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Opposition jibes worse than a red rag to a raging 'Bull'
Pamplona politics has arrived in Kildare Street. The running of the bull looks set to become a big weekly draw in the Dáil (Or the Plaza de Toro, as we aficionados like to call the chamber).
It'll not please the Greens, who are anti-blood sports. This might explain why their new Ministers, John Gormley and Eamon Ryan, weren't present for yesterday's cruel baiting of the Ceann Comhairle. Hadn't the stomach for it.
Trevor Sargent, junior Minister for Farmers' Markets, held a watching brief for them while a snorting Bull O'Donoghue was driven to distraction by the picadors and matadors of Fine Gael. But you could see he wasn't enjoying himself.
True enough, there were times in the plaza when it was difficult to watch the poor creature, turning this way and that, pawing the ground, growing more red faced and frustrated by the minute.
John O'Donoghue was on his own, fighting for his dignity. Banks of spectators, from the front benches right up to day trippers in the public gallery, rose all around him. Some cheered, some laughed, some were disgusted. Bertie Ahern didn't know what to do.
The Taoiseach began by giggling with everyone else, but as the Bull's ordeal continued, he turned away and rested his head on his hand, unable to look. Well he might, as Bertie was the one who led him by the nose to this sorry state of affairs in the first place. It was all too easy for Enda Kenny and his bandilleros.
When he assumed command of his first session of Leader's Questions, the Bull O'Donoghue was on such a short fuse even the Army bomb disposal crew couldn't have neutralised him.
El Inda effortlessly goaded the Ceann Comhairle through the winding byways of Standing Orders, twirling a metaphorical cape before O'Donoghue's growing fury.
Every attempt by the Bull to assert his authority was met by hoots of derision from Fine Gael.
"Be seated while the chair is standing!" he repeated endlessly, while the Opposition fell around the place. El Inda ignored him, neither standing nor sitting, but lounging in a most provocative manner on the top of his seat, which had sprung back into an upright position.
"Quiet now. You're new in the job," dripped the Fine Gael leader with a nonchalant flick of his red rag as O'Donoghue tried to maintain order.
On cue, and much to the delight of the Opposition, the Bull erupted. "You won't say 'quiet' to me, Sir!" You could have poached a whale in the steam coming from his ears.
When O'Donoghue was installed two weeks ago, many observers wondered if he had the right temperament for the job. Yesterday was a big test for the fiery former minister. His erstwhile Government colleagues must be praying he didn't start as he means to go on.
As his maiden outing in the chair lurched quickly into the realm of farce, the bull became more like a bullock, and his tormentors began to behave like Bertie had presented them with a lamb to the slaughter.
Trying to battle the rampant deputies seated to his right, the Ceann Comhairle retreated into repeating himself again and again in an effort to restore order.
He managed to get through Leader's Questions, only to find himself ambushed again during the Order of Business.
This time, Sinn Féin got in on the act. Three times, the Bull attempted to order Arthur Morgan from the House for insolence. Arthur ignored him.
A row erupted over the appointment of the Leas Ceann Comhairle. Fine Gael got stuck in.
Enter El Ringo. "You're making it up as you go along," roared Michael Ring, provoking another furious reaction.
"Withdraw it!" bellowed the Ceann Comhairle, heading straight into the china shop.
"I won't!" retorted El Ringo, flourishing his cape with relish.
"You will leave this house!"
"I won't."
The Bull was frothing. The Fine Gaelers circled. The Ceann Comhairle stamped out of the ring, suspending the sitting. This happened twice. There was talk of security forcibly removing El Ringo if it happened again.
In the end, reason prevailed and El Ringo withdrew from the chamber, vowing to fight another day. No point in slaying the beast on the first day when he gives such value for money.
It's the new deputies you feel sorry for. They think it's this exciting every day.
Mind you, with the Bull in charge, you never know.
© 2007 The Irish Times
