QuoteWas at the cemetery yesterday and I saw some grave diggers walking around the graveyard with a coffin.A few hours later, they were still walking around with the coffin.
I thought to myself...these guys have lost the plot.
Taxi.
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other: "I wonder how you drive this?"Originally Posted by Raheny Red
Heard this one the other night:
knock Knock.
Whose there?
Not Madeline McCann!
So harsh, but i cant help laugh, lousy joke though
Last edited by sligoman; 19/06/2007 at 8:42 PM. Reason: merge
COBH RAMBLERS FIRST DIV CHAMPS 2007
http://irish-abroad.appspot.com/GameDayDetails fantastic website by tetsujin1979
Was at the cemetery yesterday and I saw some grave diggers walking around the graveyard with a coffin.A few hours later, they were still walking around with the coffin.
I thought to myself...these guys have lost the plot.
Taxi.
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
this blonde goes into a DIY shop and asks the shop-keeper for a hinge for a door. the shop-keeper asks her does she want a screw for the hinge. the blonde says no but tells him that she will give him a blo*-job for a tin of paint!
"....until Ray Houghton got the ball and stuck it in the net!!"
I was reading a book on glue making the other day...i couldn't put it down.
My Goal Is To Deny Yours...
what you call Postman Pat unemployed?...
Pat
Why did the girl fall off her bike?
A fridge hit her.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 pounds.
"....until Ray Houghton got the ball and stuck it in the net!!"
Good aul' Penguin bars. Read this one today:
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed!
Who Cares?!
BELIEVE it or not ,
These are REAL 911 Calls!
Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown
house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham
and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had
taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired
of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have
an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same
thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
What's black and annoyed?
Bernard Manning's re-incarnation
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman.
For more, see www.sickipiedia.org At your own risk...
Last edited by pineapple stu; 23/06/2007 at 12:30 AM.
Good, very good
“Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete.” - Sid Waddell
www.donegaldarts.com
Paddy Scotsman, Englishman & Irishman were on a plane...they wanted to know where they were, so Paddy Scotsman put his hand out the window and took it back in..."We're in portugal...I've mosquito bites on my arm". Later on, Paddy Englishman puts his hand out the window and took it back in, "We're in Greenland cause my hands frozen". Later on, Paddy Irishman put his hand out the window..."We're in Galway...my watch is gone."
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
Ok Two Longford fans are sitting in a bar when a third one walks in with a dog bedecked in a red and black scarf. 1st Fan '' What's your dog's name?''
Dogowner: '' Rex and he's crazy about football. He loves De Town! ''. 2nd Fan '' Really what does he do?'' Dogowner: '' Everytime Longford score a goal, on TV , he just jumps around barking with delight'' 1st Fan:'' What does he do when Longford win then?'' Dogowner: '' I don't know I've only had him for 9 months !''
why didnt helen keller scream when she was falling off the cliff?
cos she was wearing miffins.
thats quality about the driving one though.
I'm a bloke,I'm an ocker
And I really love your knockers,I'm a labourer by day,
I **** up all me pay,Watching footy on TV,
Just feed me more VB,Just pour my beer,And get my smokes, And go away
The Helen Keller jokes are in very bad taste.
Any more?
That question was less stupid, though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.
Help me, Arthur Murphy, you're my only hope!
Check the link.
Just put on your thick skin.
A Priest is preparing to close the church for the night when suddenly the church doors exploded open and a clearly drunk man collapses onto the floor.
The Priest is shocked by the abruptness of the situation and simply stands at the altar and watches as the man crawls along the floor whimpering, sobbing, grunting and constantly whining "help me, oh god help me!" the man stands up and uses a nearby pew to support himself as he staggers towards the confessional.
The Priest watches the man enter the confessional, once the man shuts the doors he feels the call and enters the other side of the confessional.
The priest sits down quietly and listens to the man sobbing, moaning and grunting (for a good 5 minutes) until the man suddenly falls silent.
The priest says "may I help you, my son?" to the man in the other side to which the man replies "well father, that depends if there's any paper on your side".
#NeverStopNotGivingUp
Doesn't work
#NeverStopNotGivingUp
That is some sick website!!
Life isn't all beer and football...some of us haven't touched a football in months
It's fantastic!
#NeverStopNotGivingUp
Probibly an old one at this stage but here goes .
POLICE INVESTIGATING THE COCKLE PICKERS MYSTERY AT MORECAMBE BAY RELEASED THERE REPORT TODAY INTO THE DEATHS
WHAT HAPPENED WAS THE PICKERS WERE TOLD TO STOP PICKING WHEN THE WATER GOT TO KNEE HIGH - UNFORTUNATELY NEE HI WAS WAITING IN THE VAN!!!
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks