A trucker picks up a lady hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a
monkey on the dashboard. After a few miles she asks the driver what the
monkey is for.
The driver says "I'll show you" and with that he hits the monkey with
the back of his hand sending the poor creature rolling across the dash.
The monkey goes down between the driver's legs, unziips his fly, pulls
out his foldoorum and proceeds to give the trucker a blow job. When finished,
the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the driver up, puts everything
back and jumps back up on the dashboard..
"See that" said the trucker.
The lady said "Yeah".
The trucker asked the lady "You want to try it?"
The lady said "OK, but don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!"
Here's an old one I've just remembered.
A gay couple are driving along one afternoon, and while stopped at a
stop sign, a massive truck smashed into the back of their car.. Furious, the guy in the passenger seat throws his purse on the seat, gets out of the car, goes back to the truck and starts banging on the door.
The truck driver opens the door and the gay guy, standing there with
his hands on his hips, says
"I'm gonna sue your ass, Buddy!"
The truck driver, being a truck driver, laughs and says, "Ah, Suck my d!ck!"
The gay guy stands there for a second, then his eyes get real big and
his face just lights up. He runs back to the car, and says excitedly to
his lover, "You won't believe it, he wants to settle out of court!"
A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news.
"So, did you jump?" the father asked.
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!"
"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.
"Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."
"Did you jump then?" asked the father.
"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told be to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."
"So, did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, `Boy, are you gonna jump or not?´ I said, `No, sir. I´m too scared.´ So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat! He said, `Boy, either you jump out that door, or I´m sticking this little baby up your ass.'"
"So, did you jump?" asked the father.
"Well, a little, at first.":D
Three guys were on a trip in Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 of the most beautiful women they have ever seen. They started getting friendly with a few of the women. One thing leads to another, and soon all three men have had sex with several of the women. Suddenly the Sheik enters the room.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way that corresponds to your profession."
The sheik turned to the first man and asked, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a Cop," said the first man." Then we will shoot your penis off!" said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a Firemen," said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!" said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And what do you do for a living?"
The third man answered, with a grin, "I'm a Lollipop Salesman!"
