A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE, HIT IN THE EARLY HOURS OF Wednesday 29th January 2003 THAT EPICENTERED ON CORK'S
NORTHSIDE.
Victims could be seen wandering aimlessly muttering: "What the ****'s going on bud?", "Stony-mad feen" and "What's your problem ya ******". The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately EUR30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Santa Ponsa and the Spanish Costas were damaged. Three areas of historic and scientifically significant burnt out cars were disturbed. Many were woken well before their dole-cheque arrived.
Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the
fact that something interesting has happened in Cork. One resident, Kylie-Shakira Mullins, a 15 year old mother-of-five said "It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy Silk the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.
The Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from 'Pound City'.
HOW YOU CAN HELP?
This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in it. Clothing is most sought after. Items required include: - Fila Baseball Caps, Kappa Tracksuit tops (His and Hers), Shell Suits (Female), White Sports Socks, Nike Air Basketball Boots and any other items usually sold in Penneys or Dunnes or Michael Guineys.
Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same. Required foodstuffs include: - Microwave meals, Tins of Baked Beans, Ice Cream and cans of Royal Dutch or Special Brew.
EUR2 buys chips for a family of four. EUR10 can take a family to Youghal or Crosser for the day. EUR1.68 pays for a return bus ticket to the countryside where they can pick magic mushrooms to feed the family. 22c buys a biro for filling in a compensation claim.
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Knocka, Mayfield and Blackpool.
30/01/2003, 6:03 PM
Gary
Oh, if only it were true.
Oh the ethnic cleansing.
Oh the drop off in crime, drug dealing, vandalism, prostitution etc.
Oh the increase in literacy percentages.
:D :D :D :D
isnt it funny when in a thrwad like this thereis over 20 views when it is addressed to me!!!!
