8 pints usually does the same for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by strangeirish
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8 pints usually does the same for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by strangeirish
didnt mean literally.Quote:
Originally Posted by pass&move
Didn't take long
New John Terry Vodka. Bottled in Moscow
Brilliant, couldnt happen to a nicer guy!
That was in one of the tabloids this morning. Never let the truth (Anelka bottled, Terry slipped) get in the way of a tabloid story, eh?Quote:
Originally Posted by ollie
True. No Terry sympathiser by any stretch but the biggest joke of the week is how Anelka has got off scott free from the all the scorn.Quote:
Originally Posted by noby
Anelka's wasn't a terrible penalty, Terry's was. Plus Terry decided to take the last penalty with newspaper headlines dancing through his eyes, it should have been Kalou taking it. Plus people genuinely despise John TerryQuote:
Originally Posted by stann
Heres that delightful chap sneezing on Tevez and calling him a "****ing Argie ****"Quote:
Originally Posted by jebus
http://i30.tinypic.com/aylrn6.gif
Anelka's was just poor, and he looked like missing it from the moment he went forward to take it. Terry slipped. It's also not beyond the bounds of possibility that he took the last one as captain, leading from the front and all that. You'd wonder why the more attacking players like Kalou, and Anelka, didn't put themselves forward for the first five. Anelka has since admitted refusing to be one of the first lot.Quote:
Originally Posted by jebus
Terry is genuinely despised by many, and I'm all for that. I'm just saying save a bit of your bile for Le Sulk. Spread the hate!
Anyway, gone O/T so will shut up now.
Eh? He slipped. And even so it was only a foot away from going in, with the keeper gone the other way.Quote:
Originally Posted by jebus
Anelka, the striker, moped up to it, and never looked like scoring.
It was funny to look at the Chelsea team reaction. A lot of people trying to out-do Terry in the 'woe is me' stakes, but I didn't see one shot of anyone even giving Anelka a consoling pat on the back.
A player of that experience should have compensated for the ground being wet for Christ's sake. It's unforgiveable for a professional footballer to not hit the target in a penalty situation
Quote:
Originally Posted by jebus
Well yes, and that holds every time a pro footballer misses a penalty.
It's just low-brow typical tabloid stuff to have a go at the heroic Captain of England who cried his eyes out at missing than to try and pin any blame on Anelka, who makes no attempt to hide the fact that he doesn't give a rat's ass, and is happy to take his wedge of cash at the end of the week.
You know, if anything, Anelka is probably the more sincere of the two.
Just because he isnt on his knees bawling his eyes out doesn't mean he doesn't careQuote:
Originally Posted by noby
Anyway to keep it on topic
Drogba wasn't invited to Lampards mothers funeral cos they were afraid he'd dive in the box
When Rio Ferdinand was asked to comment on lifting the Champions League trophy he compared it to the chocolate orange.
"It's not Terry's- it's mine."
Samaritans are offering counselling to all Chelsea fans. Call 0800 101010 – that’s 08000 won nothing won nothing won nothing.
And If that line gets too busy there is another number to call: 0800 6-5 6-5 6-5.
Missing: 1 x Bottle
Last Seen: 21st May, Moscow
If found please return to: John Terry, Stamford Bridge, London
Heard about the John Terry tyre? Excellent durability but not so good in the wet.
John Terry always listens to the same song before a game - Born Slippy.
What is top of the man utd pop charts? Footloose.
Did you hear about the new 'Chelsea Bra'? Lots of support but no cups.
Frank Lampard and Joe Cole were allegedly spotted out in Red Square last night, having clearly had one or two drinks. They were reportedly singing: "We're forever blowing Doubles."
A major International company was looking to recruit for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.
The question was:
A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back.
What is the man's name?
After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.
The first, from England, says 'My answer is, there is no answer.'
The second, from Scotland, says 'My answer is that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given.'
The third one, from Ireland, says 'I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It's either:
Willie Turner or Willie Naylor.'
The Irishman got the job...
I went into a pub the other day. There was an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, two Asians, an African man, and two Homosexuals.
... didn't stay long.
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class
section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently
wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once
more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious
about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed
yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking
even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said,I
couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your
nose, and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"
"I'm sorry if I disturbed you; I have a very rare medical condition.
Whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.
I have never heard of that condition before," he said.
"Are you taking anything for it?
The woman nodded. "Pepper."
What kind of monkey eats dynamite?
A Ba-Boom
:D...Quote:
Originally Posted by Wangball
Am such a child at heart that jokes like that make me laugh the hardest!Quote:
Originally Posted by Wangball
What do you call a bear with a penis and testicles on its head?
Genital Ben
.
.
.
What ET short for??
Because he only has little legs
The ET one is my fav of all time along with "What do you call Postman Pat when he retires? PAT!"
How do you make a monkey cross??
Nail two monkey's together
What do you get when you pour tea down a rabbit hole?
A hot cross bunny.
Thats class :DQuote:
Originally Posted by thischarmingman
A blonde girl is out walking on a sunny day.
she notices a boy in the field stood by himself while all the other kids
are running around having fun she takes pity on him and decides to speak
to him
'you ok?' she says
'yes' he says
'you can play with the other kids you know' she says
' its best I stay here' he says
'why?' says the blonde
The boy says 'Because I am the f'n goalie'
At a surgical conference 3 surgeons, one from Israel, one from the UK, and the third from Ireland, are discussing the wonders of modern medecine. the Israeli surgeon says "In my country we can take the lungs out of one man and put them into another and have him back at work in 3 months".
The UK surgeon says "That's nothing, in my country we can take the lungs out of one man and put them into another and have him back at work in only 2 months". Finally the Irish surgeon pipes up "Ye think that's good lads, in my country we can take an ar$ehole out of Offaly, put him into government and he'll have the whole country out of work in 4 months".
Rohypnol is a load of ********.
I've taken it for the past few weeks and haven't scored once.
Yeah I know, it almost worked for me with this one bir.... oh wait that was a joke was it :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by anto1208
Courtesy of sickipeadia
My hot water heater's packed up, so I had to fill the bath using a kettle and a load of saucepans...
...it was ****ing uncomfortable when I got in.
I just dont get it, everyone goes on about David Beckham being thick...... but no one says anything about Stephen Hawking being rubbish at football do they?!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Fox News continues on its mission to dumb down America...:D
http://www.newshounds.us/Picture%202.png
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman...
"Mr Cook?"
"Yes," I replied.
"I'm afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike."
I said, "That's Rubbish, 'cause my dog doesn't have a bike!"
Female suicide bomber runs in to a pet shop and yells, "You all have 30 seconds to get out!"
Tortoise at the back shouts, "You ***t!"
:D
Everyone talks about how good Viagra is...but it takes 30 minutes to work...i find after 30 minutes the girl has normally managed to wriggle away.:eek:
Who was watching Frankie Boyle on Mock The Week last week then ?;)Quote:
Originally Posted by shannonman
Funny guy he is too.I like his line about paedophiles, "the grey macs, the glasses, just what is it about that look that children find so sexy?" Shockingly bad taste I know, one of those jokes you know you shouldn't really find funny but still :D
Frankie Boyle is quality, he always takes it too far. He once called gymnastics, paedophilia for cowards! saw him live once, fantastic.Quote:
Originally Posted by TonyD
The chap is pure genius. His bit about political correctness a few weeks back had me choking with laughter. I had it posted here but bottled it in the end! :D
Christ that is two jokes he has robbed so straight away !!Quote:
Originally Posted by TonyD