For the wrestling fans

**sadloserkid** · 13/01/2004, 1:07 PM

All those woeful gimics on one site... at Wrestling Crap

**the scout** · 14/01/2004, 8:38 AM

anybody remember the wrestling that was on sat afternoon utv or htv,the one with old dears banging their handbags off the ring when the baddie was winning.you had kendo nagasaki, giant haystacks and big daddy!!!.

a big hero back then was mick mc manus and when he "retired" his autobiography was called "you grunt and ill groan"

**NigeSausagepump** · 14/01/2004, 12:03 PM

Used to be a massive fan of WWF in the 80s. I even used to buy the magazine to read about Koko B Ware, the Junkyard Dog, Billy Jack Haynes, Demolition etc etc.

....but then I turned 5 and grew out of it

**sadloserkid** · 14/01/2004, 12:33 PM

Well then Nigel I'm sure you'll be aghast to know that The Junkyard Dog is dead after falling asleep at the wheel of his car driving home from his daughter's wedding.

edit: Hmmm, dunno what happened there but I shoulda said his daughter's graduation and not her wedding. Still a shame.

**NigeSausagepump** · 14/01/2004, 12:41 PM

Really?

Shame that.

But that's what happens when a dog tries to drive a car. No opposable thumbs makes steering a real chore.

**sadloserkid** · 14/01/2004, 2:57 PM

WWF/WWE Crap:

Adam Bomb: Following a nuclear meldown, mild mannered Bryan Clark becomes the Creation of Devastation!

"Adorable" Adrian Adonis: Talented tough guy Adonis gets on Vince's bad side and is forced to prance about in women's clothing.

Akeem: Chicago tough One Man Gang becomes a black man in the Slickster's parking lot voodoo ceremony.

Aldo Montoya: The Portugese Man o' War who, for some unknown reason, wore a bright yellow jockstrap on his head.

Ted Arcidi: World' Strongest Man who moved with all the speed of a tectonic plate.

The Barbershop: Brutus Beefcake is given a talk show for no good reason (well, except for that fact that he's Hulk Hogan's best friend).

Rob Bartlett: Unfunny funny man who did commentary during the early days of Monday Night Raw.

BattleKat: Break out the kitty litter for the WWF's wrestling feline.

Beaver Cleavage: A hyper sexual take on the TV classic Leave it To Beaver. Well, someone thought it was a good idea. (Not me.)

Berserker: John Nord puts on wacky viking helmet and swings a sword at his enemies.

Bertha Faye: Talented woman's grappler Rhonda Singh is stuffed in a pair of fishnet stockings and becomes the queen of the trailer park.

Big Show's Dad Dies: The Big Bossman ruins the Big Show's daddy's funeral by stealing his casket. You can't get much more evil than that.

Bikini Blast-Off: All the top WWF superstars sunbathe indoor as wrestling plumber TL Hopper investigates what appears to be a turd at the bottom of the pool.

Billionaire Ted Skits: As WCW Nitro began to pull away in the Monday Night Wars, Vince countered by making fun of TBS owner Ted Turner in a series of increasingly tasteless skits.

Buddy Rose Blowaway Diet: Playboy Buddy Rose loses weight the old fashioned way: by dumping laundry detergent on himself and turning on a fan.

Blu Twins: The Harris twins in the third of 713 failed personas.

Bastion Booger: Mike Shaw is crammed inside a dingy gray singlet and told to belch, fart, and eat stuff from a garbage can.

Ludvig Borga: Evil Finn who hated America because of the pollution. Shouldn't that have made him a babyface?

Big Bully Busick: Straight out of the 1890's comes Big Bully Busick, complete with handlebar moustache accessory.

Chaz, Woman Beater: Getting rid of the Beaver Cleavage character was a good idea. Doing a domestic violence angle wasn't.

Cloudy (or Kloudi): After being dumped by Sunny, the Bodydonnas introduce their new cross-dressing manager - Cloudy. Get it?

The Coach: Former legend John Tolos blows a whistle incessantly to the annoyance of everyone. Jeez, they should have just brought in Bill Alfonzo.

Dean Douglas: Shane Douglas becomes Dr. Noah Tall and experiences the full wrath of the Clique.

Dink the Clown: Doink's friendly Mini Me. Please note that the original evil Doink was an AWESOME character, and would never be inducted into WrestleCrap, but once he was made a good guy and given a half-sized clone, it was all over.

Divas Undressed: You'd think there would be no way to screw up a beauty contest with WWE's hottest ladies. And you think wrong, as Mae Yong and Rico crash the party wearing bikinis.

Doink Survivor Series Curse: Doinks on a Mission, DoinkWackers, and no less than six midgets take over the Thanksgiving Night Tradition.

Double J: A controversial induction, but think about it: an aspiring singer (Jeff Jarrett) is going to use the WWF to take over Nashville. Just trying to decipher that logic makes my head hurt.

The Dragon: Ricky Steamboat hits the WWF after countless ****+ matches in WCW, and the announcers are told to act like they have no idea who he is. Oh, and he now breathes fire. Whatthehellever.

Duke "The Dumpster" Droese: Fan friendly garbage man from Mt. Trashmore. Next!

El Matador: Veteran Tito Santana is getting boring, so he is sent to Mexico to train to fight bulls. This will help him in the wrestling ring, since the two sports are so similar. Or something.

The Patterson-Brisco Evening Gown Match: Couldn't these two have done this in their hotel room instead of on a PPV that people paid to see?

Fake Diesel and Razon Ramon: Glen Jacobs and Rick Bogner are given the unenviable task of duplicating Kevin Nash & Scott Hall's personas.

Farooq Asad: A pre-APA Ron Simmons wears a powder blue Nerf gladiator helmet to the ring.

Fatu: Sadly, I would rather watch Rikishi venture to the hoods warning kids to stay off of drugs than shove his ass in other guys' faces.

Freddy Joe Floyd: Tracey Smothers gets his shot at WWF glory as a do-gooding country bumpkin.

Frenchy Martin: Evil monocle-wearing French Canadian whose motto was that "USA is Not OK!"

Friar Feguson: Mike Shaw's first WWF gimmick was that of a holy water splashing monk. Sadly, it was better than being a guy that ate his own snot.

The Gang Warz: Puerto Ricans, blacks, and white redneck bikers beat the crap out of each other to the delight of no one.

Gene Okerlund Wrestles!: Mean Gene and the Hulkster team up to tangle with Mr. Fuji and George Steele. That in itself would have been bad enough, but the quasi-homosexual training sessions were even worse.

The Genius: Everyone says Vince McMahon is a genius, but the Crappers know that it's really Lanny Poffo who is the World's Smartest Man.

The Godwinns: Henry O. Godwinn (HOG) and Phinneaous I. Godwinn (PIG), evil hog farmers. Shoot me now.

Giant Gonzalez: The world's worst wrestler, El Gigante, now designed to look like Bigfoot.

Gobbeldy Gooker: The most popular request at WrestleCrap, and with good reason: a turkey man hatches from an egg that has been carted to WWF events for months. Quite possibly the worst payoff to an angle in the history of pro wrestling.

The Goon: Evil hockey player, complete with boots that are designed to resemble ice skates.

Hawk Commits Suicide: Road Warrior Hawk becomes a drug addict thanks to LOD newcomer Puke. Hawk decides that life just ain't worth living and climbs the Titantron to throw himself off. Yikes.

HHH vs. Ultimate Warrior: The match the Game would like you to forget ended with him getting creamed by the Warrior in under 2 minutes. And people wonder why poor HHH is so protective of his spot.

Hulk Hogan's Rock n' Wrestling: Cartoon show starring Hogan, Roddy Piper, Iron Shiek, and countless other stars of the mid 80's WWF. Proof that anyone could get a cartoon in the mid 80's.

In Your House: Horrific WWF videogame in which the Undertaker hurled ghosts at his hapless opponent.

If They Only Knew: Chyna's biography, in which she reveals that she hates pretty much everyone on the entire planet earth.

Irwin R. Schyster (IRS): Controversial induction as Mike Rotundo was awesome in his role as an evil tax accountant. Still, that I just typed the words "evil tax accountant" should give you an idea of why this is here.

Jameson: Nerds are funny, especially ones who ejaculate into couch pillows. Ewww...

Jean Pierre Lafitte: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. Quebecer Carl Oulette isn't a mountie, but rather an evil swashbuckler intent on stealing Bret Hart's bounty. Arrr, matey!

Dusty Rhodes, the WWF Years: An NWA legend becomes Vince McMahon's human joke butt. Gotta love those polka dots!

Dog Poo Match: The object of this encounter was to throw your opponent in a big pile of dog feces. WrestleCrap, quite literally!

Jimmy Jack Funk: The long lost Funk brother who wore a Lone Ranger mask and rang a cowbell. No wonder Terry left the company so damn quick.

Justin Hawk Bradshaw: Yet another stupid cowboy gimmick, this time with the APA's Bradshaw wearing the chaps.

The Jynx Brothers: You may not know this, but before they became famous, Matt and Jeff Hardy were jobbers dressed like Japanese puppets. Yep.

Katie Vick: Just what pro wrestling needed: NECROPHILIA! Winner of the 2002 Gooker Award.

The Kings of the WWF: From Harley Race to Mabel, the WWF crown was basically a makeshift title that meant nothing, and was feuded over by those without anything better to do.

Knuckleball Schawarz: Evil baseball player who longtime fans will recognize as Steve Lombardi, the Brooklyn Brawler.

Kwang the Ninja: Vile ninja...direct from Puerto Rico?

Lex Express: How do you get your new number one babyface over? You stick him on a bus and send him all over the country!

Lo Down: Beaver Cleavage and D-Lo Brown put on turbans and are led to the ring by the human heat vacuum, Tiger Ali Singh. Not that this was racist at all.

The Lost Hillbilly Jim Tape: Footage of our favorite Mudlickian wrestling his coon dog as granny drinks moonshine in the background.

**sadloserkid** · 14/01/2004, 2:59 PM

The Machines: Andre the Giant puts on a hood and becomes the Giant Machine, and no one can figure out who he is. And um...yeah.

Mae Young: Role model to horny seniors the world over, Mae strips naked and gives birth to a hand. As hilarious as it sounds (which is to say not at all).

Mantaur: Half man, half bull _ all crap.

Max Moon: Spaceman from the outer reaches of Uranus, complete with jetpack accessory.

Meat: Sex slave for the Pretty Mean Sisters who once wrestled with a boner. Seriously.

Charlie Minn: Stereotypical asian announcer from the mid 90's WWF. Hmmm...perhaps he should sue Funaki for stealing his gimmick.

The Model: Rick Martel not only carried around a giant atomizer, but he also wore fancy clothes and a large button that read, "I AM A MODEL" just in case someone didn't pick up on the subtlety of his gimmick.

Men on a Mission: Rappin' fool trio that made life a living hell for anyone who had ears within a ten mile radius of WWF events.

Mr. Run In: Following a parasailing accident that left his face in pieces, Ed Leslie returned to jump heels from behind for about two weeks. Also known as Mariner and Hair Face, despite the fact that he had nothing resembling a pelt anywhere near his noggin.

Nailz: Convict who was allegedly beat in prison by Big Bossman, and who also allegedly pummeled Vince McMahon behind the scenes.

Naked Mideon: Just what the world was waiting for: a nude male wrestler!

"Narcissist" Lex Luger: Did you know that Lex Luger was in love with himself? Or that he had an unhealthy fascination with mirrors? Yup, it's true.

"The Natural" Butch Reed: Black man who dyed his hair blonde. Get it? He's NOT really Natural at all! Oh, the IRONY!

New Midnight Express: Jim Cornette's flagship team is ****ed upon by a bitter Vince Russo in an angle that no one save Russo, Cornette, and their immediate families would understand.

The Oddities: Sideshow freaks lead to the ring by the Insane Clown Posse. Giant Silva actually became only the world's second worst wrestler, thanks largely to John Tenta's best efforts.

Oktoberfest: Seasonal shenanigans as the Bushwackers cut the cheese (literally) with Gene Okerlund and Lanny Poffo is introduced as the world's foremost expert on stuffing sausage.

Outback Jack: Friendly Aussie that hung out with aboriginies and drank beer with cows. Hyped for nearly six months before finally making his first WWF appearance; disappeared approximately 1.3 seconds later.

Papa Shango: Voodoo master who hexed Gene Okerlund and caused Ultimate Warrior to vomit on WWF TV.

Phantasio: Magician wrestler whose finisher was to remove his opponent's underwear. Seriously.

Piledriver: The Wrestling Album 2: Sometimes love feels like an ar-gew-ment, it feels just like a piledriver. If Koko B. Ware says it, it must be true.

The Pillman-Austin Gun Angle: Steve Austin breaks into Brian Pillman's house, causing the Loose Cannon to fire shots and announcer Kevinn Kelly to **** his pants.

Sparky Plugg: Friendly Nascar driver Sparky Thurman Plugg (STP, how clever) races his way into our hearts, but crashes into wall three on the way there.

Quakeburgers!: Nefarious Earthquake squashes Jake Roberts pet snake and makes a sandwich of him as Lord Alfred Hayes throws up. As fun as it sounds.

The Real Double J: Jessee Jammes croons to the ring after Jeff Jarrett is proved to be a phony the level of Milli Vanilli.

Real Man's Man: Steven Regal is all man and nothing but man as he chops wood and squeezes oranges to make juice.

Reo Rogers: Bruce Prichard (Brother Love) doing a horrible Dusty Rhodes rip off that lasted about three weeks. MAN did Vince hate Dusty.

Repo Man: Barry Darsow is back once again, this time as the Repo Man, a thief in the night who made you pay, and pay dearly, for getting in your car payment late.

Ringmaster: Steve Austin's first WWF gimmick wasn't quite as successful as his second...

Rhythm & Blues: Greg Valentine attempts to duplicate Honky Tonk Mania and falls short.

Rocco: In the early 90's, the Legion of Doom was stuck in a rut. Thankfully, Vince had the cure: a wooden puppet named Rocco!

Rockabilly: Further proof that Billy Gunn has always sucked.

Rocky Maivia, the Blue Chipper: "You can't smile enough!" is what Duane Johnson was told as he entered the WWF as a babyface. Signs reading "Die Rocky Die" seem to indicate that this statement was false.

The Red Rooster: Terry Taylor sees his career flushed down the drain as he portrays a chicken, complete with spiky red hair and ****-a-doodle-doo entrance theme.

Saba Simba: A down on his luck Tony Atlas is given a job by the WWF in which he portrays an African warrior, complete with spear. Fortunately, the watermelon was nixed at the last second.

Salvatore Sincere: Yet another ethnic stereotype invades WWF rings, this time as Sal Sincere teaches us all the true meaning of irony. See, kids, he's not really sincere at all!

Sammy: Mark Henry attempts to satiate his unquenchable sexual desires with Sammy, whom he finds has...wait for it...a PENIS! Family fun for all!

Septic Sludge: WWE toy accessory. Not only is it slime, but it smells like stuff: burnt rubber, stale water, and dead fish. I so wish I was making this up.

William Shatner, Pro Wrestler: Yes, believe it or not Captain Kirk actually got in the ring and took on WWF stars like Jerry Lawler and Road Dogg. Ah well, at least he didn't sing.

Sisters of Love: Before they were the Headbangers, Mosh and Thrasher dressed as nuns under the tutelage of Brother Love. Luckily for the boys, this didn't last long. Unluckily, one would later become Beaver Cleavage.

Slammys (1985): Hilarity abounds as Mean Gene breaks kayfabe and Vince tells Gorilla that his fly is open.

Skinner: The Alligator Man! Jerry Reed would be so proud.

The Snake Pit: Yet another Piper's Pit copy, this time featuring Jake Roberts.

The Stalker: Barry Windham invades the WWF wearing camouflage. Not sure how that was supposed to help him blend into a wrestling ring, but hey, if Li'l Blackjack thinks it will, more power to him.

The Sultan: Yet another failed persona for the man who would become Rikishi. This time everyone's favorite fat Samoan wears a big Hershey's Kiss on his head.

Sunny's Sex Video: You'd think anything starring Tammy Sytch, who was smoking hot back in her WWF days, couldn't be all bad. But then her bedmate is revealed: Fondle Me Elmo!

TL Hopper: Evil wrestling plumber. I'd write more, but just putting "evil wrestling plumber" should be all the explanation you need.

TNT Show: Tuesday Night Titans (TNT) was the WWF's answer to the Sonny & Cher variety hour, as superstars danced, told jokes, and basically made asses of themselves.

Todd Pettengill: Worthless announcer who knew nothing about wrestling but a whole hell of a lot about being annoying.

Tugboat: Toot toot! That was either supposed to be a boat whistle, or he has gas.

Undertaker Resurrection: During a casket match at Royal Rumble 94, the evil Yokozuna stuffs the Undertaker in a coffin with the help of 43 men. He would later be reborn, however, and float up to heaven in a scene that everyone watching would like to forget.

Undertaker vs. Underfaker: Stupid twin angle in which Ted DiBiase brought in a phony Undertaker to combat the real one. Fans reacted so violently that the program was scrapped after one match.

The Val Venis Castration: Evil Wally Yamaguchi decides to deal with his wife's infidelity the old fashioned way: by chopping off the weiner of her porn star boyfriend!

Warlord: Musclebound oaf whose only redeeming quality was a metallic wand he carried to the ring.

The Ultimate Warrior-Jake Roberts Training Session: The Snake teaches our hero how to be evil by burying him up to his ears in dirt.

The World Bodybuilding Federation: Vince McMahon's first real attempt to branch out beyond the wrestling ring ends miserably as wrestling fans don't want to watch bodybuilders, even if they do act like wrestlers.

Well Dunn: Timothy Well and Steven Dunn are proof positive that bow ties and thongs do not match.

Who: The Vince McMahon Players try to revive a 40 year-old Abbot and Costello bit by putting poor Jim Neidhart under a mask.

WrestleMania: The Album: Musical mess that features Bret Hart singing a love song while Randy Savage begins his rapping career by reciting the order of the solar system.

WrestleMania: The VCR Game: Thrill to playing the world's most boring board game, interrupted by watching 20 second clips of WWF Superstars like Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, and Dusty Wolfe.

WrestleMania: The Video Game Video: More fun with Bret, who this time programs videogames by driving a forklift while wearing a tie. I'd try to explain, but I think I'd just wind up getting dizzy and passing out.

WWF Valentines: What better way to say I love you than with Road Dogg smeared on newsprint?

Xanta Klaus: Santa's evil twin brother who steals presents from good children every December 25. Did I mention he lived at the South Pole? The WWF did.

Isaac Yankem, DDS: Wrestling dentist with bad teeth. Need I say more?

Zeus: Hogan's co-star in No Holds Barred, who thought the film was real and was ****ed that he lost in the climax of the movie. Don't ask me _ someone thought this was a good idea.

The previous two posts are nicked from wrestlecrap.com