to court for more. Fortunately in this case, not only did she not get more, but the judge ordered her to hand 5k back! Better again the kids as they've grown up have realized the truth and increasingly little to do with her. (Obviously that didn't happen in Ireland)

I just thank my lucky stars that I'm in a happy, stable relationship and that none of this affects me.

**Magicme** · 18/10/2009, 2:37 PM

Yeah I know Mr A, have seen cases like that myself. Its horrific, but then there are so many who think they have the right not to contribute to their kids lifes to. I havent looked for an increase in the 11 years we have separated, I asked him if he could contribute in anyway when his kids were having their communion and confirmation and got laughed at despite his whole family enjoying the meals that were paid for by me. I asked again (foolishly) for some help with the 3+k that it took to fix my son's teeth and again was laughed at.

Apart from the 2 christmas' when they got Playstations (2 & later 3) he has not contributed to their presents and has bought them stuff they neither wanted or needed instead. He hasnt asked me how they are getting on in school in 8 years. He shows no interest in them, takes them to his house and plays playstation with them or has a kick about for as long as his smokers lungs will allow him, and brings them home without feeding them their tea, yet the sun shines out of his butt to them and I dont want that to change. I want them to adore their dad like I do mine, I want them to love their sisters and their stepmum and indeed I buy them all presents for birthdays and christmas so the boys have the joy of giving them gifts, yet now I can barely pay for important school stuff like ECDL and swimming classes or football training and they will have feck all for Christmas simply because he is too selfish to give a dam.

Sorry about this rant, but I have to get it out before I explode. They are due home in a few hours and if I have this still in my head I will go out and kick 10 colours of you know what out of him! Would rather get my rant out and smile sweetly at him now so that he can have no complaints about my behaviour when we get to Court next month.

**Hairy Bowsie** · 18/10/2009, 4:58 PM

Originally Posted by Mr A

Is that based on anything in particular?

I don't really want to go into detail but yes it's based a situation close to me. I'm not a father myself and i know seperated fathers on both sides of the line (good and bad) but when you see what some of the fathers in these fathers groups get up too then i find it hard to be sympathetic for any of them, even the good ones.

**thischarmingman** · 18/10/2009, 5:04 PM

Originally Posted by Hairy Bowsie

I don't really want to go into detail but yes it's based a situation close to me. I'm not a father myself and i know seperated fathers on both sides of the line (good and bad) but when you see what some of the fathers in these fathers groups get up too then i find it hard to be sympathetic for any of them, even the good ones.

Although I have no direct experience of it, I'd say that plenty of those campaigning as part of for example, F4J, have a point regarding equal parenting rights after divorces. I agree that some of the campaigns have been badly managed and in some cases, downright sinister, but I don't think that should mean we ignore the silent minority of fathers who feel frustrated and let down by the law and have lost both a wife and children. Obviously there's good and bad people everywhere- some people are just *******s, but there is no doubt in my mind that the family law system is skewed in favour of the mother.

**Hairy Bowsie** · 18/10/2009, 5:15 PM

TCM, my post wasn't clear so apologies but i'm not talking about the campaigns F4J and similar groups do, I'm talking about how some of the (prominent) people within these groups actually treat their kids when they do have access and how the treat he mother of the children, let alone trying to get maintanance off them. Honestly some the stories could make you cry.

**Magicme** · 18/10/2009, 5:50 PM

It seems the law is skewed the other way slightly now. Last year I considered looking for an increase in my maintenance and my Solicitor told me that he will plead poverty and it may be decreased as this has been happening more and more in the courts in Monaghan so I left it.

**John83** · 19/10/2009, 1:28 PM

Originally Posted by Hairy Bowsie

I don't really want to go into detail but yes it's based a situation close to me. I'm not a father myself and i know seperated fathers on both sides of the line (good and bad) but when you see what some of the fathers in these fathers groups get up too then i find it hard to be sympathetic for any of them, even the good ones.

I don't really want to go into detail but yes it's based a situation close to me. I'm not a black person myself and i know black people on both sides of the law (good and bad) but when you see what some of the black people in these rights groups get up too then i find it hard to be sympathetic for any of them, even the good ones.

**Hairy Bowsie** · 19/10/2009, 5:54 PM

Originally Posted by John83

I don't really want to go into detail but yes it's based a situation close to me. I'm not a black person myself and i know black people on both sides of the law (good and bad) but when you see what some of the black people in these rights groups get up too then i find it hard to be sympathetic for any of them, even the good ones.

For reasons that i will still not go into, i find that post absolutely vile

**Magicme** · 20/10/2009, 1:03 PM

People at deli counters asking me "no meat??" when I order a salad or cheese sandwich. If I wanted meat I would ask for it, I just found the language to order the complicated salad mix I want so if I was a carnivore and wanted chicken or ham, I think I would find the words for that.

Also the cheek of them to assume things. The person in front of me ordered a breakfast roll and the person making it started cutting the fat of the bacon, the guy had to tell her to leave it on coz he likes it. If I ate bacon I would want the fat left on too coz thats the best bit from my now hazy 20 year memories. If he wanted the fat cut off he would have said!

While am on my deli counter rant, I wish they would come up with a universal paper coffee cup. Some are so thin that your skin peels off just at the touch and the one I have now is so insulated that my hands are barely being warmed by the contents yet it is piping hot and due to the touch test failing, I have burnt my tongue! GRRRR

**Bluebeard** · 20/10/2009, 3:18 PM

Originally Posted by Magicme

While am on my deli counter rant, I wish they would come up with a universal paper coffee cup. Some are so thin that your skin peels off just at the touch and the one I have now is so insulated that my hands are barely being warmed by the contents yet it is piping hot and due to the touch test failing, I have burnt my tongue! GRRRR

"Who's been eating my porridge", said Daddy Bear.