Top 10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren’t
10. Did you get any under the tree?
9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
8. Check out Rudolph’s Honker!
7. Santa’s sack is really bulging.
6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
4. I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy.
3. From here you can’t tell if they’re artificial or real.
2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
Santa Claus Is Wearing A Gown
You better come out, you better not cry,
You better not pout, I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
He's making the switch,
He's leaving his wife,
He's gonna come out, to start a new life
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
A secret he's been keeping,
It's made him awful tense.
He knows it will be better now,
When he comes down off that fence.
So you better come out,
You better not cry, you better not pout,
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
Signs Santa Hates You
10. Your stocking is ticking.
9. Every kid gets a candy cane, you get a season ticket for Monaghan United. .
8. He brings you a new car -- right through the living room wall.
7. His expression doesn't seem to be "jolly" so much as
"seething and vengeful".
6. FBI bursts into your house saying, "We got a tip from Santa
Claus you're hiding Osama Bin Laden."
5. You're being stalked by an elf hitman.
4. You spend ten minutes telling him what you want and he says,
"Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me?"
3. Only item he leaves a note reading "Your wife was fcukin' brilliant".
2. The "gift" he just gave you ... 2 weeks on a Disney cruise
with Pat Kenny
1. His distinctive, "Ho, ho, go screw yourself" laugh.
