There's a fine gale around the southside of Cork City.
Must be Deirdre Clune.
I'd give her 1.
People were banging away, putting it in her box all day yesterday so i'd say she could be up the poll.
Sorry
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There's a fine gale around the southside of Cork City.
Must be Deirdre Clune.
I'd give her 1.
People were banging away, putting it in her box all day yesterday so i'd say she could be up the poll.
Sorry
A young boy asked his mother is it wrong to have a dick,
his mother said no it isnt and why do you ask.
He said "Dad is in the toilet trying to pull his off!!"
Buddhist monk walks into a Pizzeria. The waiter comes up and says 'Evening sir, what would you like?' The monk replies, 'make me one with everything.'
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If you don't get it, then think about it;) :D
Paddy complains to his friend that sex with his wife has become boring.
"Use your imagination, why not try playing doctor for an hour, thats what I do" says Seamus.
Paddy says "Jaysus a whole hour!, how do you make it last that long?!"
"Its easy" replies Seamus. "I just keep her in the waiting room for 56 minutes!" :D
I had a car accident this morning - went straight into the back
of someone.
Bloke got out of his car, he was a dwarf.
He came over and he said "I'm not happy"
So I said "Well, which one are you?"
THE NUN AND THE HIPPIE
A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"
"Yeah?" says the hippie.
"Yeah!" say the bus driver.
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray, so all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."
The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face.
"Have sex with me."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.
'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he cries. "I'm the hippie!"
"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I'm the bus driver"
Anto from Limerick always wanted to look cool. His friend told him that
he needed a good designer pair of trainers to go with his shellsuit.
Anto saved up all his pay slips and all the money he got back from
returning his empty bottles and finally managed to get himself a pair
of brilliant white trainers to go with his shell suit.
Proudly, he strutted down the street calling out to all the passers by
"See me new trainaz dem? Cool, wha?"
One fine upstanding gentleman pointed out that they were indeed a fine
pair of trainers but was young Anto aware that he had a lace undone?
Anto scornfully retorted that it was part of being cool to have a
trailing lace and that on the bottom of the trainer there were instructions for the wearer to only have one lace tied.
When asked for proof of this instruction, Anto took off his trainer and held it upside down for the disbeliever to read.
"See der! It sez............................................... .................
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"TAIWAN"
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I have probibly the funniest joke ever but im not sure if i should post it , it doesnt contain bad language but still just isnt right , ive prob built it up too much now ..:(
Can you PM it to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by anto1208
Maybe you should set up a thread entitled "Jokes - off-colour section"Quote:
Originally Posted by anto1208
EDIT: Actually, BohsPartisan has the right idea - pm it to me too ;)
I'm not easily shocked.......PM me also please.Quote:
Originally Posted by BohsPartisan
And me........
Someone send it to me as well please. Or just post it...
So wasv Anto's joke it funny then ???
it was crap probably, if not send it to me via pm also. thanks.
forward it on to me too lads please!
Me too anto please.
Not that i think we should have a 'jokes in bad taste thread'.
Anto PM me please. Or just post it FF;)S
Go on... post it... or just PM me or whatever;)
Anto, me too please but boy have you built this up:)
Anto....prepare to die if this ain't the funniest thing I've ever heard.........:D
if you wouldnt mind anto me too please!!
Same here! Or can someone just post it?
Its been build up way too much , it will prob fall on its arse now and its prob not as bad as i think ... .i thought it was funny so here goes
What’s the biggest cause of paedophilia ?
Sexy children :eek:
Ah i ballsed it up...... built it up too much and ive never been good at telling jokes :D
Actually.
I've an old few locked up that I'll have to run past adam some day before throwing them on to this thread.
The sort of jokes Moe would say that loses him friends.
i heard that 1 yr ago!!!!
along with this
how do you stop kids playing in your garden
molest (1 of } them
remove if not suitable
How do you get a Nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an alter boy.:)
These jokes remind me of what Frankie Boyle (scottish comedian) said a while back..... it's at the beginning of this clip ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UjfftypahQ
Quote:
Originally Posted by paul_oshea
Brilliant :D
I heard my one last september and im still laughing
I'm all for a laugh lads, but those jokes are fcuking sick. Totally sick.:mad:
i have a mate who tells all those kind of jokes, he is the best person to tell a joke, even a stupid crap one sounds funny, but he has even worse ones than those above, that i dont agree with at all.......still free world and all that! I agree with ye though!
<deleted>
paul oshea ur prob right but can we get a thread of our own?
Don't know how to use that spoiler thing
I DID TRY TO WARN YOUQuote:
Originally Posted by joeSoap
risteard in fairness you dont know who reads these boards and coule be seriouslly offended with that. heard that one too, there is an even worse one with whats blue....not going any further with that. dont know how ppl dont feel guilty telling those sorta jokes!
you bunch of sicko's haha!!!!
its not the joke persay but the unexpected answer , no one expects you to say sexy children thats why its funny . peadophilia isnt funnyQuote:
Originally Posted by joeSoap
Either is beandophilia:)Quote:
Originally Posted by anto1208
Here's a clean joke for a change.
Donald Rumsfeld briefed the president this morning. He told the president that three Brizilian soliders were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all the colours ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaking, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"
This guy just met an older woman at a club one night. She was OK for
57.
They drank a bit, danced a bit, & she asked if he'd ever had "The
sportsman's
double"-- a mother and daughter 3-some?
He said no.
They drank a bit more then she says that tonight was his lucky night.
They went to her place.
She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mom, you still awake?"
Heard this one the other night:
knock Knock.
Whose there?
Not Madeline McCann!
:eek::eek: