Greek Immigration Officer - "Name please ?"
- "Angela Merkel"
Greek Immigration Officer - "Occupation ?"
- "No, just here for a few days."
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Greek Immigration Officer - "Name please ?"
- "Angela Merkel"
Greek Immigration Officer - "Occupation ?"
- "No, just here for a few days."
Robbie Keane said he was delighted to meet President Obama in the White House. He's supported him since he was a boy.
My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right flipping idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.
I'm currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It's called b*tches & hoes.
I met my girlfriend speed dating
we both had a lot of explaining to do
Saw a fella carrying a ladder the other day...you should have seen what he got up too.
Definition of Pressure:
a wife
a mistress
and a mortgage
all one month late
For a laugh with a few mates Chuck Norris peed into the petrol tank of a lorry. The lorry became known after that day Optimus Prime
Man walks into a fishmongers with a large Salmon under his arm.
"Do you do fishcakes?" - ask's the man.
"We do yeah?" - replies the fishmonger.
"Well can you do one for this fella - he's 2 today".
The young Chinese swimming ace,Ye Shiwen, was asked if the she'd take a gender test following her two gold medals at the Olympics. "I will in me ballix", she replied!
after seeing a photgraph of RVP and his wife, Ryan Giggs has vowed to treat him like a brother
Top Ten from Edinburgh Fringe ....
1) "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks." – Stewart Francis
2) "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly." – Tim Vine
3) "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister." – Will Marsh
4) "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case." – Rob Beckett
5) "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don't know Y." – Chris Turner
6) "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze." – Tim Vine
7) "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating." – George Ryegold
8 ) "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!" – Stewart Francis
9) "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad." – Lou Sanders
10) "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism … she wouldn't fancy her chances." – Nish Kumar
not a joke but sill very funny. enjoy
https://www.facebook.com/sminkyanimation
After watching all those shorts. Class...
But this one made me guffaw.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSO9...layer_embedded
This is a classic. Can't believe I've gone so long without seeing it again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4ovvsUG-KY&feature=related
This is priceless.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdIWKytq_q4&feature=share
Is it bad that I kept giggling watching this clip?
I'm more than giggling - Stu, did you make it or just find it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Spudulika
Turns out there are dozens of these efforts on youtube, including a Hitler speech and the 9-11 Twin towers videos. Some aren't great, but basically I've been laughing my head off for the last 5 minutes.
Friend posted it on Facebook. I spent a good 10 minutes just calving it! :D
I must say the opening sequence of PTI on ESPN just made me laugh, they usually open the show with a gag:
Mike Wilbon : Tony – can you believe Apple have pre-sold over 2 million iPhone 5’s ????
Tony Kornheiser: Apple do phones ??????
*ahem* this is AmericaQuote:
Originally Posted by Real ale Madrid
Is it wrong that it's only now I get this "Leave it Ouh!" phenomenon. First thing I clicked on though to be fair. i thought it was some Scouse thing on the face of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JLglSByGGo&feature=related
I think this to be my favourite one of the whole lot.
I met Rolf Harris in Tesco the other day,
I said to him, “remember you did the 2 little boys back in the 70’s & 80’s”,
He turned to me and said, “ **** off, That wasn’t me, it was Jimmy Saville”.
Came downstairs this morning and my wife had left a note on the fridge:
"It's just not working - I can't take it anymore - I'm leaving you"
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was chilled. What the fck is she on about??!
Tony Blackburn was invited to a pool party.
When he turned up he had Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter with him.
The host said to Blackburn:
“you deaf *******, I said bring a pair of speedos….”
https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.n...24931455_n.jpg
The term ROFL applies.