Official PLayers ratings for 2007
Shay, shay, what can I say, many’s the time you saved the day.
You will Captain us in Africa in two thousand and ten, and you do deserve a perfect ten.
Stevie Finnan from Limerick Town, you know you never let us down,
Left or the right you are always sound, and always cover so much ground
Reliability is on your tag, so put this seven in your bag.
Richie Dunne so big in stance, when forwards see you they **** their pants,
You have grown to be some defender, and are no longer seen out on a bender
Along with Shay I’ve heard it told, that you are worth your weight in gold.
For honesty and courage there are none more tough, so I think a nine is fair enough
Mr O’Shea you could be one of the greats, though at times you’re like Bambi on roller-skates,
You have the size, and you have the height, sometimes you are good, sometimes you are sh*te.
You deserve a Six my son, but look and learn from Riche Dunne.
Damien Duff our ballyboden flyer, for no other player are expectations higher,
For sheer skill and flair you are out on your own, I wish you weren’t so injury prone.
I think if we had you towards the end of the year we would be spending next June on the beer,
But alas it wasn’t to be; so your magic in March earns you an eight from me.
Lee Carsley you answered our call, to come out of retirement to play international ball
You are an honest lad right down to the core, and do a nice job in front of the back four.
You are easy to spot with your shortage of hair, so I think a solid seven is more than fair.
Stephen Ireland you remind us of Brady, even if your hair growth is a wee bit shady,
We want you to know that all is forgiven, though you may never be as popular as Shay Given,
So listen to our plea, and please come home, we don’t care if you look like a garden gnome,
For your goals and your play and your lies and your rants, you’re getting an eight and some green superman pants.
Robbie Keane our superstar, our young man from tallaght who has come so far,
For all your moves and all your gyrating, for every ounce of brilliance, there’s a pound of frustration,
Forget the whining, bitching and roaring, and do what you do best, and stick to the scoring.
We may not have Berbatov, Malbranque or Defoe, but we’ve got Richie Dunne, and Duffer and Co.
So play for Ireland like you do in North London, and our world Cup account we’ll all be funding.
With your skills as fine as exotic Furs, you get a four for Ireland, and a ten for Spurs.
Kevin kilbane you never stop running, what you put in for effort, you lack in awareness and cunning
You chase around like an Arabian horse, but you know in our hearts we still love you of course.
Your goal against the Czechs was a joy to behold, if only you didn’t blow so hot and cold
So for you mister Kilbane it’s a five plus two, and you still hold the title as Ireland’s “Zizou”
Kevin Doyle one of our best, your goal in Slovakia beats all the rest
You give us hope for a future that’s bright and along with hunty are a shining light,
For all your effort and all your heart, you get an Eight for playing your part.
Stephen Hunt what has not been said, you always look like you just climbed out of bed,
You cut through the defence like a swiss army knife, when you come on you give us life
With your speed and your grit you have pleased millions, and you are the reason we’ll beat the Brazilians.
You pleased folks from Derry, from Limerick and Achill, and you showed those Czechs basta*ds how to tackle
If Ireland gets an eight and Carsley a seven, then you deserve a Fuc*ing eleven.
So I’ll raise up my drink, and my nice ham sambo: “ Here’s to you hunty, you are our Rambo.
Andy Reid here is the thing, you look like you enjoy the odd burger King,
With your sweet left foot, and your incredible vision you’d split two quarter Pounders with a surgeon’s precision
If you had been fit, and kept down the weight, we would have won the euros in two thousand and eight
Enough about your size and more of your game, your better than Gerrard, and make Rooney look tame,
Classy on the ball and your form rarely dips, your getting an eight to go with your chips.
Aidan McGeady our magical elf, sometimes your tricks confuse even yourself,
Hunt on the left and Aidan on the right would make Ronaldinho and Cafu look sh*te,
So keep improving you seem a modest young fella, and in two years time we’ll be drinking with Nelson Mandela
For your twists and turns and pride in the green, a steady seven (three more than keane)
To all our subs so many to name, you all tried hard when you came in the game,
When your bursting forward and about to take a crack and the Gaffer is screaming to please stay back
It’s not always easy coming on as a sub, a two-minute warm up and a quick hamstring rub,
But in fairness to you lads you were a bit unlucky, Twas our manager that was a few crumbs short of the full cookie….
Honorable mention: **Darron Gibson you brought the Huns tears, but the Harp over the flute is sweeter to the ears,
We’re glad you chose us and made the huns cry, and I’m glad you wont be marching on the twelfth of July
We’re glad to have you our proud son of Derry, the Huns have the cake but we got the cherry.
